Sleepless in New York

Scene: Glennis' bedroom; night. Her alarm clock's soft glow shows it's 2:30am. Glennis lays in her bed asleep. Except not really asleep because she is never truly asleep.

Rattle rattle rattle...

Glennis rolls over and mumbles something about cake.

Rattle rattle rattle...

Glennis' eyes slowly open. She looks around slowly, sure she heard something sounding like chains rattling.

RAINBOW
Booooo Meooooow


GLENNIS
Woah! What the fuck! It's a ghost cat!! Holy shit! Call 911!! Help! ...wait... Rainbow? Is that you?

RAINBOW
Booooo yes it's me boooo. How have you been, Glennis? Booooo.


GLENNIS
Oh wow! My childhood cat! But you died in '87. What are you doing here?

RAINBOW
Booo I've boooo come back to show you what your life boooo will be like if you don't get some sleep booooo. Boo.


GLENNIS
Oh man, pretty bad huh?

RAINBOW
Boo. Yes. Seriously bad.


GLENNIS
You mean seriously "boooood?" (Glennis laughs)

RAINBOW
Huh? I don't get it.


GLENNIS
I was making a pun. Like you keep saying "boo" so instead of "bad" you might say "boood." You know... a pun.

RAINBOW
I'm a cat.


GLENNIS
Right, sorry. Go ahead.

RAINBOW
(Starts licking her butt)
Boooo (lick) let's go back (lick) waaaaay back to when you were a kid. When you boooo used to (lick) sleep soundly all the way boooo through the (lick) night.


GLENNIS
Can you not... do that while you're talking... to me.

RAINBOW
I'm a cat.


GLENNIS(big sigh)
Right. Ok let's go back to my past.

Suddenly, Glennis and Rainbow stand in 5-year-old Glennis' bedroom. Little Itty Bitty Glennis sits on her bed.

LITTLE GLENNIS
I'm sleepy.


Two seconds later Little Glennis is fast asleep.

GLENNIS
Whoa! That was amazing! But she'll... um I'll be awake in a few minutes. There's no way I'll sleep all the way through the night without waking up a bunch or having nightmares.

RAINBOW
Boooo no dummy. I brought you back here to see what it was like boooo when you COULD sleep.


GLENNIS
Oh right.

RAINBOW
Let's check you out in the morning after you've had a restful night of sleep.


Suddenly, Glennis and Rainbow Cat are standing in the front yard of her childhood home. Little Glennis is running around the yard and doing somersaults.



GLENNIS
Wow! I have so much energy!

LITTLE GLENNIS
Marie Curie was a Polish-French physicist and chemist. She was a pioneer in the early field of radioactivity, later becoming the first two-time Nobel laureate and the only person with Nobel Prizes in two different fields of science (physics and chemistry). She also became the first woman appointed to teach at the Sorbonne. She was born a Pole in Warsaw, and spent her early years there, but in 1891 at age 24, moved to France to study science in Paris. She obtained all her higher degrees and conducted her scientific career there, and became a naturalized French citizen. She founded the Curie Institutes in Paris and in Warsaw.


GLENNIS
I'm fucking SMART, too! Oops, I said Fuck in front of little me.

RAINBOW
Jesus christ boooo, have you never seen A Christmas Carol? She boooo can't see or hear you. Boooo. (aside) Little Glennis would get it.


GLENNIS
Right. Sorry! (Glennis nervously laughs.) Wow, I was on a pretty good track.

RAINBOW
Yeah booo. Had you gotten sleep like this for the rest of your life you would have cured Cat AIDS.


GLENNIS
Oh shit! Did you...?

RAINBOW
Yes, booo I died from Cat AIDS. Booo.


GLENNIS
Oh god (starts to cry) I'm sorry!

RAINBOW
God you really are sleep-tarded. Booo. I got hit by a car, remember? Ahem. Boo. Moving on.


Suddenly, Glennis and Rainbow stand in a conference room.

GLENNIS
Where are we?

RAINBOW
In your dream booooo.


Dream Glennis stands at the conference table trying to dial a phone with no numbers.

GLENNIS
Wow, that's what I dream about?

RAINBOW
That and...


Dream Glennis gets shot in the head.

GLENNIS
Oh jesus! OH God! I just got shot in the head! Wow. So this is why I can't sleep huh?

RAINBOW
Boooo. Yes.


GLENNIS
So why are you telling me all this? I'm not going to learn a lesson like Scrooge and wake up throwing piles of sleep out my window to Tiny Tim.

RAINBOW
Nice analogy booo.


GLENNIS
Thanks.

RAINBOW
I just thought I might be able to shock you into sleeping. But no? It's not working? How about this. This is what you'd look like if you slept well.


Rainbow pulls a picture out of his cat wallet.



GLENNIS
Heidi Klum? I'd look like Heidi Klum? Seriously?

RAINBOW
Boooo... yesssss. Spooooky huh?


GLENNIS
Do you carry this around with you all the time? Why do you have this? Why is it sticky?

RAINBOW
Never mind! Give me that. I'm trying to prove a point. Fine, you're still not scared sleepy? Ok how about this? This is what you're going to look like when you're 40.


Rainbow pulls out another picture.



GLENNIS
Whoa.

RAINBOW
Gross right? Boooo woooo hoooooo ooooh.


GLENNIS
Really gross. You know that dog?

RAINBOW
That's a human.


GLENNIS
Wow! Ok wow. I get it. I do. But I can't make myself sleep, Rainbow.

RAINBOW
Glennis?


GLENNIS
Yes Rainbow Cat?

RAINBOW
You've been asleep this WHOLE TIME.


Glennis wakes up.

GLENNIS
What!? Huh?! Was that a dream? It must have been. That was crazy!

Glennis stretches, sits up and rolls out of bed only to land in something warm.



GLENNIS
Cat Poo! It was real! Oh Rainbow Ghost Cat!

She laughs heartily and in the distance we hear a tiny ghost cat laugh.

THE END

(I'm sleepy)

Love,

Glennis