Thursday, April 17, 2008

But What Am I?

I hemmed and hawed about what to send as my "farewell" email today at work and decided on this (with the above as my subject line):

Today is my last day in the firm.

Just like Pee Wee Herman in his Big Adventure...

I'm off to find my bike.



I hope you all find your bikes, too.



Wednesday, April 16, 2008

New Slang - '08 Edition

I just coined a few new phrases and I'm sharing them with you!

Prrrthetic: When you do something really pathetic but it ends up making you look adorable. Example: I learned the lyrics to a bootie-blasting rap song that we play before I Eat Pandas so I could look awesome. Do I? Indeed I do. Prrrrr. (thetic) Also, I want to be on a TV show but not because I want to be famous but because everyone on TV shows have iPhones. And I want an iPhone. Pretty prrrrthetic!

Be-bong: "Beyond" for stoners. Dude... that last piece of pizza was BE-BONG good.

Out-RegisandKathyLee: When something is so outrageous it's OUTREGISANDKATHYLEE. Am I old? I am right? Cuz I didn't say OUTREGISANDKELLY. (Matty helped me coin that one. I give props where props is due!)


Oh and if you want more mind bending comedy like that come to my show tonight! In 1.5 hours! It will be be-bong good!

I EAT PANDAS in: WE CLASSY (same show, different name)
Tonight at 9:30pm
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Avenue



I've Got a Lot of Living To Do

Dear Office,


I don't know how to say this.

We've been together for so long! You are a part of me! You're where I come to get some serious TCB done! It's going to be so hard to leave you... and yet. I must.

Hey, Office... Remember the time I stepped away from my desk to make a few copies and came back to 1-2-3-4 (Sumpin' New) by Coolio blasting on my iPod? Ha! Classic Glennis. (And don't mess, I saw you dancing to it when I got back to my desk, Office!)

And remember the time I made coffee and forgot to put the pot underneath!? Who does that!!? You were right there for me, letting that scalding hot coffee pour over you. Never once yelling at me or making me feel incompetent.

You kept me warm in the winter and insanely cold in the summer.

You never trapped me in your elevator where I would have definitely gone into labor because wouldn't that just be the time?! Hey, thanks for that, Office.

You'd often leave free food out in conference rooms for me when you knew I was having a tough time with money!

You've taken care of me for 7 years! But now it's time for me to break away and take care of myself. I'll be "TCM" right, Office? ...right?

And so, dear Office, to quote one of our favorite singers,