Saturday, December 12, 2009

Check the Mic

Last night I joined a few pals at an open mic at Stand Up NY. I've done this open mic one other time and it was a little crazy town. It seemed like there were a bunch of regulars who went every week and they liked to talk pretty much whenever someone they knew was on stage, but they were respectful when I went up so it was fine. This week we showed up and they were doing construction downstairs in the main lounge. We had to go upstairs to a little black box theatre and from the minute we walked in I was pretty sure things weren't going to go well that night. In my opinion, if you run an open mic, you set the tone of the show and it's your job to reel in your rowdy performers/audience members. If you allow them to talk during the show then they will and talk they did. Also, maybe not the best idea to put the most depressed man in the world on the show FIRST. I felt awful for the guy! He was almost in tears and I saw him the week before when he was just an angry guy... still not the best way to open the show, you know? So he does his set and walks out, but wait! He's not gone, he comes back to get in a fight with an even OLDER man than he. With hearing aids. And a cane. Ok he didn't have a cane. But they literally "went outside." So we're sitting here trying to do an open mic and two old men are threatening each other outside the door. The man running the door finally took control and kicked one of them out. So fine, rocky start but we can at least proceed in peace. Kind of.

Here's the thing - I understand that comics are a sensitive bunch and a lot of the people at this mic were just weird so when their material was completely misogynistic I tried not to be too annoyed by it. They're allowed to say what they want to say even though that "women suck" shit drives me nuts. It's ALL our fault you can't get laid? REALLY?

My friends and I do our sets and it goes fine. Not great, but no one tried to bust someone's lip open. So we're all a little tired of the shenanigans there and we say, "do you think we can go now?" Normally I would stay til the end - that's pretty much the way things work. You stay and watch the other comics. But this was just too much. We were ova it. There is a guy starting his set on stage so we stay in our seats to let him finish, but I guess maybe someone puts on a scarf or something and that sets him off. I have no idea what the guy's name is since as I was trying to get back to my seat there was what I'm pretty sure is a homeless guy blocking the isle and I had to say excuse me about 3 times. Then I hear the guy on stage start talking about us leaving. "Oh we're just going to leave now. We did our set and we're going to go. We're too good for this place. We're just going to go." And on and on and on. And I wasn't amused. I just sat there and looked at him to say, we're not leaving so do your set and leave us alone. But he just kept going and going so finally I said, "why don't you do your material instead of talking about us." And he said, "I am doing my material. This is my material. And you, you're just a narcissistic B... I won't finish that sentence." And the place is going wild for this guy. He's really killing. And I turn to my friends and say let's go. Please! So we start to walk out and he's still talking about some shit, I stopped listening, but he was looking right at me and I had just had it. So I turned before I shut the door and said, "you can go ahead and fuck yourself" and slammed the door.


Can I just say to you, the dude on stage who ruined my night. Can I just say that that's so not fucking OK? It's hard enough for a female to do comedy without some guy who probably hasn't gotten laid in a few years picking on you because he can't get with this. What a dick. What a tiny, tiny dick.

And can I say to the dude running that open mic that I love that you have the same people coming back but you need to get that shit in order. That is not OK. Having fun is one thing, a fight breaking out TWICE in your show is completely another.

Won't be going back to that open mic any time soon.

At least a hilarious story came out of it? I don't know, I thought typing it would make me realize the hilarity but I'm still kind of annoyed.