Thursday, November 09, 2006

Hey, Wha-happened?

Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
6:00pm


Scene: Britney & Kevin's Livingroom

BRITNEY
Y'all! Kevin! I luuuv you.


KEVIN
Yo. Brit-a-ney. You my light, dawg. Wurd.


BRITNEY
Kevin. Ya'll. I'm so glad ah married yoooou. You make mah life super awesome!


KEVIN
Yo. Britties. I gots ta tell you sumpin. You ain't gonna like it, sweetmeat.


BRITNEY
Keeeeevin! You know ah luv you no matter whut. Whatever you gots ta tell me, ah'll still luv you. Okay my Kevvy-pop? Now whut is it?


KEVIN
Yo. I popped one in your sister. And then yer mom. Yo I banged them both. I'm sorry yo. But them was some hot Spears ass and I hadta hit dat shit.


BRITNEY
Ohmugosh. Keeeevin. That suuucks! But you know whut? I luv you so much, we gonna work through this, babymuffin. Okay? I luuuuv you Kevin. Just promise me you won't do that again alrightypants? (sing songy voice) I'll buy you a new caaa-aaar!


KEVIN
Sheeet. I can't promise you dat baby. Yo sistar's snatch was outa sight! Dynomite! Ayite! First in flight! ..........Ching!


BRITNEY
Well. I don't know. Argg! I just luv you so much Keeeevin! I guess it's awkay if you just don't tell me about it. Cuz I luuuuv you and yer super sperm!


KEVIN
Right awn. Right awn. (Kevin does a celebratory break dance) I'm black!


BRITNEY
Allriiighty ba-baysugarmouth. I'm glad yer happy! I luuuuv you!


KEVIN
Yo you got some sweet tits. Ayite. I'm out. I'm goin to vote before the polls close.


BRITNEY
That's real American of you, Kevin. Who you votin fer?


KEVIN
I'm totes votin for Phil Angelides. Shiiiit. Snap.


BRITNEY
Wait. Yer a Democrat?

....
....
....
....

We need a divorce.


THE END

2 comments:

Sarah said...

I'm so glad to know the truth behind their "irreconcilable differences." Thank you!

Do you think this was the same problem for Reese and Ryan???

Glennis said...

This is my theory behind why all marriages fail. Which is why, if my calculations are correct, Tom & Katie will be the longest-lasting couple in Hollywood. She does whatever he tells her to do.