Back at work after a long weekend. It's never as fun here as I remember it being. And I don't remember it being all that fun so that's saying a lot, work! You hear me?!? Wow, I just got really angry. I didn't mean to yell. It's not your fault you suck so much b-hole, work.
My stupid computer's speakers don't work unless I plug my ipod directly into the cordy thing so I can't listen to kexp.com (what new bands am I missing out on oh GOD!?!) but I can listen to my ipod so that's fun.
Today I decided to risk it and put the ol' pod on shuffle even though I realize this will only result in every Johnny Cash song, every sound effect from my Celebutantes sketch show (toilets flushing, dramatic stings and belches) and every Disney or Muppet song playing, I just couldn't decide on what to listen to.
It started out all right, I suppose. The first song up was "Jump Around" by House of Pain which, if I haven't already mentioned here before, I still know all of the words to. This is because when I was in middle school I really liked a boy named Brian Moore. Oh Brian. (hot, shuddery sigh) He was new to our school, you see. And I had a big old fat juicy crush on him. One day we were on the bus going somewhere and I asked him what tape he was listening to. Upon finding out it was House of Pain I immediately went to Sam Goodie, bought the tape and listened to it over and over until I, too, could be a huge fan. Cut to a couple of weeks later when I tried to strike up a conversation with him about HOP. I'm pretty sure it went something like this:
(humming Jump Around... can you hum rap?)
Are you humming rap?
Me? What? Oh! Yeah... ug I have Jump Around stuck in my head! Jeeeeeez. What a great song right?
Yeah. Really great. You wanna go out?
(holy shit it worked!)
Yeah cool. I guess.
Seriously you guys! It totes worked! And I actually really liked the group too (SO WHAT IF IT WAS FOR THE WRONG REASONS, ANONYMOUS B-HOLE! RIGHT!?! SO WHAT!? You're so in love with me.) after that.
And so we dated and then he dumped me for someone hotter. Oh well, that's life! I wonder what happened to Brian Moore. If you google yourself and find this email me! I'll let you come over and start up where we left off... which I believe was under the shirt, over the bra. Rrrreow.
So yeah. House of Pain at work. Totes fine.
Then I skipped over some shitty stuff and songs I've heard a million times. Then my boss asks me to pick up something from the color printer. I step away from my desk for two freakin' seconds and when I get back what's blasting? Black or White by MJ, which must have a higher sound...rate? than other songs on my ipod. I mean to tell you, it was LOUD. NOT the song you want blasting from your speakers at 10am at work. Especially when everyone here already thinks I'm a complete weirdo or drunk or whatever whenever I do anything out of the ordinary. (I told you some lady yelled across the room at me "are you drunk!?" during the birthday celebration in October because I was clapping along, yes?)
I leaped across my desk to turn down the song that, had this happened in 1991 would have made me ultra cool, but since it's 2006 made me look super retardo and possibly a little drunk. Or maybe I would have only looked drunk had I started dancing and singing to it in my cubicle. I have nothing against this song, mind you. It's on my ipod after all and features rapping by Bill Bottrell and guitar by Slash for crying out loud!
I finally realized that putting your ipod on shuffle while at work (or, more specifically MY ipod) is really risky. Kind of like not wearing panties when it's raining outside, you're wearing roller skates and there are a bunch dicks sticking up out of the ground. Kind of like that, right guys? So... I put on Regina Spektor instead.
At least Leslie Ann Levine by The Decemberists didn't come on. I don't know if you know this song but it's about an aborted baby. And her name is Jewish. And I work in a predominantly Jewish law firm. And there is a woman who works here whose name is, I kid you not, Leslie Ann LEVIN. Wow right?
Ok kids, that's it from me. I hope you're having a great day. I really do.