GLENNIS
What a nice sleep. Man. I haven't slept that hard in AGES. How lovely...what the... what is... HOLY SHIT. THERE'S AN ARM IN MY BED! OK OK. Don't panic, Glennis. Clearly you got drunk last night and went home with an Arm. It happens all the time! Just doooooon't PANIC.
Glennis starts to panic even though she clearly just warned herself not to. She starts to think of all the arm diseases she might have contracted last night. All the other arms this arm might have been with. She shudders.
GLENNIS
(thinking to herself)
Ok. I just have to wake him (her!?) up and ask it to leave. This is, after all, my house!
Glennis taps Arm on... the arm.
GLENNIS
Um... excuse me? Hello? Mister... Arm?
(tap tap tap)
ARM
Hmm... wha? (snorf) Whoder?
GLENNIS
Um, hi! Um... hey, so this is kind of awkward but I think... I think we got bizzy last night. I mean I'm SURE we were safe because, like, I'm a cautious gal (laughs)... so, listen I don't think we need to say anything more. Let's just go our separate ways.
ARM
Mffrs. Shhhiizzzzrooop. AAAlllfd.
GLENNIS
(thinking)
Oh god. This arm is still SO DRUNK. Ok, just get him out of here. No need to cause a scene. God, what an IDIOT I AM!
Picks arm up and shakes it a little.
GLENNIS
Hey! Hello!? Time to get up and go now! I have to be at work in 30 minutes. Come on. Get your... arm pants... on and we'll walk to the subway together. ...crap where are your arm pants. (looking around) They have to be around here somewhere.
ARM
Glllleeeeennnnissshh.
GLENNIS
(thinking)
Oh god. He knows my NAME. This won't end well. I probably gave this douchebag my phone number too! LORD HELP ME.
(to arm)
Yes, yes! That's my name! NOW SERIOUSLY, GET THE FUCK UP.
ARM
Gleeenish. It'sh me. Your arm. You fell asleep on top offf me again and thought I wassshomeone else. You retard.
GLENNIS
What?! Oh! Oh god! That is so embarrassing! Oh god. Color me wrong, huh?? Haha. Sorry about that.
ARM
Seriously. This needs to stop. OH GOD! OUCH. EEEESSHH IT TINGLES!
GLENNIS
Haha, yeah... you must be waking up. Yikes. That's pretty painful I hear. Sorry... about... that.
ARM
When I wake up all the way I'm going to punch you in the vagina.
GLENNIS
Um... seriously that is not even necessary. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. You are my arm. You're a part of me. Can't we at least TRY to get along??
ARM
Get along!? GET ALONG! You think it's easy being your arm?? Always having to "high five" people and wipe your stupid ass. I mean, I literally WIPE YOUR ASS! How about using lefty over there for once in your life?!
GLENNIS
Shhh shhh shh, baby. Listen. (whispers) You know I can't use Lefty! He's retarded. You've seen the way he writes. And don't even get me started on his wiping abilities. Do I have to remind you of the month of skidmarks??
ARM
Uggh. FINE. Just... can you just please try to stop falling asleep on me? And for GODS SAKE stop biting my nails, woman! You should hear the other arms talk about me. They think I'm a total slob!
GLENNIS
Ok. I can totally do that. I'm really sorry about that. You... you have a little food on your wrist. Here... I'll get that.
ARM
GET OFF ME. Let's just forget this happened. I can't believe you thought you'd slept with me. You're such a whore.
GLENNIS
Yes, yes I am.
ARM
Get up. You're gonna be late for work.
GLENNIS
Thanks, Arm. You... you complete me.
ARM
Oh shut up will you? They already used that joke on The Office.
Glennis and Arm are now living in harmony thanks to Glennis' ability to stop being a total retard in all areas.
THE END
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