A Myriad of Things, Really

Lots of stuff in this post. Let's start with this:


Blissfully Ignorant

I'm not sure if you guys read this article in Rolling Stone in December's issue (I think it was December) about Smithfield Foods, the Nation's top pork producer but seriously guys, that shit is fucked up. Literally. It's about how toxic, well, pig shit is, basically. I meant to post it here when I originally read it (and trust me, the article is not nearly as disgusting without the aerial view pictures of the pink pools of pig shit. Yes, PINK.) but I kinda forgot about it. Until this morning when I was talking to Liz about going to Spark's Steakhouse tonight for dinner. (Hollaaa! That shit is NICE.) I told her I was going to get Veal and she said it was sad to eat Veal. I told her to read that article because then you'll feel bad about eating pork, too.

I absolutely totally 100% get people when they choose to adhere to the "no faces on my plate" rule but honestly there's no way in hell I could ever do that. I love meat. (That's what she sai... DON'T YOU DARE. The office... right guys?) But seriously. Give me a huge burger dripping with grease sitting next to a picture of a slaughtered cow and I'll have no problem eating it. Am I heartless? Maybe. Heartless and SATISFIED.

I'm not a total jerk though. I totally draw the line at babies. I would never, ever eat a human baby, y'all.

And for the record I think Vegans are fucking weird. Except the one in Brooklyn. Cuz he tells me 'bout good music n stuff.

And now... let's move on to this:

Last night in trivia my team got 2nd place. Which is the highest they've ever gotten and it was all thanks to me... sitting there and looking pretty. Cuz y'all I SUCK AT TRIVIA. Apparently when you think you know a lot of stuff you really don't know shit. Cuz that's how it happened to me. But yo, that shit's fun anyway.

And finally, this:

Because Eliza tagged me, I present to you 5 things you don't know about me.

1. As a little kid I used to lay in bed and pick my nose and wipe the boogers on the wall. What the fuck right? I'm not telling you when I STOPPED.

2. I got thrown up against a fence and almost "arrested" by a security guard (haha, douchebag) at a high school football game when I almost got in a fight with some girls from the other team's school. They called me fat, you guys! I mean, I was. But seriously you don't say that shit to a high school girl and not expect to get knocked the fuck out.

3. In high school my friend and I stole some pictures of hot guys from the photo place where we were going to get our senior pictures taken (they had this basket of "sample pictures" and we took some of the hottest guys. For... our spank bank?) and almost immediately after I got into a car crash. Nothing major but dude I never stole again. No, that's a lie. I totally did. I just didn't drive immediately after.

4. I stood in line for 18 hours for that terrible reality show 5 years ago called "Pop Stars" (some of you might know this about me now that I think about it). I didn't get on the show (thank GOD) but I did get on Fox News as "the next Christina Aguilera." Apparently they were short on talent that year.

5. The first month I lived in NY was probably the happiest I've ever been or ever will be. And I think I'm ok with that.

Those were probably totally lame things but I felt all this pressure to come up with stuff! I'd think of something and go "ug, NOT ON THE BLOG, GLENNIS. Save that shit for therapy" or "I think I told that last night in my drunken stupor" so I guess these will have to do.

Now I have to tag 5 people...

Liz Black (because I lurv readin her writin and because I know she'll pun it up and I love me some puns)

Breanna Jacobson (cuz she makes me giggle on gchat and I don't know enough about her yet)

Carrie Faverty (cuz the bitch knows how to tell a story)

Carolyn Castiglia (cuz we're totes besties now after bonding over Obama)

Stan Park (cuz he's totes the cutest omg omg. And he needs to write more in his blog)

DO IT, Y'ALL. Don't be lamers!

Have a great day, you guys!

Love,

Glennis