The other day I got an email from an old pal of mine who I haven't seen in about a year. We knew each other from the improv scene and I knew, upon receiving the email, that if we hung out, the night would be one full of debauch- and -ery. She said she was coming to my show on Friday night and hoped we could get a drink after. But this story is not so much about that night as the following day. Our night was fine. Just not really blog-worthy. It was filled with drinks and more drinks. Oh and also some more drinks. So many drinks in fact that by 2am I was busted and decided to leave.
(Side note... I realize this post will cause some concern to arise in my readers - you'll see why - and I just want you to know that I'm fine. I also realize that by saying, "I'm fine" it sounds like a lie because if I was really fine I wouldn't have to say so, right? It's like a gay dude talking about how much he loves boning chicks. "I love vagina so much! VAGINA!! GET ME SOME VAGINA RIGHT NOW!! I WANT TO TO TOUCH IT WITH MY FINGERS!!" But seriously, I'm fine. Also, if you're planning an intervention can you make sure vodka is readily available as I'm not able to get through the day without it anymore. KIDDING.......?)
So I'm drunk. We're out. I tell my pal I'm going home and she says, "hey, I have half a joint...you want it?" Do I want it? I grab it from her hand like a fat kid grabs cake and giddily kiss her on the cheek. I like free stuff, guys. And pot.
I'm not really a stoner. I swear. (God. WE GET IT, GLENNIS) But lately I've had an urge to get high so I felt like this was kismet. Also, half a joint will last me like two weeks.
I don't smoke it that night because, you know, I'm drunk. But I do go home and pass out. I have a bizarre, sleepless night where I dream about someone texting me from Colorado and me not being able to figure out who they are. It was so real that when I looked at my phone upon waking up to find no trace of those texts I thought for sure I had used another phone and started searching my room for that phone. RETARDED.
Saturday was a sort of stressful morning that involved my ex and a car and some heavy talking (all while being extremely hung over) and after that, all I could think of was that sweet, sweet free pot sitting on my dresser.
I check my planner to make sure I had nothing to do that day and since it was all clear I lit that baby up. Wow. I decide it'd be fun to take a shower (SHOWERING HIGH IS SO AWESOME) then, in my robe, I settle in on my couch for some music and g-chat with unsuspecting friends.
Friend: Do you really think Obama has a chance at winning the election?
Me: My hands are tingly.
I mean it's kind of just one of those days. I was going to see a movie later that night and then meeting friends for a show. I was set.
And then I look at my phone. It's 2:07 pm and I have a message. I listen to that message and here's what it says:
"Glennis. It's Erin. Let me in! It's cold out here!"
I sit for a second with a confused look on my face. Ok, it was more like 3 minutes. Just sitting there staring at my wall trying to figure out who Erin was, why she wanted to be let in, and to where. Erin? Erin Rose Foley? Ok so I've got the who...
SHIT SHIT SHIT!!
I HAVE A MEETING!
OH MY GOD!
I'M SO HIGH!!!
Yes. That's right. I, the responsible and driven Glennis McMurray, got high before a meeting with my pals about a show we're working on. I am RETARDED.
I rush around my room laughing, tripping, "oh shitting" my way into a pair of pants and a shirt that I'm pretty sure was on inside out and smelled of booze and cats. AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE CATS, YOU GUYS.
I run downstairs to find poor Erin freezing her balls off at my door. I open the door, no makeup, wet hair, bloodshot eyes and say, "Eeeerin. Don't kill me...I'M SO HIGH."
I mean... WHAT? Who am I??
And you know what? We still had the meeting. We watched an episode of "Jem and the Holograms" (Did I forget to mention we're doing a stage version of the show and I'm playing Jem/Jerrica? Yeah. Unless they re-cast due to me being a retarded stoner loser fuckface.) and talked about who should play what rolls and I sat stuffing nachos in my face laughing and drooling. Kinda like that character Leonardo Dicaprio played in Gilbert Grape. Put that image in your head.
I mean I feel completely embarrassed. Even though it was kind of hilarious. Right girls? Right?
I can't believe she got high... ALONE.
Oh nope. They just want me to shut up.
Aw girls, you're wonderful for not hating me.
Also, this picture of Erin made me laugh. Because it's funny? Maybe. Because I was high? Definitely. She's got frog toes!
Ah.. no more getting high in the middle of the day (before a meeting)!
Hope you had a great weekend too, you guys.