Sitting at your desk impatiently refreshing your screen waiting for a new post from me? No? Oh... that's just me who does that? Yeah. Ok well listen even though you haven't noticed, I've been gone. So let me tell you what happened. I won an award everyone. You should be pretty proud of me. Are you ready for this?
I was the top internet user in my entire firm!
Thank you! Thank you! I know. I hope you're proud, mama.
But here's where I'm confused. You'd think the top internet user in the firm would get MORE internet, right? It just makes sense. The top baker in the world would get MORE stuff to bake with. The top trader on wall street gets MORE money (A.B.S., BITCHES!), right? But they gave me LESS internet. In fact, I'm not allowed to get on the internet at all unless it's work related. Hollah! Raise the roof!! Soooooo.... proud.... of.... myself.
No more internet? Do you have any idea what that will do to me? Why, aside from music, internet is my 2nd boyfriend. Internet keeps me abreast on the Britney sitch. Internet lets me communicate with friends in far off places like 44th street and SoHo. Internet tells me what the meanings of big words my smart friends use are so I can get more ejukated. Internet! Internet! Where the fuck are you, Internet!?!
The internet is still on my computer. It sits there taunting me knowing I'm on the honor system. That the only thing between me and perezhilton.com is a report that will be run on my usage at the end of 6 months. My gmail notifier still sits at the lower right hand of my screen excitedly reporting whenever someone sends me an email...that I can not check.
I think the worst part of all this is that I used to moniter a site for young girls who were really depressed and I think me being online to talk to was the only thing that kept them from ending their lives. Sigh. Oh well. The world is over-populated anyway, right?*
So, I'll still find a way to blog. I love blogging. It keeps me creative and I think there might be two or three people out there who read this crap.
Have a great weekend everyone. And if you have internet then PLEASE don't take that shit for granted. Tell your internet you love it and... could you, just to keep the balance, every once in a while visit my favorite sites just so they don't feel lonely? You know what the sites are. You're a raging Glesbian.
*This is a lie to make my bosses feel bad if they read this. No girls will be cutting their own throats because I'm not online. I DON'T THINK.