Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oh, What a Night!

Because I've given up hope at ever being seen as "sexy" or "classy" or "a woman" I'll just lay it all out here for you.

Last night was my definition of hell (without anyone having died or been seriously injured).

1. Vomit every 20-30 minutes (like clockwork) from 11pm - 1pm the following day.
2. When nothing is left to vomit gastric juices abound.
3. Why not throw in a massive headache.
4. Because you are vommitting there will be no time for sleep, miss.
5. The thought that you are seriously close to being fired and now can not go into work AGAIN will run through your mind immediatelly after you puke.

And the cake-topper...

6. When you finally stop puking and you FINALLY fall asleep after one of the most terrible nights of your life: you shit the bed. Yes. SHIT. IN. YOUR. BED. Ok, so it was only a little bit and there was no "substance" but guys... I SHIT IN MY BED.

A note to all the men who were thinking of having sex with me at any point in the next ten years: keep walking.

At this point I'm able to keep fluids down so there might be some light at the end of the tunnel. I was seriously close to freaking out since I was so dehydrated death seemed right around the corner. I realize I have no idea what it feels like to be close to death or what it might TAKE to die from dehydration but COME ON DUDES... I SHIT THE BED.

I am lying on my couch now. Thanks a lot, ASS-HOLE.

Have a better day than I am, please.

Love,

Glennis

8 comments:

Dopey LaRue said...

OHMYGOSH! I am so sorry you are so sick! If your work fires you for this, I will totally kick some a$$ for you...I am little but scrappy...and I have steel toe boots. <3, dopey

Clay said...

Holy crap, Glennis (no pun intended). You should probably get in to see a doctor as soon as you can get off the couch. Dehydration can really fuck with your system. Please don't die.

Clay

Megan said...

Eeep, I hope you feel better soon!!

Dan Dickinson said...

Hope you feel better / less poopy soon.

Matt said...

Silver lining: If the doctor wants a stool sample, you've got that covered.

Kate said...

Glennis! I want you to feel better but thank you for puking and pooping for the sake of comedy. You make me giggle!

Carolyn said...

Oh darlin' - talk about bein' in the shitter. Love to you!

Lynn said...

keep your doody in your tushy!

hope you feel better soon.