I talk a lot about sleep. Or lack of sleep, really. I can't remember the last time I slept really, really well. No wait. I do remember. It was about a year ago. All I remember is that I had rehearsal for a Pearl Brunswick show and I was on FIRE. I was so fucking funny and energetic and I felt AMAZING. And... yeah. That's the last time.
So you know how people say you can't "catch up" on sleep? I know there are conflicting views on this but I tend to be of the "ya can't" party. I think my troubles really started about 4 years ago when I met my ex. He lived like a night owl, I lived like a girl working 3 days a week (starting at 7:30 am) and I accomodated to fit his schedule. And quite honestly I have never quite caught up. I know that sounds ridiculous but we're gonna go with that theory.
Another reason I have a terrible time sleeping is dreams. And this is the most frustrating part because I can not do anything about them. The other night I had one of the worst dreams I've had in a while (yes, worse than being shot in the head). It happened over and over (probably 4 times but it felt like 50) and every time I'd wake up I was SO SCARED. It was nothing, really. I was in a room with doors and it was light and then suddenly it would go pitch black and hands would come out and start grabbing me. It was so realistic I just got a chill thinking about it.
If only I could sell tickets to my dreams. I'd be a millionaire. It was honestly scarier than any horror movie I've seen.
Sometimes my dreams are great like when I used to have epic dreams with amazing, brilliant colors where I'd be one a boat going around the world with little people. I must have been happier back then...
Are dreams directly related to how we're doing in the non-dream world?
I never saw "The Science of Sleep" but I bet I'd love it. Maybe I'll rent that for the plane ride home.
That reminds me... one time I took my laptop on the plane to watch a movie and brought Y Tu Mamá También. It was awkward. Remember how often they're naked in that movie? The dude in the seat next to me (some old dude with a side-part) was either really turned on or really uncomfortable. I hope it was the latter.
I never, ever sit next to anyone good on airplanes. Like some person who has really interesting stories or someone who knows a gal I went to high school with.
I'm getting off track.
Right. So my question is... how do I make my dreams go away? Or at least make them more pleasant. I'm already in therapy and I'm not holding anything back. So what's the deal? Or are dreams something you need to listen to and learn from? Or maybe nightmares exist so you can wake up and be like "wow! I'm so lucky! No one is scooping my eyes out with acorn shells!"
Or maybe it's that the only tv shows I watch are "Dr. 90210," "Trauma: Life in the ER," "ER" (I know, I know... who watches ER anymore. Me.) "Law & Order" and "Scooping Eyes Out With Acorn Shells." That last show is in pre-production.
Maybe I need to start watching happier shit.
I really want to see Charlotte's Web and The Pursuit of Happyness. Even if it drives me nuts that they spell Happyness weird. Those movies look cute. A good cry, perhaps. No nightmares. I'll save them for being home for Christmas.
I'm trying not to be a scrooge about the "C" word. I can't wait to see my mom, dad, step-dad, ex step-dad, my friends and Heidi, Dan and their new baby. See? I'm not so dead inside.
Seriously, how can someone who loves puppies, babies and tadpoles hate Christmas so much?
I'm done rambling. Christmas is great.
Have a good day, you guys.
PS - Last night someone said I looked like a Guiness. 1) because I was drinking Guiness and 2) because I had on all black and I have blonde hair. Hilarious.