Well people, it finally happened! All those months and we finally ran our 1/2 and full marathons. What an amazing weekend it was!
Before I start I thought of the way I want to die. I want to be in front of a large group of people telling the best joke or story of all time. I mean the FUNNIEST thing you guys have ever heard (the large group of people will obvsies be you guys) and then after I've finished, and you've all laughed so hard you can't breath... I shoot myself in the head.
See, it works on two levels. 1) I'll never be able to top myself and 2) whenever you tell the story of my death you'll undoubtedly have to tell the joke which will be so awkward because, as I mentioned, it will be the funniest joke/story of all time. So you'll be stifling a laugh while talking about me blowing my brains out. I just have to find the funniest joke/story ever told. I guess if you wanted me dead you could help me out there, guys.
This also poses the problem that I'll have to carry a gun around with me at all times. But I honestly can't think of a better way to die so I think it's worth it.
NOW! On with the post!
Our San Fran journey (ha! Journey! City by the bay! I'm starting off on a great foot! You'll hear that joke 12 more times before this post is over) begins on Friday at 3:30 am. For that, you see dear readers, is when I had to get up to leave for the airport. I ask you, who planned this flight? Team in Training, that's who. They apparently think leaving at 6:45am from NEWARK (fuuuuuck yooooou) is awesome. And, well, it kinda was. But only because I had Spo and Hammy along for the ride.
Hammy. Spo. Know them. Love them.
Good morning, Newark!
I may look awake in that picture but I assure you, I have never been more tired. Because I was afraid I wouldn't sleep at all on Thursday night, I took a Nyquil at 8pm which totes helped me out. I woke up feeling ok but once seated in that tiny seat on the United plane I had trouble even holding my head up and passed out faster than a baby on a tit. (new phrase! Oh also, I have new slang for you guys! Hammy introduced me to it. "TREATED" Like, instead of "faced" you say "treated." Try it out and let me know how you like it.) Anyway...I missed the food service but woke up just in time to see the movie, "The Lake House" which I'd missed when it was in theatres. Wait, why did I miss that movie? I can't remember. Oh right. Because I don't pay $10 for crap. Ok, so the movie wasn't that bad. I actually cried. What.
We arrive in San Fran and it's just gorg. Even more beautiful than I remember it. Team in Training booked us at the Hilton and oowee is it ever nice! I got to room with Hammy, Spo got her own room and, after we all check in, we went to my Uncle Vito's place to get some pasta.
Yep. I even photographed the pasta. I guess that's just how I roll.
And even though we were DEAD tired, we had to go pick up our race packs so we headed over to my new favorite city... NikeTown, USA! And lookie here... they had our names up on the wall just like we were killed in Vietnam! (is that joke in poor taste? I thought better of using a 9/11 reference.)
Well, I'll tell you guys what. At that point I had just about had it with all this "being awake" bull crap so we retired to our hotel rooms where we all took nice, long naps. Then we woke up and went to China Town, San Fran! Which has all the same crap China Town, NY has except it's a little bit nicer and a whole lot hillier!
[Place holder for awesome picture of me riding a lion from Spo's camera]
Then we went to sleep. Awww. We're cute when we sleep.
The next day I ran into my grandpa! Grandpappy... what are you doing working out here in San Fran! You silly old kook.
Grandpa has to pay the bills, guys
We had a team pasta party which, if you weren't a part of TNT, cost $38 to go to! That food was NOT worth $38, let's just start there, Team in Training... which we redub TIT since that's obvs the right acronym. Regardless of the shitty pasta dinner, we held it together and managed to take yet another adorbs pic.
I love that Nike Marathon sweatshirt. $50, bitches.
We went to bed early that night, cuz dudes we had to run the next day, but not before taking a few more pics.
I smell a hotel chain in my future.
Our view from the hotel room! I was naked when I took this picture. (Does that make it less boring?)
FINALLY... THE BIG DAY.
Sunday morning we woke up at 4:00am. We had to be downstairs by 5:30 and had to dress and eat, and I think our nerves were in play. I could NOT fall asleep the night before (big surprise) and had dreams about being in an almost empty pool that they (who?) were trying to drain but there were surf boards floating around that blocked up the drain. Or wait... was that the dream about frogs falling from the sky. I had a dream about frogs falling and trying to get them out of my house. I can't remember. It doesn't matter, Glennis! They want to hear about the run!
Here are a few pics of us waiting around before the run. I think we look pretty effin confident.
I made Spo lift up her shirt. She's not a perv. Well, she is... but for other reasons.
Here's an adorable pre-race interview with Spo and Hammy I took.
You guys, they ran 26.2 miles almost immediately after this video was taken. I don't know how they did it. They're kind of my heroes.
I couldn't carry my camera on the race since I forgot a fanny pack and NikesTown was totes sold out of them, but can I just tell you that it was the most gorgeous run/walk I've been on... maybe ever.
It started in Union square and headed over to Fisherman's Warf. By the time I got over there the sun was rising and it was the perfect morning. I decided, even though I couldn't wear the inserts and even though I knew it wasn't a great idea, to run as far as I could. Basically run myself into the ground. It's really hard for me to walk when people around me around running. It feels like giving up and I hate that feeling. So I ran. I ran slowly and paced myself and when I could see the Golden Gate Bridge I was feeling ok. It was covered in fog and the sun was gleaming off and I started to tear up it was so beautiful. Which would have made for a great moment, had I not had sunscreen all over my face which was now in my eyes. Oh god! My eyes! Burning! Someone get a medic! Then I just wiped it away and I was fine and I kept on a-runnin. I got to mile 5 and I was doin great! Mile 6... feelin good! At mile 7 on the little map they give us it says the elevation goes from 25' to 205'. And yet, the coaches of TNT said there were NOT MANY HILLs. Ok. Fine. No many hills... Just one big FUCKER of a hill. And yet, with the bridge to my right and the sun shining through the trees and the mist... it was like the best thing ever. I'm so eloquent.
So after the hill I was ok, ran a bit more, but by mile 8 I was hurtin. And then, because I saw one of my coaches and he said, "you look amazing!" I pushed myself more, by mile 9 I was limping a little. But I wasn't taking that crap. I was like, "Screw you gimp legs! I'm doing this shit!" And by the time I got to mile 11 I was full on dragging my gimpy behind me. I was in MAJOR pain. Shooting pain up my side every time I stepped on my hip the wrong way. But I kept going and people in the crowd yelled "go NY!" which I loved (which I'd had my name on the FRONT of my shirt) and they sang my theme song: “It’s Hard Out Here For a Gimp.” And you guys, I made it across the finish line in only 3 1/2 hours! Wee!! It felt SO awesome!! The San Fran fired dept. stood in tuxes to hand us our Tiffany's necklaces (yes for REAL) which look like little silver medals with a woman running on them. I'm wearing it today so people will talk to me about it. So far it's not working.
Anyway... I have to say the best part of the race was no, not finishing and no, not the necklace. The best part was when I was sitting in the TNT tent, ice on my bones, and I see Spo walking with the "tin foil" blanket around her looking around a little lost and completely exhausted and I yell out, "SPO!!" and she sees me and comes over and we hug and cry. It was awesome. I didn't see Hammy or Spo finish the marathon (but they both did. the whole 26.2 miles!) because I was gimpy mcgimperson and a bit disoriented but they both did AMAZINGLY well.
Here are a few pics of us soaking up the post-marathon cha-ching-bla-blow-how-you-like-me-now-bitch, rays.
We tried to be awesome and stay out late drinking after the "celebration" party (which basically consisted of people from Minnesota and Delaware dancing at the front of the ballroom to "Hey Ya!" as if it was the first time they'd heard it and shitty Tex/Mex... hey, when did I become so pessimistic, you guys?) by going to this really nice bar at the top of the Drake hotel. We roll in there in our sweats and it's a black tie affair. But you know what guys? That's just find with us. We got ourselves a table by the window and some sweet beers. Cuz that's how WE do it. Then I invented (questionable) the best new game of my life. Basically, there were three people sitting next to our table candidly talking about this guy's (at the table) divorce. We all heard it. So I say to our table, "So you guys it looks like my dad is being convicted for killing my mom. And I have to testify in court when I get back." and well... it goes from there. Oh the stories we told! Hammy is the best because she can keep a straight face. I think my favorite story of our trip was Spo telling me, on the bus to the airport where we were sure people could hear, about her dog, "Knuckles" committing suicide by electrocution. So fun.
So I guess that's about all I have to write today on this LONGEST POST OF ALL TIME. I just got yelled at for my "lack of concentration" at work so I better go. Do work. Since I can't IM. (kill me, please. wait... wait till i have a really good joke to tell first.)
Here are a few more pics.
There was a convention in town at the same time for some system called Oracle. Apparently a lot of people died when Oracle hit the WTC, too. So we prayed for them. Was THAT in bad taste? I don't know any more.
Gettin creepy on the plane home.
United Airlines. The safest way to fly.
Thanks for your donations and support, you guys!!