Wow, I can't believe I posted that essay. My mom's totes gonna read that you guys. Oh well, can't live in the past. Let's move on.
Since, as I said in the essay, I'm either a serial monogamist or a dirty, dirty man whore, I realized that there's no in between for me. I don't really know how to just "date." So I'm making a set of rules for myself to follow so that when the time does indeed arrive (oh god, please let the time arrive, I'm so lonely! I pretended to trip and fall the other day just so I could lay next to a homeless man for a few minutes. Did I just say that out loud...) for me to "date" someone, I'll be ready.
Stop using quotation marks around the word date. Dating is a real thing, not a "" thing like "disease-free" and "single."
Don't make up cute celebrity-style nicknames for me and my date after 2 hours together. Examples might be: "Glalexander," "Glorman," "Glob," and "Glussell."
Don't tell my date the size of my ring finger. Additionally, don't make a mold of my ring finger out of the leftovers my date intends to take home.
Stop breaking out in tears of joy every time I see a baby and cry, "Oh god! I can't wait!! I can't WAIT!!!!!"
Don't hum the wedding march.
Stop finishing my date's sentences to prove what a strong connection we have. I'm almost never right in my assumption that their sentences will end with, "I want babies."
Stop incessantly talking about babies. (This might be the hardest.)
Don't pay a movie patron to sit near us and comment on what cute babies we'd have.
Don't call his mom to tell her about my day.
Stop winking and saying, "I do!" after every question.
There... I think that's a pretty good start. Of course I have yet to apply these in the real world but it's always nice to have a game plan should you need to play a game. Not that I think dating is a game. I hate games! Know what I love? Babies. I love babies.