Glesbo: My Part Time Lover

Thursday, April 06, 2006

My Part Time Lover

You guys, I have a confession. I've been seeing someone on the side. Now before you judge me just listen. He's so awesome! He takes my needs into consideration first and he's Always got what I need. If I'm feelin' pain he eases it. If I'm hungry or thirsty he quenches it. Pretty much any desire I have, he's there.

That's right, my Easy Lover is...

Mr. Duane Reade

God you guys, my hearts all a twitter just thinking about him! Those isles! His scent! It drives me MAD! I could literally spend hours inside him and not get tired. RRREOW!!

The other day I was all, "oh man am I getting fine lines around my eyes?" First Duane told me NO. Then he recommended I use Neutrogena's Night Time Eye treatment, because, "it's never too early to take care of yourself, gorgeous!"

Oh DUUUUUUANE!!! (twitter!)

As I was leaving him last week, I coughed. He was concerned I might be "coming down with something" so he gave me some nyquil, OJ, tissues and a trashy mag. DUANE YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

I seriously hope Duane isn't cheating on me. If I found out he was seeing another lady on the side... well, I just don't know what I'd do. Duane is my life!

Later tonight I'm meeting up for a rendezvous with him. He has this new lip gloss he thought would look amazing on me and GET THIS... he has TAMPONS for me! Come on girls, tell me you're not jealous of THAT!! It takes a pretty strong man to get tampons for his woman.

So anyway, I just wanted to let my secret out of the bag. I'm pretty hungry now, I think Duane's downstairs waiting with some Soy Crisps and an OJ. (read: snickers and coke)

Have a great day!

Love,

Glennis Reade (forevaaaaaa)

4 comments:

Snow White said...: OMG...I'm seeing Duane too! He told me you guys have an open relationship...he's waiting for me on 55th street with Revlon skinlights Illusion wand and Jergens Natural Glow moisturizer.; 3:45 PM
Glennis McMurray said...: WHA WHA WHA!!!

Oh that little sonovabitch. First he's seeing the fairest in the land, THEN he offers you skinlights and glow moisturizer? He never even SHOWED me that stuff!

Open relationship my ass. I'm calling him now.

I'm on hold.

Ok now I'm talling to him.

Awwwwwwwww!

Oh man, I can't stay mad at him! He just told me he's got a new energy drink he wants me to try since I can't drink coffee cuz I'm whitening my teeth. Isn't that the best!?

Ok we can SHARE him. But I swear. If any other ladies start seeing him I'll LOSE IT!; 4:05 PM
Maggie said...: that picture is total britney.

sexxxy yet slighty trashy.; 4:29 PM
Glennis McMurray said...: britney comparison?? i'll TAKE it! (i don't care if she is trashtastic. i love her!); 4:44 PM

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Glennis-isms

Clair Stare (v) - Derived from the fabulous Clair Huxtable's show-stopping stare. As powerful as any words, fist or bullets and twice as effective. "Piss slowly dripping down his leg he knew at once that his airplane hijacking attempt had, once again, been thwarted by the Clair Stare."

Out-Regis-and-Kelly (adj.) - Used to describe someone's fabulous, sparkly outrageousness. "Not sure if the girl in front of her had fallen or begun a strange, errotic dance, she chose to classify her as out-regis-and-kelly."

Out-Regis-and-Kathy-Lee (adj.) - Used to describe someone's slightly off-putting, drunken or outdated behavior. "The party took a turn for the worse when they arrived and, in truly out-regis-and-kathy-lee fashion, upper decked every bathroom in the house."

Prrrthetic (adj.) - Used to describe a pathetic action that, somehow, ends up making you look adorable. "The prrr-thetic attempt to get him back fell short when the aerial photo of his face made out of cats was overexposed."