My friend Consuela* wrote me today, just checking in, and had this AWESOME story to share.
I went on the worst date of my life on Friday with a brother of a friend named Jeff Henry**. Glennis, this guy (besides being... well totally unatractive shall we say) was the most awkward conversationalist I've ever met. He kept doing these [hilarious comedian] impressions that were not funny. As bad as you can imagine it to be-it was worse. For 3 of the longest coffee house hours of my life.
Ok, at this point I know you are, as I was, probably thinking, "Wow, lay off the poor dude. He's just trying to be like [hilarious comedian] because he is socially awkward and your beauty really gives him the humina-huminas.
Ah yes... then read on.
He called me a few days after the date and I hadn't called him back (not really planning on it).
But my luck being what it is, as I was at a different coffee shop telling my friends about the horror date last night-he walks in! I pretend not to see him, but I know he saw me doing [impressions of his terrible hilarious comedian impressions].
And here's the icing.
So, this morning when I wake up and go outside... toilet paper as far as the eye can see.
I, like Oprah, tell these incredible stories not for ratings, but in the hope that we can save others out there facing the same terrible situations.
So, to all you ladies in [annonymous Southern state]...
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
**Names have been changed to protect the douchey.