Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Watchin' With Glennis - Oprah, 5/23

Good lord.

Oh christ.

Please tell me you saw yesterday's Oprah.

You didn't? Then please read on, dear reader. Good LORD read on.


Ok so first of all you know who the guest was, right? No!? What's going on, I thought we agreed to be die hard O fans!? Ok, I'll let it slide THIS TIME.
So, Oh man... the guest was Tom Cruise! There to talk about (Katie Holmes) War of the Worlds!

You guys, I don't know what is going on. Tom Cruise has lost it. He acted like the biggest bag of nuts I've ever seen. I mean, for reelz, I've never EVER seen anyone profess their undying love for someone like that. I mean, I LOVE my boyfriend... but this was... well, it was creepy. It was so creepy and unreal and disgusting that I found myself watching with a look of disgust I usually reserve for anything Mary Kay/Villi related. I'd like to highlight a few choice moments from the show.

Point of disgust #1:
"I'm IN LOVE!!" Tom screams like a schoolgirl as HE JUMPS UP on Oprah's yellow couch. He then procedes to kneel down 5-6, count them... FIVE TO SIX times to give a hell yes arm thrust. Time. After. Time. It never got old to him. This was the most awesome way he could show this AWESOME love he has for the AWESOME Katie Holmes.

POD #2:
Oprah asks Tom, "How did this happen? Where did you two meet???" Tom's response was just a bunch of girlish giggles. Oprah had to ask him 7 or 8 times until she was finally forced to stop the bull and just say, "No SERIOUSLY... where did you meet?"
I'll tell you where they met. Tom's male "friend" (a.k.a His Lovaaaah) got the short end of some stick (heh heh) and threatened to call the press on their REAL undying love. As his lovaaah swung his finely manicured fist declaring his plan to bring down Tom, Inc., Tommy boy realized he needed a new "flame" just in case this did leak out. He then spotted the cover of GIANT Magazine, adorned by our lovely heroin, Miss Katie Holmes. Ding! Bingo! Spot. On.

And then he bought her.

POD #3:
Women. WOMEN. Come on. It's Tom Cruise, yes. But did you have to, "AWWW!!" and "OOOH!!" every time he said one FUCKING thing about KH? COME ON. Get lives. Really.

POD #4:
Tom saying he'd never felt this way before. This was amazing, this love. Sorry Nic. Ouch.

POD #5:
Tom saying he admired Katie's "body of work." Really? What was it you admired, Tom? It couldn't have been Dawson's Creek could it? Or perhaps First Daughter? Tom, please.

POD #6:
Katie's mouth herpies (again). MAKEUP, KATIE. MAKEUP! And a tag on with this: The audience chanting "Katie! KATIE! KATIE!" to get her out on stage. Prompted by Oprah. Calm down, O. We get it. You have celebrity best friends. Chill.

So many levels of disgust

Really the show was just a disgrace from beginning to end. I sincerely hope you didn't miss it. But if you did, please call me, you can come over, we'll pop some popcorn and judge together.

1 comment:

Lizbian said...

He. Has. Lost. It. And by "It" I mean any semblance of hiding his homo-gayness. You KNOW he's just doing this to get closer to Pacey.