Cabbie Wabbie

Cab drivers love me. I don't ever get hit on in NY unless it's by a cab driver. And I get hit on a LOT by cab drivers. Something about my eyes looking out the window avoiding their gaze in the rear view mirror says, "go for it."


I want you. To take me home. And stay in the cab. While I go inside. Alone. Without you.

So I get a lot of weird comments (like that I look like a planet) and propositions. One cab driver recently started hitting on me by saying that I was nice to look at. He then went on to say, "We could spend some time together if you like." I said, "no, no. I have a boyfriend." He replied with, "Oh." (pause) "Is there an engagement?"

If they don't hit on me, they at least ask me if I'm from Russia, Poland, Romania, etc. Some of them are so excited by the prospect of having a conversation in their native tongue that I say, "no" as if they'd just asked me if their mother survived her life-saving operation.

Someone once told me the best time to take a cab is early in the morning, around 6-7am because you can find money in the back seat from the drunkards who didn't realize they'd dropped it earlier that night.

One time I was so drunk I threw up ALL over the back seat of a cab and, from what I remember in my drunken state, the cab driver was really nice to me, grabbed his roll of paper towels from behind the front seat (aaahh that's what they're for) and helped me clean up. Then took me all the way home to Brooklyn. What a nice man! (This was also the night I almost blacked out in a bar, walked out on my friend Kirby and accidentally left our SUPER large tab unpaid at a bar. Green Apple martinis are the devil!! Or not knowing how to drink them in moderation might be the devil.)

One time, when I first moved to NY, I took a cab from my apartment to Grand Central. The cab ride was about 15 minutes and the driver was on the phone the whole time. When we got to GC he got off the phone and said to me, "I found this phone in my cab this morning. What should I do with it?"

I think I'm reaching for straws here with my cabbie talk. So I'll stop. But you should tell me your cabbie stories. I especially like this one from comedian Todd Barry.

Oh wait... I'm not done talking. Who the hell is Chelsea Handler and WHY THE HELL DOES SHE HAVE HER OWN SHOW!? I'm all for supporting women in comedy but honestly her show makes me cringe.

Also, I Eat Pandas did a show this past weekend and ended with a standing O. And someone took a picture! Hooray for that someone!