I think writing in this here blog is therapeutic. Even if I have no idea what strangers might be reading the semi-personal things I write, it's somehow comforting to know someone is. And someone cares. Which is probably why people write in the first place. Is it? Maybe not. I'll just say it is.
Lately in therapy I've been working on not being such fakey-fake-fake. Bottling up all my inner feelings and presenting what I think people what to see. Happy Happy Glennis! Always happy! Never a problem!! It's been nice, talking about things. With friends, family, the milkman.
It's good. I highly recommend it. Don't be afraid that people will judge you or hold things against you. Ultimately if they do then they can just sit on it. Because it's all about YOU. Or... ME, in this case.
So, you know when you were a little kid and you had that one thing you REALLY wanted. Like so badly you could taste it? And that's all you ever thought about, every day, multiple times a day. You dreamed about it and sometimes said it without realizing you'd said it. And you tell everyone, simply everyone who will listen, how badly you want this thing. Because you're just sure it will make your life complete. Like Ralphie in 'A Christmas Story,' you have a Red Rider BB Gun sized hole in your 10-year-old heart.
I think people are inherently optimistic. Even if you say you are a pessimist, I think a little part of you always thinks, "But perhaps it will happen! Perhaps I actually will get that part/win that award/get that promotion/not lose my leg!" I like that part of people. I like happiness and optimism, especially when in NY.
In the end of A Christmas Story, Ralphie gets his gun. Which always makes me happy. And I can watch that movie a million times in my life, at least 3 times in a row on Christmas, because of Ralphie's undying optimism.
I'm glad Ralphie got his BB gun, because it would have been a very different movie if he hadn't, but I'm sure he'd have been ok without it in the end.
Was that open enough? Probably not. Oh well, it made me feel better.
(And no, I'm not talking about the Ellen job. If that's what you read into this. I still haven't heard anything, and am still insanely optimistic about it.)