New Site

I've finally grown tired of wrestling with html and hosting sites and have decided to go with the ease of iWeb. Aside from a few glitches here and there it's pretty fun and simple. SO! You can still access my website at www.glennismcmurray.com but if you view it on IE it might look weird (one of the glitches I'm working on) and if you get an error message you might need to clear cookies. Lame, I know.

But it's worth it because it's a brand new look with tons of pictures and a new blog! I'll no longer be posting here.

xoxo

Glennis

This is my dad, Tom.


My poor, sweet daddy has early-onset Alzheimer's. He's only 63.

My dad was the king of cheesy jokes and gave me my sense of humor. His favorite thing to say after a bombed attempt at a joke was, "Hey Glennis? Nice try." My dad cared about the environment and biked everywhere he could in our small town in Colorado. He recycled, had a composte pile and grew his own vegetables. He also grew and smoked a lot of weed and he voted for Nader because he knew in his heart he was the best man for the job. He and my mom got married in a field and a friend of theirs said, "Abracadabra!" My dad might not have always been around but he did the best he could with what he had, and he helped make me who I am today. If my dad could still have a conversation with me we'd have so much to talk about. He'd be so proud of the person I've become and what I've accomplished. But life isn't fair and pretty soon my dad won't know who I am, let alone what a similar person to him I've become: the awesome daughter of an even awesomer man.

I'm taking part in the Alzheimer's walk on Sunday with my sister, Kelsey. If you have a few extra dollars please consider donating it to the Alzhiemer's Assocation by clicking this link.

Thank you.

My Solo Showlo

Hey guys!

This Thursday, the 11th of September, I'll be doing a solo show at UCB. Hope you can make it.

Glennis Does Some Characters and Shit (working title)
9/11/08
7:00pm
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Avenue
Reservations here: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/652
$5.00

I hope no one lines my show with dynamite. Too soon?

xoxo

Glennis

The Dawn of Glennis

I finally got my shit together and did an overnight sleep study (I'm pretty sure my closest compadres and lover - singular - were tired of hearing me say "I'm tired.") last night. And I was. ALL THE TIME. Well, I technically still am but I feel like this is a new day! I took one step closer to becoming normal. No more hazy days!

This is what you look like if you do a sleep study. It's VERY uncomfortable. I get results back in two weeks.


Another thing you should look forward to... My character show at UCB. The 11th of September, 7pm. Stay tuned for more info and a title.

xoxo

Glennis

Revamp!

Hey guys! I totally revamped my website. Enjoy!

www.glennismcmurray.com

xoxo

Glennis

Pandas Tonight

Tonight @ 9:30pm
I Eat Pandas: We Classy
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Ave
$5.00

My eye is almost all better so I'll literally see you there.

xoxo

Glennis

Sound & Vision

Right now. AT THIS VERY MOMENT. AS YOU READ THIS I have blood floating around in my right eye. Moving as I move my eye this way and that. Swirling around as I look up and down and clouding my vision so that everything is seen through a bloody, liquidy milkshake.

How did this happen, you may ask?

By singing, friends.

That's right, dudes. On Wednesday night during an I Eat Pandas show at UCB I sang so hard, rocked out so much, kicked so much ass that my body was like "we've taken enough! we can't take no more!" and so, during the last note of the last song I kicked it up a notch ("squeezing the old buns" as we "pros" call it) and burst a blood vessel in my right eye!

It happened just before the lights went out after the 15-minute musical so I think the burst vessel in my field of vision stood out even more. I walked over to the clock with blood rushing from to my head, trying not to pass out and freaking out because I couldn't move the black line in the middle of my eye. And I couldn't freak out audibly because we still had the 5-minute musical to do. SO. I reset the clock, acted as normal as I could and hoped for the best and, because I have the bestest comedy partner around, I knew we'd be ok. We got through a clunky 5-minute musical where I refused to sing a single note and when we got off stage I immediately started doing a girly freak out to Eliza.

I went to the doc yesterday and they saw the blood floating in there (as it had left the vein and the layer further in and was now closer to the center of my eye). They did a sonogram, looked in my eyes over and over, dilated them, poked them, and at least 5 or 6 docs looked in my eyes with bright lights that made me feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin. They concluded it was from singing and that it would clear up itself within a month. Or more. Who knows, really? All they told me is if the blood doesn't clear up (and they said it moved closer and closer to the front of the eye so does that mean I'll have a beat-red eye for a while? I should have asked that...), that if it doesn't clear up I may need surgery. Gulp.

The point is:

Yes, this is insanely annoying and makes my depth perception terrible.
and
Yes, I have 4 shows next week, two of which will be doubly difficult with a huge wig and heels.
BUT...

This is still the coolest injury I've ever gotten. How hardcore am I?

Love,

Glennis "bloodeye" McMurray

DEAL

Hey world? Guess what? You're gonna have to start dealing with the fact that when I Eat Pandas does something people be gettin' boners up in this bitch.

Best Week Ever lady boner provided by the lovely Sara Schaefer:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/08/01/what-klondike-should-do-for-a-klondike-bar/

Hoootio Hooooooooooo

Love,

Glennis

Rejected

Eliza and I made a video (along with the help of filmmaker/photographer Anya Garrett - www.anyagarrett.com - and super talented actor/comedian Nate Lang) for the Klondike "What Would You Do" competition. The rejection letter, among other things, said that videos are rejected when they "include acts of violence or acts that appear to cause harm."

Enjoy.



Love,

Glennis

The Hat is On

Lately, as I've probably written here half a billion times before, I've been trying on the "NO FEAR" hat. It's hard. It really doesn't fit perfectly yet, but sometimes I can pull it off. Like when I'm wearing leopard pants. Totally matches.

Recently when I was in LA I said to dear Eliza, "Hey! If we go to Disney I'll ride a roller coaster!"

Anyone who knows me well knows those are two of the last things I want to do. A) I hate Disney and B) I am deathly afraid of roller coasters. DEATHLY. Like, I think I will die on them. But I decided that by saying it I would be held responsible to do it (especially since her response was, "YEAH!? HOLY SHIT! OK!") and would therefore have to follow through or be forever deemed a huge pussy. Well, I missed out on Disney but I did indeed ride a baby roller coaster on the Santa Monica Pier. I shouted "oh god! oh god! oh god!" over and over and I thought Eliza was going to piss herself she was laughing so hard. We were both crying and howling with laughter at the end of that ride. Totally scary, totally awesome and totally worth it. (Thanks, E!)

Find me back in NY and my other dear friend, Corrine (who was BORN with the "no fear" hat on!), has convinced me to take a trapeze lesson at Pier 40 (what's with this shit all being on piers!?) by the Hudson river. Again... no idea why, the day after I fly back from LA, I'd want to take a TRAPEZE LESSON but that hat was on my head as soon as my alarm went off. The key is to just pretend like you're going to do something else. I tell my body we're going to eat (because that's my favorite sport) and it's so dumb I never chicken out anymore!

The bottom line is I totally trapezed.

And I have it on tape.

Enjoy! (And thanks to Corrine for the awesome job taping me!!)



Go "No Fear" hats!!!

xoxo

Glennis

The Story of How I Met Roger Daltrey and How Little it Meant To Me At The Time

The story begins in Los Angeles, where most stories begin, unless they begin somewhere else.

I was on vacation with THE EX (bum bum BUUUUM) and we got tickets to see his pal, Eddie, in My Fair Lady at The Hollywood Bowl (whoa what up name dropper). The show starred, you guessed it, The Who's Roger Daltrey as Alfred P. Doolittle. Now at the time... yes, I knew who he was and, like, I totally knew the some of the The Who the songs. "Whooooo are you. Who ooh. Ooh ooh." But fuck if I cared that he was in the show. I said it. Seeing Roger Daltrey on stage meant about as much to me as a puppy watching a man re-grow his hands. And that's fuckin' hard.

I'm getting off track.

Roger Daltrey.

Right.

After the show ended we went back stage and I met THE Roger Daltrey. He said my name. He shook my hand. He was quite charming, quite British and feigned interest in meeting me quite well. And yes he was short. And after we met he drove away in a Mini Cooper.

I went to LA last week and while I was there I DROVE A MINI COOPER, TOO.

I'm just saying, guys. Life is weird.

And I'm an asshole for not being more excited about meeting Roger Daltrey.

Love,

Glennis

Pretty Girl!

Here's to having far too much time on my child-sized hands!



Love,

Glennis

New Video!

NOW WALK IT OUT!!!



Love,

Glennis

Panders

Have you still not seen an I Eat Pandas show? Come see what all the kids are whoopin and hollerin about! Us!

(Well, us and Coke Zero... people are still really excited about that stuff.)

I Eat Pandas in We Classy
Monday, June 16th
9:30pm
UCB Theatre
307 W 26th St @ 8th Ave
$5.00
I shit you not. Only $5.00.

I Eat Pandas - Better than Coke Zero.

xoxo

Love,

Glennis

Holy balls

You guys the creator and EP of Celebrity Rehab (aka the best show ever) just emailed me saying he liked my Shelly the Shark video and that he was going to SHOW IT TO SHELLY. What!? I think his exact words were, "Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your Shelly The Shark impression ... I'm going to show that one to Shelly tomorrow -- it's spot on and totally hilarious."

I'll be in LA in July and I swear to god you guys... meeting her would be amazing. She kicks so much ass.



Love,

Glennis

Close, But No Cigar

I Eat Pandas took off this past weekend to perform in one of our favorite places to date: Charleston, SC. The mix of Southern hospitality, palm trees, adorable stores and The Have Nots! (the improv group who are responsible for our presence there and the entire improv scene in Charleston) is a rare combination and you can mark my words we'll be back! Our shows were all nearly sold out (with the last one completely packed) and we performed with a brand new pianist from Chicago who we'd not only never met before but never played with! Jon Wagner is an all around great guy and great pianist and he really stepped up to the plate for our shows!

So yes, it was a great weekend.

And then today I got a google alert for a review of our show. Now let me just say that I'm open to what people have to say about us. Comedy is totally subjective, improv is not for everyone, musicals may not be your thing... I get it. We've never gotten bad press (most of our frustration comes from people assuming we pre-plan or write the stuff we do) and this review wasn't a negative review of our show by any means. In fact most of it is pretty sweet, if not a bit bizarre.

Until the last line.

I'll skip ahead for you (and then post the entire review below):

"In short, in a world where women are just not smart or funny, Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner manage to come pretty close."

I don't even know where to begin with that comment. When I initially read it I thought it must be a typo, right? There's no way A WOMAN would write something like that, is there? And I honestly still have trouble believing someone would write that without thinking twice. You are a woman writing a review of a comedy show for the Charleston City Paper. That must make you pretty smart, right? If not a genius then at least a competent, capable WOMAN, right? I mean no, we're not talking rocket science here but I'm no scientist and I consider myself pretty smart. Levels, people. And on top of that I have to think you thought your opening line, "Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner may have old lady names, but their musical improv is as young and fresh as it gets." was pretty funny. Otherwise you would have stuck to something bland and ho-hum like "Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner are a two-woman musical improv group." Sure it gets the point across but it doesn't have the humor of old lady names in it! (I honestly do think that's so bizarre it's funny. I'm not being condescending.)

So why, Meaghan Strickland, would you write such a thing?

I've been in these situations countless times. People... WOMEN... have said to my face "it's really great that you're a funny women because women really aren't funny." Blanket statement. Super douchie. And chances are (even though that is clearly not true) you aren't informed enough to say something like that. You haven't seen every female comedian out there. You wouldn't say something so dismissive and disrespectful about another race, would you? So why is this ok?

Oh but she said we "come close" so I guess it's not so bad, right?

Listen, if you are a woman who doesn't think women are funny (or smart?) let me just say this: As a female comedian I can attest to the fact that it's fucking hard to get our voices heard and appreciated the way men can. And most of the time "funny" has nothing to do with it. There are no shows on TV right now where the woman is the zany character who gets to have all the fun and the man plays it straight. That sucks. And honestly I kinda feel like every time a woman says "women aren't funny" I should work that much harder to get a TV show where my husband cleans up after my wild antics and my kids are in a crazy band with a dog named John BONE-ham playing the drums (NBC? Is that you at my door?). And I guess I do. But I also feel like... FUCK! If that's how you STILL FEEL after all the shit going on right now with women in comedy then I don't know what to do. So I just shut up, do my show and hope that will change your mind.

I know. Who cares what one person thinks. Blanket statements about one class, race or gender are never right and I know the truth so who cares, right? And if she had said this to my face you never would have heard about it but the fact that this has gone to print, is online and people are reading it makes me mad.

So, Meaghan, if you are reading this (and I hope you are) that was a shitty thing to write. If it was a typo then, lady, you gotta get someone to proof that shit. Writing on a blog like this I even worry about what I say and I only have like 6 readers including my mom!

But thanks for the kind things you did say, I guess.

Here's the entire review:

Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner may have old lady names, but their musical improv is as young and fresh as it gets.

In January, during the Charleston Comedy Festival, the musical improv duo I Eat Pandas blessed the Holy City with its presence. Pandas proved to be one of the major hits of the fest, performing sold-out shows for super-enthused crowds.

Immediately after performing here, I Eat Pandas took home the 2008 ECNY Award for Best Improv Group. Coincidence? Perhaps not. The pair’s return to the Lowcountry for Piccolo Fringe suggests that Chucktown is their good luck charm, they’ve recognized it, and are back for more. But, perhaps we’re reading too much into things.

For whatever reason, I Eat Pandas has returned, and we should consider ourselves the lucky ones.

I Eat Pandas’ opening show was another in a series of grand slam Charleston performances. The audience laughed and clapped their way through the three made-up-on-the-spot musicals. Considering that much of the audience identified themselves as repeat attendees, such audience affirmation becomes even more significant: it wasn’t just the novelty of musical improv that got the crowd going, but what the ladies were singing and how well they did it.

However, what really makes the performance isn’t the singing, it’s the exchange between the two gals. Despite the years of familiarity, they somehow managed to repeatedly make each other laugh, which is then doubly amusing for the audience. It’s both endearing and endlessly entertaining to watch two performers get a genuine kick out of each other.

Although technically not a part of the improv, and possibly demeaning to the art I Eat Pandas produces, it must be said: Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner are awesome dressers. If you don’t like to laugh or listen to music (read: if you are a huge freak), the women’s wardrobe might be enough to spurn your attendance at the next I Eat Pandas performance. Both comediennes rock sweet sneaks and enviable bling.

It is almost unbelievable watching two people spontaneously compose 50 minutes worth of musical theatre. Watching the two improvers actually eat pandas may be the only more awe-inspiring activity available. In short, in a world where women are just not smart or funny, Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner manage to come pretty close.

Long time...No Me

What I've Been Up To

Hi guys! How's life?

As you can see I've been busy! But I missed you. Don't get it twisted! I certainly did! And I missed blogging - swear! And for a moment I considered changing blogs and killing this one (sorry hunny) because it reminds me of my old job (the same thing that keeps me from eating at those weird salad bar deli things we have in NY - the smell reminds me of "the job") but then I thought NAH. I'm too lazy!

So I'm back! A whole new chapter has opened up and you're on page ONE MOTHAFUCKAH!

And here, for your enjoyment is the most awesome thing I've found since I quit my job (among other awesome things that escape me right now. Also I'm kinda drunk.):

a) do you have a Mac?
b) do you use jabber via ichat?
c) good, then open ichat and go to "preferences"
d) click on "alerts"
e) next to "event:" there is a drop-down menu. Click on "message received."
f) now click on "announce when event occurs" down there at the bottom
g) and last, but not least, have a trusted pal or companion write dirty things to you.

"Pee pee pooh pooh" is my favorite so far. "Vaginay," which is not a word, sounds hilarious and the Steven Hawkings-like voice doesn't seem to notice its absence from the dictionary. I'd like to thank my beautiful friend Brandon Snider for "pee pee" and "pooh poohing" for about 10 solid minutes while I laughed like a lunatic and called out to my roommate to listen. Best part was when we sort of forgot that this was happening and she started telling me something semi-serious (as opposed to laughing like assholes) and then we heard the voice say "Brandon Snider says - Fart."

Just, I mean... can you please... just please...try your best to make this happen, people. IT'S AWESOME.

And I am 5.

xoxo

I love you all.

All 4 of you who still read this.

Love,

Glennis

But What Am I?

I hemmed and hawed about what to send as my "farewell" email today at work and decided on this (with the above as my subject line):

Today is my last day in the firm.

Just like Pee Wee Herman in his Big Adventure...

I'm off to find my bike.

PEACE

-glennis

I hope you all find your bikes, too.

Love,

Glennis

New Slang - '08 Edition

I just coined a few new phrases and I'm sharing them with you!

Prrrthetic: When you do something really pathetic but it ends up making you look adorable. Example: I learned the lyrics to a bootie-blasting rap song that we play before I Eat Pandas so I could look awesome. Do I? Indeed I do. Prrrrr. (thetic) Also, I want to be on a TV show but not because I want to be famous but because everyone on TV shows have iPhones. And I want an iPhone. Pretty prrrrthetic!

Be-bong: "Beyond" for stoners. Dude... that last piece of pizza was BE-BONG good.

Out-RegisandKathyLee: When something is so outrageous it's OUTREGISANDKATHYLEE. Am I old? I am right? Cuz I didn't say OUTREGISANDKELLY. (Matty helped me coin that one. I give props where props is due!)

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Oh and if you want more mind bending comedy like that come to my show tonight! In 1.5 hours! It will be be-bong good!

I EAT PANDAS in: WE CLASSY (same show, different name)
Tonight at 9:30pm
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Avenue
$5.00

xoxo

Glennis

I've Got a Lot of Living To Do

Dear Office,

Wow.

I don't know how to say this.

We've been together for so long! You are a part of me! You're where I come to get some serious TCB done! It's going to be so hard to leave you... and yet. I must.

Hey, Office... Remember the time I stepped away from my desk to make a few copies and came back to 1-2-3-4 (Sumpin' New) by Coolio blasting on my iPod? Ha! Classic Glennis. (And don't mess, I saw you dancing to it when I got back to my desk, Office!)

And remember the time I made coffee and forgot to put the pot underneath!? Who does that!!? You were right there for me, letting that scalding hot coffee pour over you. Never once yelling at me or making me feel incompetent.

You kept me warm in the winter and insanely cold in the summer.

You never trapped me in your elevator where I would have definitely gone into labor because wouldn't that just be the time?! Hey, thanks for that, Office.

You'd often leave free food out in conference rooms for me when you knew I was having a tough time with money!

You've taken care of me for 7 years! But now it's time for me to break away and take care of myself. I'll be "TCM" right, Office? ...right?

And so, dear Office, to quote one of our favorite singers,

I...



Love,

Glennis

Video #1

Hey guys! It's a video of me doing a character! Well, more of an impression but it's me all the same. And thanks to Brad for the gentle reminder to get me off my ass and into the editing room. More of that, please!

Enjoy!



Love,

Glennis

What's a Fire and Why Does It What's The Word... Burn

When I was in high school I sang a lot with my best friend, Brittany. Our two most memorable performances were 3-part harmony (with another pal) of "Papa Can You Hear Me" from the Barbara Streisand vehicle, Yentel and "Castle on a Cloud" complete with choreographed moves.

Tomorrow at midnight you can see me complete this theatre nerd trifecta when I perform "Part of Your World" at the amazing High School Talent Show at the UCB Theatre.



You so do not want to miss this you guys.

Love,

Glennis

Break on Through!!

Last night was amazing. It was one of those nights I've been waiting for for a long time and I can't even tell you how insignificant it probably seemed to everyone else. Last night I did Carolyn & Nichelle's final Chicks & Giggles show at Ochi's Lounge.

See?

Not really something to write home about! Not that the show is insignificant by any means but performing in a show isn't really groundbreaking news. Unless you're me!

For the longest time (woahoohoh) there's been a self-sabotaging voice inside my head trying to fuck with me. Saying things like "why are you even bothering with this? no one thinks you're funny. you're NOT funny. you're so god awful, why even GO on auditions?" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Like all day long. And I'd fight that stupid voice with every ounce of strength I had. I'd talk about it in therapy, I'd give myself pep talks, I'd do shows and go on auditions but that voice... that fucking voice... that stupid voice always won!

So I knew I had to do something to change that. I knew I had to prove that stupid part of my brain wrong. Just one little thing, that's all it would take. I wrote that post about Going For It and I meant it. I really did. But you can talk about something till you're blue in the face but talking won't change shit! I had the best intentions to put together an audition tape, I really did mean to work on characters and show everyone (MYSELF) what I can do, but unless you do it it really doesn't matter, now does it. You can say you're going to donate money to cancer research but if no one gets a check you're just a dude with good intentions. Cancer ain't gonna cure itself, bitches!

But I'm getting off track.

So I put it out there in that post and my dear friend Carolyn got my vibes (or read my blog) and asked me to do their final show which brings me to last night.

It was different. I wasn't nervous; I was excited. I haven't been excited to be on stage in a long time. A LONG time. It's not that I don't love performing but when that voice takes over it's the most painful experience. It's all based in fear and doubt and when does that ever produce good results. All I can say is thank god for Eliza Skinner because without her our Pandas shows would have been shit. I know I added some stuff but a lot of me stood there going "fuck. fuck. what do I do. fuck! I have nothing!" I was afraid to do anything. Afraid it would be the wrong choice. Not afraid that Eliza would hate it, not afraid the audience would boo me, just... afraid. Full of doubt and fear.

So there I was last night about to go on stage BY MYSELF. No Eliza. (She was there but what was I going to do call to her in the audience? Grow up, McMurray.) And this feeling of confidence was there and this feeling of excitement and I just sat there wishing and hoping and praying it wouldn't go away the minute I set foot on the stage. Praying that little voice would sleep through my act.

Carolyn called me up to the stage. I stood up. There was no blurry tunnel vision. There was no heartbeat in my ears. I walked toward the stage and didn't feel like I was going to pass out. I got ON the stage and looked at the audience. Really looked at them. I took a minute and I let them know who was in charge here! Hey, fucko to the left who talked through the first 10 minutes of the show! You! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH ME! And I said that all with my eyes. SPOOKY.

Maybe not.

But you get the idea.

I finished my piece, walked off the stage and half expected everyone to jump up and down with me going "you did it! you did it, Glennis!" Of course, no one did because like I said... it was just a show. After the show was over a girl told me I was hilarious and to my surprise I said thanks and meant it. Before I would have said thanks and then thought, "you clearly don't know shit."

I keep almost writing, "I'm not going to say I'll never hear that voice again..." but I can't! I really can't even write it because I don't EVER want to hear that voice again!

Sigh. What a great night, you guys.

Go team!

Love,

Glennis

The Luv-enator

Isn't this photo of Gov Paterson hilarious coupled with the story about his extramarital affairs??



How on Earth did they capture a picture of him mid-Nut Bust?! He's really showin his "OH" face! Got a little game of pocket polo goin on down there, do ya!?

Hold on someone is waving at me from across the room. Jesus can't they see I'm in the middle of a hilarious routine?

WHAT?

Nooooo...

Get out of town!

Legally blind, huh?

Wow.

So...

Wow.

But it really does look like he's C-ing doesn't it?

Yeeaaaah.. High Five!


Love,

Glennis

Lost Approved

Jin NEEDS the panda. Do you?

See you tonight @ UCB @ 9:30pm.

xoxo

Glennis

Whoa-oh-oh On the Radio

Hey guys!

You can hear me and my pal Becky Yamamoto on Maxim Sirius Radio tomorrow night (Weds, March 12) at 8pm on the DeVore & Diana Show dishing and dirtying up the airwaves with our filthy minds. It'll be a blast and you can hear us for free with a trial subscription! Follow this link!

DeVore and Diana
7 pm - 11 pm ET
Eighty proof radio for men who love women, and the women who put up with their crap. Join former Maxim magazine Senior Writer John DeVore and the first lady of Maxim Radio, Diana Falzone, Monday through Friday, 7 pm to 11 pm ET. John loves calling bull@#! on stuck up bastards, and Diana's a multi-talented hottie with an angel's voice and a dirty twinkle in her eye. Crack a beer, bring an opinion, and hang with these two every night as they fight, laugh, make-up, and talk from the gut about sex, realtionships, pop culture, and the weirdest, most disturbing news of the day.

Love,

Glennis

GO FOR IT

I wrote a post last year about the Year of No Fear. This was in the midst of me sitting through weekly therapy sessions saying things like "But what if..." and "I'm just afraid that if I do that..." I knew I wasn't really in the Year of No Fear no matter how many times I said it. But sometimes you just have to put those things out there. The thing I need to work on is being accountable for what I say and even what I write on this here blog.

For example?

Someone came up to me a few months ago and said, "oh hey, how did your SNL tape come out?" It took me a second of going "what the hell is this person talking about?" before I realized I had written that on my blog. It was part of my Year of No Fear! Going for something I was afraid of doing but had always wanted to. And now look at what's happened? They hired a new girl, someone I knew of and who did comedy in the same places I did, and I didn't even put myself out there. Rejection or not it's a far worse feeling to not have ever tried something, I'm finding.

So I've decided, with much hemming and hawing over holding myself accountable for this, that 2008 is the Year to GO FOR IT. Go team McMurray!

What does this mean for you, dear reader? Well, among other things, more blog posts. How's that for something? And more Glennis on camera. While putting together my reel (ahem, while MATT PUT IT TOGETHER - I love you honey) it became painfully clear how little on camera stuff I had been doing lately and how many ideas I had each day that I let slip by for one reason or another. Putting yourself out there is scary and I commend anyone who does it! Even if it garners a few negative responses (and let's face it, anonymity + a computer = instant asshole) you have to believe that these people are proud of what they've done. Eliza is one of the hardest working comedians I know right now, working hard on her own videos, constantly writing, always coming up with new ideas and I admire her for that. The people spouting their negativity should step away from the computer and try to create something unique and interesting for a change. Guess what? I guarantee you won't find Eliza sitting at her computer commenting on Youtube to make people feel shitty about what they're putting out there. She has better things to do.

So, as my first order of business in my Year to GO FOR IT I will indeed be working on characters for an SNL audition tape. I'm going to start posting a character once or twice a month (possibly more) on this blog and on a Youtube page. There. It's out there, McMurray! You are now accountable!

In addition to that I'll be putting myself out there further and GOing FOR IT even more hard core by auditioning for American Idol. There it is! It's out there! It's maybe not my ultimate dream but you know what? Neither is sitting here in an uninspiring office. Going out for American Idol is something interesting and fun... let's GO FOR IT!

So, are you ready for this or what? I am. My GO FOR IT hat is on and I'm about to toss it in the ring (and then put another one on to keep my head warm).

It's going to be a good year.

Love,

Glennis

For Reel

UG! Ok you guys! Here is my freaking acting reel, already! Now will you please stop asking?



Love,

Glennis

Question

Is it less grody to find a hair in the BEGINNING of your sandwich or the END?

YOU TELL ME, SUBWAY.

Wait, what are you doing reading this! Put your g.d. pants on and get on over to the UCB Theatre! I Eat Pandas is doing a show in less than 2 hours! What are you waiting for?!

GO!

GO!

GO!

And...

I love you.

Glennis

In Depth

This morning I sat down with myself for a little interview. This is what I had to say.

Glennis
Good morning, Glennis.

Glennis
Good morning.

Glennis
Do you remember where you were the first time you said the phrase "24/7"?

Glennis
No. But I remember the first time I screamed it.

Glennis
Good one.

Glennis
Thanks.

Glennis
How do you feel about Nazis?

Glennis
They're ok.

Glennis
Really?

Glennis
Did you say "Nazi's" or "Donuts"?

Glennis
Nazi's

Glennis
Oh then I hate them.

Glennis
So you like donuts?

Glennis
Who said that?

Glennis
You did. You just said it.

Glennis
Weird.

Glennis
You just flashed your crotch.

Glennis
Did I?

Glennis
Yes.

Glennis
I guess I really do like donuts.

Glennis
Wow.

Glennis
...

Glennis
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go right now?

Glennis
I'd shrink myself down and go inside myself.

Glennis
That's impossible.

Glennis
That's what she said.

Glennis
That doesn't even make sense.

Glennis
It does if the guy said, "grow a dick."

Glennis
You're right. That does make sense.

Glennis
And two dimes make cents.

Glennis
Good one. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

Glennis
I'd be Native American so I don't have to shave.

Glennis
That's borderline.

Glennis
Racist?

Glennis
Yes.

Glennis
Edit that part out. Ask me again.

Glennis
If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

Glennis
I'd be black so I could be really good at...

Glennis
Are you going to say "sports"?

Glennis
Yes.

Glennis
Should I ask it again?

Glennis
Just computer animate me saying something non-racist.

Glennis
We don't have a budget.

Glennis
Why not.

Glennis
You're writing this on a blog.

Glennis
I see.

Glennis
Shall I go on?

Glennis
Clearly.

Glennis
What is your biggest regret?

Glennis
Not keeping in that earlier statement about Native Americans.

Glennis
In life? That's your biggest regret?

Glennis
Yes. Why, what's yours?

Glennis
I murdered a bag of kittens.

Glennis
How do you feel about getting out of here and getting a drink or something?

Glennis
You want to get a drink with yourself because you murdered kittens?

Glennis
No I'm just thirsty. You murdered kittens?

Glennis
Yes, I just said that.

Glennis
I wasn't listening.

Glennis
You're typing this.

Glennis
That's what she said.

Glennis
This interview is over.

Glennis
That's what she said.

Glennis
That actually makes sense.

Glennis
Can you find my remote control before you leave?

The End

Tagged the Hard Way

Eliza blog tagged me (which is how we play tag in the 21st century - no physical effort or human contant) and so now I post.

Three Things I Learned The Hard Way

1. Have a Plan
I moved to NY at the age of 18. Literally just picked up and moved. There is no way in HELL I could do that today but at 18 it was the most obvious thing I could have done. It was like putting milk in your fucking cheerios... DUR. NY was my milk. So I packed 5 bags, withdrew a whopping $500 from my accounts in Boulder (where I lived for a brief time after highskoo) and hopped aboard an east-bound flight to NY. In general I'd say I have really fond memories of that time even if it was HOLY BALLS, THE WORST IDEA OF ALL TIME. I lived with a 90-year-old who went insane, I slept in the closet of an apartment for a week then on the floor of my own bare apartment for 2 weeks, I learned to make a 6-inch sub last 3 days, I jumped turnstyles, etc... etc... etc... I called my poor mother crying more than a few times and really, this was all completely unecessary. I'm here to tell you that moving without a plan is a bad idea BUT, as you can see, I ended up ok and honestly I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world if they made me who I am today. Allz I'm sayin is I ain't about to do that shit again. Lesson learned!

2. Joint bank accounts are a recipe for disaster
You know those women you see on Oprah who were stuck in an abusive relationship because they had no way of getting out? That was me, kind of, and it sucks. I was engaged to be married at 21 years old and like a big retard I put every penny I earned into a bank account with the man I was with. Why? Because I loooooved him so muuuuuch and we were gonna be together foreeeeeever. COME ON. I didn't even believe that to tell you the truth! What if your ass gets dumped or something terrible happens and you are screwed? Huh? What then? What if your lovah says "see ya" and you say "gimme some dough" and he says "nope, you bought this and this and paid for this with OUR money so this shit is MINE." Yeah bitches what you gonna do then!? I'll tell you what you're gonna do - you're gonna sleep in your friend's closet for 2 weeks. Just fucking listen to me... there is absolutely no reason all of your money needs to go into a joint account. Put 1/2 in... Put 1/4 in... whatever... just leave some in your private, personal account so you don't have to grovel for a few dimes when the shit hits the fan. I learned this shit the HARD way and I'm never making that mistake again. Lesson learned!

3. Go pee when you have the chance
I don't know what my fucking problem is but I never go pee when there's a bathroom right there at my disposal. I always so "I can wait!" and then I end up almost pissing myself 1/2 way to my next destination. What the frig, G? Use the bathroom! It's free! Anyway, yeah I've peed my pants before so that lesson was clearly wasted on me. I can't think what "the hard way" would be if I still haven't learned after PISSING MYSELF ON A SUBWAY PLATFORM. Perhaps having The Star Spangled Banner play while neon arrows shoot out my bum to point at the ever-expanding stain on my pants? Perhaps. Lesson pending!

And now, my dearest readers, I tag the following people:

Liz Black
Carolyn Castiglia
Becky Yamamoto
Ann Carr
Jen MacNeil
Matt Sears

Hope you all learn from MY mistakes and have a great day!

Love,

Glennis

Weekend Bust Out!

This past weekend Matty and I decided we'd had enough of NY and all it's conveniences at our fingertips! We were going to rough it! Take it to the streets! Live in canvas tents and romp nude through the woods!

... or just drive up to Providence and back. But oh was it ever close to the experience I just provided!

Friday we set off in our fancy shmancy Zipcar (with a very convenient pick-up location 3 blocks from my house) in the snow. Boy was there ever snow. But our little Mazda "Mandi" handled like a dream. A good dream. Not a nightmare. Don't get it twisted.

We set on up the Henry Hudson Parkway to I-95, me in the drivers seat Matty rocking out to something on the radio, when Matt picks up the water from the center console and says, "this water is cold!" and takes a big gulp. Imagine everything from this moment on in slow motion...

I think: "That's cuz it's been in the car!"
Then: "...overnight!"
Followed by: "wait... where did he get water?"
My head slowly turns and I say, "Matty...where did you get that water?"

He looks down, mortified... "WHERE DID THIS WATER COME FROM!?!"

Oh man I almost crashed the car it was so funny/disgusting/hilarious/HILARIOUS. Poor Matt drank someone else's water - the previous Zipcardigan's water. WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHO THAT WAS!!?! Gross. Poor Matt! And the worst thing about it? It was raspberry flavored water. Nothing worse than flavored water in my absolutely certain opinion.

But we persevered! Switched seats 1/2 way through the trip when the weather got really bad and saw about 6-8 cars on the side of the road. A few were bad accidents, some were just slipnslides but one things for certain: it did not at all stop people from zipping past us at 60+ miles an hour as we puttered along (safely) in the slow lane. Idiots.

We arrived in Providence at around 5pm just in time, I thought, to attend DDPP Providence. I've never been to another DDPP before and I was super excited but the snow was way too much so they had to cancel. Bummer! But it gave us more time to spend with Matt's brother and sister-in-law and the cutest baby of all time: Grace Cassidy McCarthy. I mean COME ON... she is amazing. And do you want to know the absolutely best thing about this baby aside from her kick-ass attitude and huge brain?? She rocks out to Zeppelin. You heard me. The little squirt knows her music! While eating cheerios we put on a Zeppelin doc on the TV and she was ENTRANCED. Every time a song started she started rocking out. Amazing! If my kids love Zeppelin I'll die. Just DIE.

Let's see what else did we do. Rocked out my credit card at Target and got a new yoga mat. Tried to sled on a styrofoam boogie board (hilarious. please try it.). Oooh'd and aaah'd over the cutest baby ever. Sigh.

While at Target we purchased some $10 cds for our car ride home including a best of Beach Boys. Dammit you guys that music is amazing. So rich and deep and textured and all those other music terms they use to describe great music. We listened to Help Me Rhonda like 20 times and I remembered how much Little Surfer Girl makes me sad even though the lyrics are sweet. They don't write songs like these anymore.

Back in NY Sunday night we watched parts of the Oscars (even though I am so not into award shows) and Marion Cotillard made me cry. Matt and I set to the task of putting a reel together for a meeting I had with the Broadcast Dept at my agency Monday morning. We got a late start and by 2am I was stupid tired. Matt ushered me into the bedroom and stayed up until 5am finishing it. Ladies... that is a man right there. AMAZING. (Oh and he's my soon to be roommate... hollah!)

All in all I'd say our weekend was pretty darn close to perfection even if there was no nude forest romping to be had.

Hope yours was fab as well.

Love,

Glennis

Vogue - Strike a Pose

My caliber for talent, as far as photography skills go, is how hot the photog can make me look. On that scale I give Anya Garrett an A++ for the set of I Eat Pandas promo shots she took this past weekend. Amazing. Hire this girl before she's all famous and shit and you can't even look her in the lens anymore!

Enjoy...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sketchartists/sets/72157603945383039/

(She took some amazing headshots of me as well if you're at all interested here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sketchartists/sets/72157603945387631/ See? Genius! I look hot but not hotter than I really am! Wow... this therapy shit is really working. I'm so in love with myself you guys.)

xoxo

Glennis

The Show! It Must Go On!

Last night Pandas did the first of two shows at Under St. Marks (on more left on Weds Feb 6th!) but this one was special. Why? Because I vomited BIG TIMES right before the show! Food poisoning or something... I'm home today trying to force some food down my throat so I don't have to miss anything I've got going on.

Such as what??

Such as!

DRINK AT WORK'S EXTENDED FAMILY SHOW!
Date: Jan 31, 2008 (Thu)
Location: The Green Room
Address: 45 Bleecker St.
City/State: New York, NY
Start: 10:30 PM
End: 11:30 PM

Carol Hartsell and Sean Crespo, the parents of the Drink At Work Show, are delighted to announce the upcoming birth of their grandchild, DRINK AT WORK'S EXTENDED FAMILY, which will be delivered Thursday Jan. 31 at 10:30 pm in the Green Room. And for only $12 you can watch. Nobody is judging. "Extended Family" brings together the hosts and performers from NYC's best variety shows past and present for one night only of all-star sketches: including DRINK AT WORK's Sean and Carol, KISSING BOOTH's Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco, SHARK SHOW'S Gabe McKinley and Nick Stevens, GIANT TUESDAY'S Rob Gorden and Mark Douglas, GET PSYCHED's Rob Lathan and Adira Amram, MATT AND KATINA's Matt McCarthy and Katina Carrao, I EAT PANDAS' Glennis McMurray, COMEDY IGLOO'S Kevin Janus, HER MAJESTY'S STAND UP's Lucas Held, with performances from comics Dan Allen & Anthony Devito, as well as human-one-man show Will Franken.

At the moment of completion of DRINK AT WORK'S EXTENDED FAMILY, Comedy itself will have completed its mission and will promptly curl up and die. Come out and enjoy your LAST CHANCE TO LAUGH EVER! WE'RE VERY SORRY!

How fun is that? I saw a lot of the show at tech the other night and trust me...it's gonna be GOOD.

Other than that, not too much going on. I totally haven't broken the ECNY award (yet) but it's only a matter of time - as ELIZA REMINDS ME EVERY DAY.

Hope you are all having a great day, great weekend, go Super Bowl Sunday!

Love,

Glennis

A Win!

Hey guys!

I Eat Pandas won an ECNY award last night for "Best Improv Group" and we couldn't have been more pleased. Insider secret: we totes jumped up and down like girls backstage after accepting.

Look! Look at how excited we are!


(Photo by Keith Huang, whom I finally had the pleasure of meeting last night and he's a real peach!)

Also, according to theApiary.org, IEP had the highest percentage achieved in the popular vote at 37.7%! YOU GUYS!!

It was a super fun night and great to see everyone dressed up to the nines. This community of comedians are some of the most supportive, wonderful people I have ever met and I am so PROUD to know them ALL!

Now, down to business: if you've never caught I Eat Pandas you have 4 chances coming up!

Weds, Jan 30 (Tomorrow!) & Feb 6
8pm
UNDER St. Marks Theatre
94 St. Marks Place btwn 1st Ave and Ave A
Tickets $10, $8 with Student ID
Reservations (recommended): pandaeaters@gmail.com

Featuring stand up by our favorite NY comedians! Matt McCarthy & Sean Crespo (Jan 30) and Adira Amram and Baron Vaughn (Feb 6)!

AND

Mon, Jan 4 & 11
9:30pm
UCB Theatre
307 W 26th @ 8th Ave
$5.00
Reservations: 212-366-9176

See you there. And if you voted... thank you :)

Love,

Glennis

DDPP - Have You Still Not Been?

Dance Dance Party Party (my baby, my creation, my monster!) is still going strong... but not strong enough! We're getting a nice little story about us on NPR's Weekend America which is AMAZING. We've had write-ups in Bust Magazine, Time Out NY, German magazines and so on and so forth and yet... our attendance in NY still leaves something to be desired!

If you're unfamiliar with DDPP it really has become so much more than what it sounds like. The basics are: a dark room, disco light spinning, ladies bouncing, running, spinning, laughing and singing along to Madonna, M.I.A., Biggie, Tom Petty... you name it. You burn around 500 calories (so I'm told) and leave beaming, but like I said it's so much more.

It's become this amazing space where spirits are lifted and self-esteems are mended. I received an email from one of our loyal attendees which basically said DDPP had saved her life. I'm not even exaggerating. It's almost magical! I'm not saying all this to toot my own horn either... we didn't really start DDPP (myself and Marcy Girt) with this in mind. We honestly just wanted a space where we could go, dance, get some exercise and have fun without everything that comes with a night at the clubs.

I don't want to get too cheesy but...well I really am really in love with DDPP.

So if you're reading this and feel like forwarding this post to your friends please do! Feel like coming? Awesome! Want to post something on your blog? Amazing!!

It's sweeping the nation and pretty soon we're going to have women everywhere who walk with their heads held high because for one hour a day they don't have to worry about any of the things that come with being a woman today.

DDPP is every Sunday at 2 in NY at 440 Studios (440 Lafayette Street @ Astor Place, 6 to Astor Place). Check http://dancedancepartyparty.wordpress.com for more information and www.dancedancepartyparty.com for more locations!

Love,

Glennis

PS - Did you know "The Heat is On" was NOT sung by Kenny Loggins but by Glenn Frey? (I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man) Thanks to Paul for pointing that out!

It's OVER!

2007 is over and what a year it was! I lost love, found love. Lost jobs, gained jobs. Gained a bunch of friends (don't think I lost any...) and most importantly gained a whole bunch of weight. Mmmmm pizza at 2am!

Highlights from the past two weeks:

1. Dinner with my mom, her husband Ben, my sister, her man Frank and Matt at Dallas BBQ on December 21st. My mom and her hubby arrived in NY (after driving from NC following a flight from New Mexico) at 4:30pm and by 6:00pm, as we were just finishing our meal, Ben went out to discover the car was GONE! GONE! The car was GONE! They parked in a no-parking zone from 4-7pm (oops we know how to read) and they towed our damn car. Every other car was still there but oh no, not ours. They had to miss my Christmas show and spent most of their night getting their car out of tow. $160 + a $70 ticket. What a racket!

2. A nearly sold-out I Eat Pandas show at UCB which made up for the fact that I had to work the 26th & 27th (taking a train back Christmas night to make it on time to a job you despise ain't the jam, y'all). There were only about 6 people in the audience that we knew which was AWESOME!

3. Getting drunk with friends after the aforementioned IEP show. Kate was at the show with her sister and sister's man who were visiting from LA. In addition to that my other favorites, the Burke family, showed up and took me DOWN. I was so drunk I got home at 2am, missed my 6:55am train (but really is that even necessary? a 7am train? PLEASE.) and finally got my sorry ass on a train at 8:30am. I didn't vomit but it was close.

4. Hanging out with Matt's family. What can I say? They made my Christmas amazing and I could never ever repay them. I tried to repay a little bit (because I can't ever just take something without mounds of guilt) by taking pictures of the Lord & Taylor windows for Matt's mom (she loves that stuff and couldn't make it to NY this year) but their internet is bad so they couldn't see them. So here:



5. Hanging out with little Grace. She's 8 months old and she's a McCarthy and I adore her. What a little PEACH!! I want one! Tomorrow! Ok, not tomorrow but jesus being around that kid made my uterus bananas for a kid. Speaking of uteri... we were blacked out early in our 2nd musical because poor Patrick couldn't see the clock. To keep the show going I just started singing the word I said when the lights went out over and over and over. That word was Uterus. Eliza joined in and it was a hoot. Hey guys... I hope we get a uteRUN at the theatre. Huh? Amirite??

6. Wedding on New Years Eve. Possibly the best NYE I've had. Matt and I went to his friend's wedding in Providence. We went shopping a few days before (at the mall dubbed Eliza and Glennis' mall because we had been there more times than Matt who GREW UP IN PROVIDENCE. Ok so what if he's a boy.) and I found the cutest dress for $28 for Forevsies 21 and cutest shoes (not $28) and threw that shit together last-minute (why didn't I bring something to wear knowing I had a wedding to attend? See: #3) and looked FIIIINE. Matt looked HOT and we rocked it. We were the jam. We rolled into the ceremony a little late and then, because there were 2 hours to kill, Matt, two of his friends and I went to a bar for pre-wedding drinks. As we were sitting there a story came up about how when we were in Chicago and Matt was driving me and his drunken friends home (see picture below for explanation as to why we were drunk off one beer)



I said, "you guys! I have the best song!" and proceeded to itrip my pod up and play "The Heat is On" by Mr. Kenny Loggins. NOW. I'm not sure when the last time you heard this song was but it, my friends, is AWESOME. Kenny Loggins was THE MAN. He sang Footloose AND The Heat Is On AND the theme from Caddyshack (I'm Alright) AND Dangerzone! COME ON! If nothing else he was the king of soundtrack songs!

WELL.

After telling everyone what "the best" song was I got them excited for some Loggins (I think the beer helped) so Matt, his friend Vin and I got in our car (after almost stealing his friend Dan's girlfriend away for the ride - she loves the Logg too) and proceeded to jam to The Heat is On. THE Jam. After that song Vin asks if I have any other Loggins. DO I!? Ok I had one. Footloose. Which I started playing just as we rolled into the wedding and Matt, being the most fun boyfriend ever, rolled down the windows and BLASTED IT to announce our arrival. We later heard from his friend and his girlfriend that everyone standing outside was like "that is HILARIOUS." I think they especially liked the part where I stuck my head out the window and shouted a big yelping WOOOOOOH!!

To top the night off I requested Footloose and it was the last song the band played of 2007. THE JAM!!

7. Before I left for Christmas I recorded a Pop tarts VO so you should look out for me as a bratty little girl cooking a pop tart and I say something like "Ahhh! The smell of success!" (I also did some hmms and eep noises for the lady pop tart. And now you know... the REST of the story.)

Had a great train ride back and slept like a baby once back in my own NY bed. What a lovely vacation!

Hoping you all had good times galore. And remember, when life hands you lemons you jammonit and make some LOGGINS-aide!

(I'll quit. I swear.)

Have a great night! Happy New Year!

Glennis