Right now. AT THIS VERY MOMENT. AS YOU READ THIS I have blood floating around in my right eye. Moving as I move my eye this way and that. Swirling around as I look up and down and clouding my vision so that everything is seen through a bloody, liquidy milkshake.
How did this happen, you may ask?
By singing, friends.
That's right, dudes. On Wednesday night during an I Eat Pandas show at UCB I sang so hard, rocked out so much, kicked so much ass that my body was like "we've taken enough! we can't take no more!" and so, during the last note of the last song I kicked it up a notch ("squeezing the old buns" as we "pros" call it) and burst a blood vessel in my right eye!
It happened just before the lights went out after the 15-minute musical so I think the burst vessel in my field of vision stood out even more. I walked over to the clock with blood rushing from to my head, trying not to pass out and freaking out because I couldn't move the black line in the middle of my eye. And I couldn't freak out audibly because we still had the 5-minute musical to do. SO. I reset the clock, acted as normal as I could and hoped for the best and, because I have the bestest comedy partner around, I knew we'd be ok. We got through a clunky 5-minute musical where I refused to sing a single note and when we got off stage I immediately started doing a girly freak out to Eliza.
I went to the doc yesterday and they saw the blood floating in there (as it had left the vein and the layer further in and was now closer to the center of my eye). They did a sonogram, looked in my eyes over and over, dilated them, poked them, and at least 5 or 6 docs looked in my eyes with bright lights that made me feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin. They concluded it was from singing and that it would clear up itself within a month. Or more. Who knows, really? All they told me is if the blood doesn't clear up (and they said it moved closer and closer to the front of the eye so does that mean I'll have a beat-red eye for a while? I should have asked that...), that if it doesn't clear up I may need surgery. Gulp.
The point is:
Yes, this is insanely annoying and makes my depth perception terrible.
Yes, I have 4 shows next week, two of which will be doubly difficult with a huge wig and heels.
This is still the coolest injury I've ever gotten. How hardcore am I?
Glennis "bloodeye" McMurray