Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Tagged the Hard Way

Eliza blog tagged me (which is how we play tag in the 21st century - no physical effort or human contant) and so now I post.

Three Things I Learned The Hard Way

1. Have a Plan
I moved to NY at the age of 18. Literally just picked up and moved. There is no way in HELL I could do that today but at 18 it was the most obvious thing I could have done. It was like putting milk in your fucking cheerios... DUR. NY was my milk. So I packed 5 bags, withdrew a whopping $500 from my accounts in Boulder (where I lived for a brief time after highskoo) and hopped aboard an east-bound flight to NY. In general I'd say I have really fond memories of that time even if it was HOLY BALLS, THE WORST IDEA OF ALL TIME. I lived with a 90-year-old who went insane, I slept in the closet of an apartment for a week then on the floor of my own bare apartment for 2 weeks, I learned to make a 6-inch sub last 3 days, I jumped turnstyles, etc... etc... etc... I called my poor mother crying more than a few times and really, this was all completely unecessary. I'm here to tell you that moving without a plan is a bad idea BUT, as you can see, I ended up ok and honestly I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world if they made me who I am today. Allz I'm sayin is I ain't about to do that shit again. Lesson learned!

2. Joint bank accounts are a recipe for disaster
You know those women you see on Oprah who were stuck in an abusive relationship because they had no way of getting out? That was me, kind of, and it sucks. I was engaged to be married at 21 years old and like a big retard I put every penny I earned into a bank account with the man I was with. Why? Because I loooooved him so muuuuuch and we were gonna be together foreeeeeever. COME ON. I didn't even believe that to tell you the truth! What if your ass gets dumped or something terrible happens and you are screwed? Huh? What then? What if your lovah says "see ya" and you say "gimme some dough" and he says "nope, you bought this and this and paid for this with OUR money so this shit is MINE." Yeah bitches what you gonna do then!? I'll tell you what you're gonna do - you're gonna sleep in your friend's closet for 2 weeks. Just fucking listen to me... there is absolutely no reason all of your money needs to go into a joint account. Put 1/2 in... Put 1/4 in... whatever... just leave some in your private, personal account so you don't have to grovel for a few dimes when the shit hits the fan. I learned this shit the HARD way and I'm never making that mistake again. Lesson learned!

3. Go pee when you have the chance
I don't know what my fucking problem is but I never go pee when there's a bathroom right there at my disposal. I always so "I can wait!" and then I end up almost pissing myself 1/2 way to my next destination. What the frig, G? Use the bathroom! It's free! Anyway, yeah I've peed my pants before so that lesson was clearly wasted on me. I can't think what "the hard way" would be if I still haven't learned after PISSING MYSELF ON A SUBWAY PLATFORM. Perhaps having The Star Spangled Banner play while neon arrows shoot out my bum to point at the ever-expanding stain on my pants? Perhaps. Lesson pending!

And now, my dearest readers, I tag the following people:

Liz Black
Carolyn Castiglia
Becky Yamamoto
Ann Carr
Jen MacNeil
Matt Sears

Hope you all learn from MY mistakes and have a great day!



1 comment:

Eliza said...

Nice ones! Your early NY days are shrouded in mystery and adventure! And bad financial choices.