Thursday, February 28, 2008

In Depth

This morning I sat down with myself for a little interview. This is what I had to say.

Glennis
Good morning, Glennis.

Glennis
Good morning.

Glennis
Do you remember where you were the first time you said the phrase "24/7"?

Glennis
No. But I remember the first time I screamed it.

Glennis
Good one.

Glennis
Thanks.

Glennis
How do you feel about Nazis?

Glennis
They're ok.

Glennis
Really?

Glennis
Did you say "Nazi's" or "Donuts"?

Glennis
Nazi's

Glennis
Oh then I hate them.

Glennis
So you like donuts?

Glennis
Who said that?

Glennis
You did. You just said it.

Glennis
Weird.

Glennis
You just flashed your crotch.

Glennis
Did I?

Glennis
Yes.

Glennis
I guess I really do like donuts.

Glennis
Wow.

Glennis
...

Glennis
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go right now?

Glennis
I'd shrink myself down and go inside myself.

Glennis
That's impossible.

Glennis
That's what she said.

Glennis
That doesn't even make sense.

Glennis
It does if the guy said, "grow a dick."

Glennis
You're right. That does make sense.

Glennis
And two dimes make cents.

Glennis
Good one. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

Glennis
I'd be Native American so I don't have to shave.

Glennis
That's borderline.

Glennis
Racist?

Glennis
Yes.

Glennis
Edit that part out. Ask me again.

Glennis
If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

Glennis
I'd be black so I could be really good at...

Glennis
Are you going to say "sports"?

Glennis
Yes.

Glennis
Should I ask it again?

Glennis
Just computer animate me saying something non-racist.

Glennis
We don't have a budget.

Glennis
Why not.

Glennis
You're writing this on a blog.

Glennis
I see.

Glennis
Shall I go on?

Glennis
Clearly.

Glennis
What is your biggest regret?

Glennis
Not keeping in that earlier statement about Native Americans.

Glennis
In life? That's your biggest regret?

Glennis
Yes. Why, what's yours?

Glennis
I murdered a bag of kittens.

Glennis
How do you feel about getting out of here and getting a drink or something?

Glennis
You want to get a drink with yourself because you murdered kittens?

Glennis
No I'm just thirsty. You murdered kittens?

Glennis
Yes, I just said that.

Glennis
I wasn't listening.

Glennis
You're typing this.

Glennis
That's what she said.

Glennis
This interview is over.

Glennis
That's what she said.

Glennis
That actually makes sense.

Glennis
Can you find my remote control before you leave?

The End

2 comments:

Carolyn said...

I recently conducted a similar interview with Adriana. For the record, she was the racist one.

Arjewtino said...

This is the greatest self-interview I have ever read.