You, Sirs, Are The Devil

HEAR ME NOW.

There is nothing (and I do mean nothing) that gets my blood boiling more than a fucking GYM EMPLOYEES. You, sirs, are the devil incarnate! And I never would have realized what jagoffs you guys were if it hadn't been for my boss asking me to get rates from different gyms in the area.

I had to call a few different NYSC locations in my neighborhood and without fail they would start by saying something like, "Great! You want to be a member?! Why don't you stop by and we'll show you around??" BITCHES IF I HAD TIME TO "STOP BY" THEN I WOULD HAVE STOPPED BY. I'd say, "I don't really have time, I just need to get the rates from you over the phone." They'd reply with some tard response like, "oh all our rates are pretty much the same."

...SO GIVE ME THE RATES!!!

I mean I don't understand why this is so effing difficult!!?!

Earlier today I called Equinox at 44th Street. The first thing I noticed was when I said, "membership" the receptionist got all excited and squeaky. Do even THEY get a cut of my sweet, hard-earned gym money?? She excitedly transferred me and a woman picked up. I said, "I need to get rates for your gym" knowing what would come next.

HER
Have you been to our gym before?

ME
Yes.

HER
This location?

ME
Yes.

HER
Ok why don't you stop by so we can talk about the rates?

ME
I can't really stop by. I just need to get them over the phone.

HER
Well we have a lot of different rates.

ME
...
...
AND WHAT ARE THOSE RATES.

HER
Why don't you stop by so we can talk about them?

ME
(getting angry)
So seriously you're not going to tell me, because I'll just go to another gym.

HER
Why don't you give me your email address and I'll email them to you.

ME
(faced with the prospects of either a) pissing off my boss, b) having to walk over there and meet with this chick face to face or c) give them a personal part of my life which they can use and abuse...)
Fine.

And so I gave her my email and guess what? She never emailed them to me.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

So, like I said, I didn't want to piss off my boss by not getting the rates so I put on my jacket and begrudgingly go across the street (in the rain!) to Equinox. I walk in the door and ask to speak to someone about membership. The same girl who answered the phone gets super excited and says, "ok! Just fill this out and someone will be right with you!" She hands me a piece of paper on which is written: Name, Phone Number, Address, Email, Corporation.

WHY. Why on EARTH would someone need all of that information from me just to talk to me about rates? Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE THE DEVIL.

I tell her that it's not for me, it's for my boss and she STILL makes me fill it out!! I swear to GOD I wanted to throw that clipboard at her stupid face. But I don't. I fill out the information and I use all fake stuff. My name is Kathy Emerson, my phone number won't work and I think my address is a Chinese restaurant. But, not thinking about it, I sign it with my actual signature (nice), but honestly do you think they're looking at my signature?

The woman comes out and she's actually very nice. I tell her I'm getting the rates for my boss and she gives me the information. And guess what? I'm gonna give them to you!

For just 44th Street it's $476 to start but wait! They are having a 50% off sale (but seriously she doesn't know how long this will last so you better hurry and sign up. do you want to sign up now? how about now? Now? NOW???) so now the initiation fee is $237. The monthly rate is $134 BUT WAIT!

THAT INCLUDES:

An Equifit Evaluation - $100 value
1 Personal Training Session - $75 value
Two one-week memberships - $490 value

HOW GENEROUS OF THEM!

The rate for ALL locations is $595 (also 50% off so it's now $297) and the monthly rate is $160 which also includes above.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU

Gyms can suck my nut and eat a bag of dicks. I belong to NYSC and I still think that gyms can chomp on a big old vagina.

You know what? I feel so much better now!

Have a great day!

Love,

Glennis