Glesbo: Kate The Great

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Kate The Great

This, my dear readers, is my friend Kate. I can't describe to you in words how this girl has affected my life. She's not only intelligent and well-spoken, but she's talented, kind, compassionate and can kick it old school like the best of them. There are just so many reasons for my undying love for this girl. Let's go over them, shall we?

1. She taught me how to phrase things in just such a way so as not to concern my friends and family.

Example: Instead of saying "I got so shit-faced, sloppy drunk last night I don't even know how I got home!" you say, "I imbibed half of New York's beer supply last night and woke up to a nice-sized hang over."

Do you see? Much classier and yet it gets the same message across. And that message is: beer is great.

2. She taught me that sex is not only good, it's important and not something to be ashamed of. (This sounds silly. Note to self: delete this part before posting.)

3. She has the wardrobe one can only dream about and is not shy about lending items out.

See: Birthday pants.

4. She has amazing friends who she would do anything for and who would do anything for her.

5. She holds no judgments. Seriously. Like... none. I know, right? It sounds bananas but when I tell you; the girl doesn't know the meaning of the word. (This also sounds kinda gay... maybe delete this part too.)

6. She might have coined the term, "Glesbian" (although this is a hot point of contention since I have the memory of a goldfish and I'm pretty sure it could have also been Eliza...) after hearing story upon story about how women would buy me gifts for no reason at all. "Here's a skirt." "How about some dinner?" "Why, you look like you could use a boat." And thus... the phrase: she was born.

7. But I think the most recent event that set my "Katebian" top spinning was the introduction of this video into my life and the glory that is Brenda Dickson.

Well, Hello...

(If you enjoyed that please also enjoy #2 and her website.)

And that, my friends, is my pal Kate. THE GREAT.

Have a nice day, won't you?

Love,

Glennis

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Glennis-isms

Clair Stare (v) - Derived from the fabulous Clair Huxtable's show-stopping stare. As powerful as any words, fist or bullets and twice as effective. "Piss slowly dripping down his leg he knew at once that his airplane hijacking attempt had, once again, been thwarted by the Clair Stare."

Out-Regis-and-Kelly (adj.) - Used to describe someone's fabulous, sparkly outrageousness. "Not sure if the girl in front of her had fallen or begun a strange, errotic dance, she chose to classify her as out-regis-and-kelly."

Out-Regis-and-Kathy-Lee (adj.) - Used to describe someone's slightly off-putting, drunken or outdated behavior. "The party took a turn for the worse when they arrived and, in truly out-regis-and-kathy-lee fashion, upper decked every bathroom in the house."

Prrrthetic (adj.) - Used to describe a pathetic action that, somehow, ends up making you look adorable. "The prrr-thetic attempt to get him back fell short when the aerial photo of his face made out of cats was overexposed."