If by Classy you mean Trashy

I have to say the best part of watching Project Runway last night was Kayne. Kayne... I love you, you (low-fat) corn fed hick. And I can call you that because I, myself, have hick roots. And because you call yourself that. I find you completely endearing and I love the fact that you love every outfit you make in a dear and sweet way (and not a delusional and WRONG way, like Angela. WHAT THE EFF WAS SHE THINKING YESTERDAY!?!)

But I seriously almost choked on my diet coke when you thought the "Trendy, Jet Setting" person they'd be designing for (who I think he also said was glamorous) was TARA REID.

Are we talking about the same Tara Reid here, Kayne? The one that inspires artists to do this?

Oh Kayne, Kayne, Kayne.

Anywho...the show was great and I'm so glad they kicked off who they did!

Dear Ms. Collins

Might I suggest, for future events where there might be photographers present, a high-neck collar?

Sincerely,

Glennis

Let's Move On, Shall We?

Now, I know this is going to break your hearts but try to hold it together ok?

I am not Ellen's new DJ.

I found an article online saying that a Radio DJ from somewhere was one of the final 4 being considered for the job. Also, she starts shooting on Monday.

Here's what kinda blows... I never got a rejection letter! If they never got my submission or I was late... well that's just a bummer.

But oh well, right guys! Life goes on! Whatever's supposed to happen, happens!

Group hug.

Glennis : )

Tonight, 7pm

For those of you who have always wanted to know a juicy Glennis secret, I will be performing a personal essay containing one in a show at the PIT tonight. The show is called "Casting Couch" but really the show we're doing is called "See me, Hear me" and it's from the glorious mind of Kate Tellers.

$8, 7pm, The PIT

See you there.

Secretssssssss...

PS - I like this "share my life with the world" thing. So far it's giving me a kick.
PPS - I bought my new bed and it's DELIGHTFUL! My room is on its way to being inhabited by an adult.

Gawkin

Liz and I have finally been validated by Gawker.com when Liz's recent post "What's the 311" about the domestic abuse posters in NY subways was linked!

We're so famous!

AND SASSY


What more could we ask for?

Just Two Small Town Girls

Liz and I attended the Evolution (Journey Cover Band) concert on Saturday. It was freaking awesome. Liz will be out with another Popmatters.com review on it in a few days to which I'll link you guys. Until then, enjoy the picture. Please note how much Hugo (the lead singer) looks like Steve Perry.



Again... it was an AWESOME show. Check out their website so you can catch one, too.

Step Up!

You guys I just realized that I am a responsible adult because I bought an expensive pair of sunglasses and I've had them for like 5 weeks and haven't broken or lost them!

Anyway, as Tim Gunn would say; Carrying On...

Now, I don't want you guys to be jealous, but I saw "Step Up" last night with Eliza and it was ah-soooome! The movie had it all and I know you THINK you know what I'm going to say about it (that Channing Tatum was H-O-T) and you would be right in that assumption.

Channing Tatum put the Hot in "Let's get a Hotel and you can make sweet love to me."

The man should be featured on the cover of Torso, Butt & Neck magazines. Wow. The only thing taking away from the hotness that is CeeTatum was his RIDICULOUS dancing. The man could dance but looked RIDICULOUS doing it. His neck bobbled and weaved and he was all over the place moving like a bean in a fryin pan!

Oh that reminds me... I just coined three new phrases:

"That's Wayzee Okayzee"
"It's Mighty Alrighty"
"That was Willy Wonkee" (referring to something crazy that's just happened)

Anyway, back to ChanTate...

So he moved like Jar Jar Binks but looked like this:


(Snake in a Hanes! Yeah! Uh Uh! YEAH! Go, Glennis!)

Ahem.

I also hated the outfit he wore through most of the 1st part of the movie. It's so girly that I just said that. But anyway, it was kind of stupid.



And by FAR the best actor of the movie was what we called The Break Dance Girl! from the Missy Elliott video and JC Penney (??) commercials, Alyson Stoner. Wait, her last name is Stoner? So if you just use her first initial and last name she'd be A. Stoner? What if she marries Andrew Crackhead? ANYWAY. She is aaadorable and we both agreed we needed to see more breakdancing from her.



The best part of the movie, IMO, was the audience. Eliza and I kept giggling when people would make comments about what was happening on screen, "Ohhh SHIT! White boy can dance!" and would wait with eager anticipation for the audience to break into applause. It happened once... toward the end... and now for the life of me I can't remember what happened. It must have been the final dance number (all movies should end in a final dance number) which is also the picture above.

Also, is it just me or is ChannyTatey kind of cross eyed? And by cross eyed I mean totally hot with a cobra in his shorts. I need to stop.

Overall the movie was perfect. Exactly what I expected and more. I wasn't surprised once and could have written the movie in my sleep but it really puts you in the dancing mood (which I always enjoy, as we all know) and you can expect me to have purchased the soundtrack by, oh, tomorrow morning.

Speaking of dance, can I just reiterate to you guys (vie my other blog) how awesome the Peaches album "Impeach My Bush" (take out the "My") is? It's awesome to dance and work out to and you should get it.

In summary: "STEP UP" RULEZ!!

MAMA'S BACK!

Is it gross to call myself Mama?

Anyway!!!

I am back you guys. Back in the swing of things, feeling much better, life goes on, obla di, blah blah blah!

I am single now. Isn't that scary and crazy? It is. But also, amazing. And sad and silly and sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around it. Because sometimes you want things to work so badly you'll do ANYTHING to make them work. And sometimes that's not a good thing. But I still love my ex so much, I just realize now that I love myself... too? more? period? And what's better than that? NOTHING. I AM SO OPRAH!

I keep having all these epiphanies lately. And I'm realizing that I have ignored myself to pay attention to guys for way too long. Two long relationships where I completely ignored myself until it got to the point where I could take no more. And now I'm ready to get with myself. Is that gross? I don't care! I need to take care of me. And ladies, read this now and BELIEVE IT... you will never ever EVER EVER EVER change a man. EVER. I heard it and never believed it. But it's true. They are who they are and they TELL you who they are the minute you meet them. So if you're with someone and you're saying, "Oh just a little bit more of putting up with this BS and then he'll be the perfect guy!" STOP RIGHT THERE.

I'm not saying those guys are BAD guys at all! Just... if you feel like you're losing yourself to accomodate someone else's needs... maybe think twice about the relationship.

Also, I'll say it again: therapy is amazing.

So enough about my ridiculous love for myself and life and all that stuff.

Just remember who's most important in your life. And take care of that person. Because honestly, it's gonna catch up with you. Maybe not now, and maybe not in 10 years, but it will catch up with you and you'll regret it.

Bottom line: YOU ARE AWESOME and if you don't think you are, then you're WRONG!

Another Blog

Because I don't have ENOUGH to do in my life (and because I have virtually 30 hours a week in which I spend in front of a computer screen, at a desk, in a large beige box) I've started another blog. Because you all know how much I love music; this is a blog telling you good songs to listen to. It's called:

POINT OUT THE BOUNCE

In other news, I'm still here but not quite as chipper as usual. It will return. Please stand by.

Put. It. DOWN.

Ug you guys!

It's one of those times in my life. I can only explain it by saying that I feel like I'm in one of those snow globes and some little kid keeps shaking it and won't let it settle. Put it DOWN already! I never liked those globes. Boring. Too perfect. I did like those pens where the bikini comes off the girl. Now that's fun.

I have a few things to talk about at 3:18 in the morning.

#1
I am really glad they made the movie "World Trade Center." Because I think we all know how close we were to forgetting that day. Especially those in NY at the time. Phew! Thanks Oliver Stone! That day was almost wiped completely from my mind! Dick brains.

#2
This is a message to Harrison Ford: Harrison! Mel's out of the picture as America's Sweetheart! Let's get on that shit! Ride the wave! Yeeeeeee haw!!

#3
If you didn't listen to my rap you should!

#4
I cleaned house today and talked to myself the entire time as Jackie from "Workout" on Bravo. It might have been a defining moment in my life.

#5
Please check out my other blog because I lurv it.

#6
Sorry Blogger, but Wordpress kicks your ass.

#7
Hello dude from the Raisin Bran Crunch cereal commercials. Welcome to my blog.

#8
I might be taking over Queens, bitches! Let's get it on!

I'm finally tired. Maybe now I can sleep. Or maybe I'll write a new rap.

G

So... How Was Your Trip?

As some of you know, I just got back from 5 days in Puerto Rico.

How was it, you ask?

The trip was... it was...

Hmmm... Why can't I find the words?

Oh I know why.

Because I'm not RAPPING.

(NO SERIOUSLY CLICK ON THAT LINK. YOU WILL NOT BE DISSAPOINTED!)

Commercial Whores!

Hey everyone! I'm baaaaaaack!

Before I recap what I've been up to the past 5 days (IN A RAP), I will alert you to a new blog I've started. You all know how obsessed I am with commercials and so I present to you:

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor!

Yes, Liz Black and I are finally, once again, joining forces to bring to you the blog among blogs. All about commercials! You know you love it. It'll feature music from commercials (what's that song?!), infomercials, commercials we love, commercials we hate, and as much hilarity as 30-second commercials can inspire. WHICH IS A LOT.

So check it out. And if you have some commercials you'd like to alert us to, email us at andnowaword at gmail dot com.

Peace!! I'll be back later with a real blog post. And more. Continuious. Never ending. Blog posts. HOORAY!!

Love,
Glennis

Cabbie Wabbie

Cab drivers love me. I don't ever get hit on in NY unless it's by a cab driver. And I get hit on a LOT by cab drivers. Something about my eyes looking out the window avoiding their gaze in the rear view mirror says, "go for it."


I want you. To take me home. And stay in the cab. While I go inside. Alone. Without you.

So I get a lot of weird comments (like that I look like a planet) and propositions. One cab driver recently started hitting on me by saying that I was nice to look at. He then went on to say, "We could spend some time together if you like." I said, "no, no. I have a boyfriend." He replied with, "Oh." (pause) "Is there an engagement?"

If they don't hit on me, they at least ask me if I'm from Russia, Poland, Romania, etc. Some of them are so excited by the prospect of having a conversation in their native tongue that I say, "no" as if they'd just asked me if their mother survived her life-saving operation.

Someone once told me the best time to take a cab is early in the morning, around 6-7am because you can find money in the back seat from the drunkards who didn't realize they'd dropped it earlier that night.

One time I was so drunk I threw up ALL over the back seat of a cab and, from what I remember in my drunken state, the cab driver was really nice to me, grabbed his roll of paper towels from behind the front seat (aaahh that's what they're for) and helped me clean up. Then took me all the way home to Brooklyn. What a nice man! (This was also the night I almost blacked out in a bar, walked out on my friend Kirby and accidentally left our SUPER large tab unpaid at a bar. Green Apple martinis are the devil!! Or not knowing how to drink them in moderation might be the devil.)

One time, when I first moved to NY, I took a cab from my apartment to Grand Central. The cab ride was about 15 minutes and the driver was on the phone the whole time. When we got to GC he got off the phone and said to me, "I found this phone in my cab this morning. What should I do with it?"

I think I'm reaching for straws here with my cabbie talk. So I'll stop. But you should tell me your cabbie stories. I especially like this one from comedian Todd Barry.

Oh wait... I'm not done talking. Who the hell is Chelsea Handler and WHY THE HELL DOES SHE HAVE HER OWN SHOW!? I'm all for supporting women in comedy but honestly her show makes me cringe.

Also, I Eat Pandas did a show this past weekend and ended with a standing O. And someone took a picture! Hooray for that someone!