Tuesday, September 20, 2005

How to Blink Your Eyes

Recently, I signed up for the new Google home page (which is the tops although doesn't necessarily quench my thurst for fancy web pages). On the page they have great little additions such as "Word of the Day," (today's word is deliquesce: to melt away or become liquid.) and "Quote of the Day," (The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. - Lord Acton).

But my favorite extra-goodie is the "How To of the Day" in which you can get step by step instructions on everything from riding a horse to buying good fish for sushi.

Todays How To, however, had me giggling like a kitty in a kite store.

"How to Walk Silently"

Walking silently is an art that most people have not successfully developed to any degree. With practice, one can improve and master the art of stealth.


1. Get soft foot wear. The harder your footwear, the louder the noise. The best type of footwear is socks or leather moccasins. When at all possible, avoid bare feet (feet generally sweat and on flat surfaces, this creates lots of noise, as they stick to the floor) and hard-soled boots (because of their bulk and material, boots are more difficult to walk quietly in).

Don't be a jokester, this is important.

2. Wear sparse, tight clothing. When walking, one's legs and clothes rub together creating noise. Minimizing your gear will prevent this.

Yes, that should do.

Yes, that too.

Ok, dum dum, that will do.

3. Take slow and measured breaths from the mouth. Air travelling through a small passageway creates more noise than a large passageway. If more air is needed, open your mouth to its full extent. It may look foolish, but it creates less noise.

No, no, that will never do.

4. Watch the next place you will take a step.

Be mindful of objects you are stepping on.

Oh Buuuuuuuurn!

And blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth.


Frequently test your skills. Try sneaking up on a friend and ask them if they heard you.



With knowledge of stealth, one is tempted to test one's skills. Do not use these skills to do anything illegal or harmful.

Remember that "with great power comes great responsibility."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now start sneakin!