Today I had the first meeting/readthru for what might be the best show of all time. Jem & The Holograms live and on stage and live for your faces with me as Jem/Jerrica singing and dancing and fighting Pizzaz and the Misfits! (Working Title) Seriously it's going to be so FUUUUCKING awesome. But anyway, today we had a meeting and after, Liz, Jen, Amanda and I decided to go get some coffee from the Starbucks around the corner.
We walk in and the girls set their stuff down at the counter near the front door to save our places. I get my coffee but then Liz notices two people getting up from a table nearby with 4 chairs so we gather up our stuff and walk over to get that table. On a chair at the table sat a plastic Payless bag. Wondering if the people who'd just left might have mistakenly forgotten the bag, I looked inside. It was filled with newspapers so I gingerly picked up the back, contemplated taking it to the trash but then decided they might come back for it so I set it on the floor next to our table. Everyone got their coffee and we sat down to discuss the awesomeness that Jem will be.
Out of the corner of my eye I see a woman walk over toward our table. She was totally normal looking. She had brown hair, nice makeup on, very nice clothes...she really was put together. She stops, looks around, picks the Payless bag up off the floor then looks at Amanda and says, "You didn't have to PUT MY BAG ON THE FLOOR!!" Seriously...she yelled. Amanda was all yo bitch step off cuz I don't know what the frriiiig you're talking about so she's all, "I didn't!" and I look at the lady and I'm all yo step off, "I put it on the floor. Sorry, I thought it was trash."
HOHOHOOOOOOO that set her off.
"Trash! You thought it was trash! THE NEW YORK TIMES! YOU THINK THE NEW YORK TIMES IS TRASH!!"
And I was all UH!
And she was all PSSSHHHH!
And then I looked at her and I said, "it's a plastic bag with newspaper in it... I thought it was someone's trash. SORRY." And she holds up a Sephora bag and says, "Would you have thrown this SEPHORA bag away if it had been sitting on the chair??" and I said, "If it had been FILLED WITH TRASH!!" Biiiiitch, please.
So then Crazy walks away and stands in line again to get her drink and I'm all, "WHAT THE EFF GUYS, RIGHT??" to the ladies at the table and they're all GUUUURL What. The. Eff. Highfives.
Then I look at Amanda and make sure crazy can hear me and I say, "She is crazy!" and she hears me and storms over and says "I am not crazy... SOCIETY is crazy. No one talks to each other anymore! We're all emailing and connected to a computer! SOCIETY IS CRAZY!" And I'm looking at Liz with my back to the lady and I'm like WHHHAAAT?!
So I turn to crazy and I say, "Go away now, crazy! Time to go away! Shoo! And byyyy the waaaay you should NOT drink coffee. You need to bring it down. Drop it in. Do some yoga. You are way too uptight. AND YOU ARE CRAZY. STOP TALKING AND GO AWAY." And Amanda's all "it doesn't even matter! Just relax!" And the lady is like "I DO YOGA!" and then she steps back in line.
THEN SHE COMES BACK and this time she's spouting something else and Liz gets UP OUT OF HER CHAIR and goes "do you want to sit down!?! HERE! SIT DOWN!! WE'RE SORRRRRYYYYYY!" Literally yells at her and I am seriously giving Liz the highest high five of all time in my head it was that awesome and all the time this is happening poor Jen is sitting there going "what is going on!?" because she was not there for the initial interaction and thought, when she walked over from buying a delicious Starbucks fruit/cheese plate, we were talking to a friend. A friend called Crazy.
So after Liz yells "SORRY!" at her she goes, "Thank you. That's all I wanted."
OhHOHO but it's not over yet. She sits at a table behind us and for the rest of our Starbucks break she's pretty quiet. I noticed Liz keeping an eye on her throughout (should she, you know, pull out a knife and shove it in my head or something Liz would karate chop it out of her hand... we got each other's backs like that) but she kept to herself, reading her trash. Sorry... her NEW YORK TIMES NEWSPAPER.
So we're gettin' ready to go and Liz says, "wait... don't leave yet... something else is going on over there" I look over and Crazy says to us, "I recycle the paper! Also... my purse is GONE!! It was right here on my chair and now it's GONE! And I can't get into my house or call anyone or use my wallet to buy delicious coffee drinks! GONE!"
Now it might sound like I'm making fun of her and that's because I am. Bitch was crazy, y'all!
She calls a Barista over and says, "they moved my bag from the chair and then my purse was gone!" That's about all I had to hear to know we needed to get the eff out of there. I was not about to hang around this Starbucks to be accused of stealing some douchebag's purse. She hung it on the back of her chair and it's possible someone stole it (DID YOU JUST ARRIVE IN NEW YORK!?!) but seriously, we all kind of agreed that it was more likely she ate it or flushed it down the toilet or maybe shoved it up her huge Crazy VAGINA in order to get attention.
I feel sorry for her if she really did lose her bag. I can't imagine losing everything in my purse. There. That's all the sympathy you'll get from me.
BITCH WAS CRAZY.
I kinda wish we'd stuck around to see what had happened but we had places to be and quite honestly I don't trust NY Police enough to not think something bad would come of us sticking around while a lady accused us of stealing her bag.
Just another event proving that crazy follows me 'er I go.
Have a great night!