As we all know, Glennis is single. Mama ain't been single in about 8 years (goddamnit I hate when I call myself mama) so this is all new to me.
Well aparently I don't like the single life because I have a new boyfriend. I know, I know. I didn't give all you single boys out there reading my blog a chance to take me out and make me pay for half our meal! I'm sorry! But I really just fell in love, and didn't expect it at all! I guess you can say I was blind-sided. I really need to learn when-to-use-hyphens.
I just want to warn you that if you're sitting there thinking and hoping and wishing that I'm talking about food or my old boyfriend I can assure you I am not. This is a real, true to life man and he loves me back.
His name is Justin. Justin Timberlake. Last night, while stuffing a quesidilla into my face, I placed my headphones into my ears and flipped on his new CD. And Justin made love to me right there. Quesidilla and all.
We started off as most relationships do, hard and fast. He told me he wanted to bring sexy back and I was like "why, did it go somewhere?" So right there we established that I was the funny one and he the looker. He told me how he had trouble dealing with his ex cheating on him and it drew us closer in a way only bitches you used to date can. But the moment he had me was when he laid me down and told me he had written this song for me and my cheese-stuffed tortillas.
I hope I'm not rushing into things, but he totes asked me to marry him (in a round-about-cryptic-way-why-do-I-keep-using-hyphens-if-I-don't-properly-know-how-to-use-them?)
but I know what he meant and I said yes. So we're totes getting married! We're registered at the "fucking awesome couples" store.
Anyway, I'm sure it will last so you really do need to hang up your "going after Glennis" hats. I'll have Justin put up a hook for them because he's really good at that. Get it?? Putting up HOOKS?!?!
I cannot be stopped.
Have a lovely day all you lovers.