Before I begin a new rant here's a promised picture from Orlando. I mean, can someone please put out this adorable-fire?
Now, on to the post. (Disclaimer: I know nothing about comic books or superheroes except what is presented to me in movies and on wikipedia.com. But seriously, if something I'm writing about a comic book hero makes you upset you might have bigger problems.)
I just watched the trailer for Spider Man 3 and oooh is it ever hot. You can watch it here.
Spidey is definitely my favorite of the super heroes. And by favorite I mean the one I'd most likely do it with. We're not talking Peter Parker here. Just Spidey. KEEP THAT MASK ON, I SAY!
You can cry, just don't let me see it.
Now, what does this say about me? I don't want to know the man underneath, just the expressionless sex spider swooping through the air. (Say that 3 times fast.) Batman is just a little to wrapped up in his parents for me. You know he'd be all, "yeah, oh let's do this. Nice, right there. Right there. RIGHT... OH GOD! NO! DON'T KILL MY PARENTS! OH GOOOOOooooooo....d." (squirt)
Total turn off.
And Superman? Come on, you know he'd be SUCH a wimp in the bedroom! All polite and, "would it be ok if I removed your panties?" (Only if you remove yours first, Super Man.) And he seems like such a perfectionist. God forbid something doesn't go right during sex, he'd probably stop in the middle to spin the world backward and start over.
Moving on. Captain America I give a big old thumbs down to but that's solely based on his appearance. First, he is covered in red, white and blue so you KNOW he's a conservative a-hole who hates gay people. I love me my gays and ain't no superhero gonna say otherwise! Also, what's with the shield? What are you hiding from, Captain America?? Stop blocking your goddamn emotions with your supershield!!
And then there's the dude that stole my heart when I accidentally turned on the cartoon network one fateful night in high school and caught the X-Men cartoon. Wolverine. Sigh. Hearts. Bubbles. Kisses. Cuddling. Accidental Impalement.
Oh Wolverine, (from the cartoon. did I mention it's the cartoon version I'm sweating over?) you have my heart. (On the end of your knuckle-blades.)