Glesbo: Fear's Triumphant Return

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Fear's Triumphant Return

If you missed my old blog about all things fear (see: fear and...) then you missed the stage in my life where i obsessed about well all things fear. I basically watched every medical show on the Discovery Health channel until my mind could no longer take the constant torture of thinking a branch was going to fly through my car window impaling my delicate doe-like skull.

Gleeeeeeennis... I'm waiting for you.

I thought my fears had been squelched. I thought I was through with the constant obsessions.

But no... they are BACK.

Lately I can not stop imagining my nose being hooked by things and ripped off. I know it's disgusting. Imagine thinking about it at every turn! And if you really think about it there aren't even that many things you could hook your nose on but I seem to be able to imagine wild scenarios that include just that.

Let's take a look at the usual suspects:

Obvzies

Totes

Watch those high kicks, friend.

Duh!

slight exageration

Seriously people, I hope I haven't scarred you but I CAN'T stop thinking about this for realzies.

I love you, nose. Please stick around.

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Glennis-isms

Clair Stare (v) - Derived from the fabulous Clair Huxtable's show-stopping stare. As powerful as any words, fist or bullets and twice as effective. "Piss slowly dripping down his leg he knew at once that his airplane hijacking attempt had, once again, been thwarted by the Clair Stare."

Out-Regis-and-Kelly (adj.) - Used to describe someone's fabulous, sparkly outrageousness. "Not sure if the girl in front of her had fallen or begun a strange, errotic dance, she chose to classify her as out-regis-and-kelly."

Out-Regis-and-Kathy-Lee (adj.) - Used to describe someone's slightly off-putting, drunken or outdated behavior. "The party took a turn for the worse when they arrived and, in truly out-regis-and-kathy-lee fashion, upper decked every bathroom in the house."

Prrrthetic (adj.) - Used to describe a pathetic action that, somehow, ends up making you look adorable. "The prrr-thetic attempt to get him back fell short when the aerial photo of his face made out of cats was overexposed."