Anticipation. Excitement. Dread. Fear. Worry. Regret. Pain. Anger. Tears. Relief. Exhaustion.
Yesterday I went to get acupuncture for the first time ever. My dearie dearest sweet pal Becky swears by it and after Eliza went, loved it, told me they asked questions about crazy dreams and said "you must go!" I went! I'm very easily convinced of things. Just ask anyone who knew me when I lived in Bangkok.
But here's the thing, guys. It was one of those situations where I was like "awesome! I'm totally going to do this!" and then I got there and I was like "oh my god I'm going to do this." Which is pretty much how I think I'd handle most situations that require you to think a thing through before committing to it. God forbid I'm ever given a sky diving lesson as a present. How late is too late to back out of something like that? Mid-flight?
So I'm sitting in the office filling out the extensive questionnaire and I'm fine. The doctor is sweet and gentle and quiet and I immediately like her. I go in the room and we sit and talk. And suddenly something hits me. I don't know what it was exactly but it must have been related to the fact that she was asking me questions about myself. Questions that only I would know the answer to. Stuff that I'd have to have paid close attention to my body to know. And some stuff I just had never thought of. And I started to get really sad. But as is the Glennis fashion I pretended like everything was fine, put on a smile, pretended not to be nervous as hell as to how I was going to react to having tiny needles thrust into my skin… I pretend a lot. It's not good. We know this. We're trying to stop this, I swear.
So I'm smiling. She asks me if I'm nervous and blurt out "YES!" (See? I'm trying.) Showing weakness is hard for me. I might as well be a goddamn Stepford Wife. (I'm very attracted to the role of Bree on Desperate Housewives… and I hate myself for that. I'm kidding. Kinda.)
She says it's perfectly normal that I'm feeling nervous and, with my shoes & socks off, pants rolled up and tiniest bit of stomach exposed, she gets to work. The first pin goes into my right leg. Nothing too painful. She's asking me how I'm feeling the whole time and telling me that the spots on my achilles tendon are good for sleep (...the whole reason I went. Did I fail to mention that? Sleep and stress.) And when she puts a needle in below my knee somewhere on my leg and a pain shoots down my leg into my middle toe and I react and she says "Good. That's a good sign. That area is for stress." Two in each arm near the wrist. Two in my head where my unicorn horn might be. One sat right smack dab in the middle of my cleavage, and one in my stomach. And there I lay. A human pin cushion who had not thought the depth and the seriousness of acupuncture through and who was now a tiny bit freaked out.
The doctor told me she was going to leave the room for about 20 minutes. She turned out the light after checking that I was ok one last time, and closed the door.
And I started crying. I couldn't stop it. Just like I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks and filling up my ears. I started freaking out about crying. What was I crying about? Was it from the needles? My mind started racing. Of course. I couldn't just lie there crying and let it happen. I had to be in control of this!! I had to stop this!! Tears are a sign of weakness! I couldn't wipe my eyes because of the needles in my arms and I was miserable. A few minutes later the doctor opened the door and asked if I was ok. I cheerily said (practically shouted) "YES! FINE!!" and she was on to me, people! I mean of course she was. She said "it seems like you're wide awake and alert. Are you ok?" I told her I was having trouble relaxing. I was freaking out a little feeling so raw and emotional and yes, I told her I started crying. She gently came in and reassured me that I should let it all out. She put two needles in each ear to calm my mind, touched my arm and asked me if I was ok, and left the room again.
And the tears started again. This time even worse and this time I started freaking out because I wondered what would happen if the tears got into the needle holes! Oh good god! Not that!!! Not SALT WATER!!! GOD NOOOOOOO!!!!
And then I started laughing. Just a little bit. Because, come on guys, I'm ridiculous. I would worry about breathing if it didn't happen naturally!! I'm surprised I haven't, quite honestly! Why haven't I laid awake nights worrying I might stop breathing!? I mean I really am crazy. It's a miracle Matt doesn't want to push me down stairs the way I fret about this and that. He's amazing. Supportive. Wonderful. So patient.
But I'm getting off subject. I finally did relax and stopped crying toward the end of my 20 minutes of peace. And she came in, took the needles out, told me I could sit up and gave me a tissue. I cried a little bit more about how amazing an experience that was and I saw her get a little teary too. I don't know why but that really made me feel better.
I walked out of the office feeling calm, peaceful, relaxed, the most I'd felt that way in years. I made a vow to stick to the stuff we had spoken about and looked forward to our appointment on Monday.
Eliza had said the relaxed feeling could last up to a week and I think it might have but I went to therapy a few hours after and kind of snapped back to reality, unfortunately. Not unfortunately because it was a good session… but that relaxed feeling really was something I hadn't felt in a long time. I'm excited for the next time.
In other "pins & needles" news… we had the screening for the Electric Company last night. Party screening part wrap party. I was so nervous/excited/stressed to see the pilot but honestly it was SO amazing! It looked wonderful, everyone is fantastic in it and, if I do say so myself, I think we've got a hit on our hands. We look cool but not like we're trying to be cool and dudes… Shockwave is the best part of it. Kids are going to want to BE HIM. So wonderful!! It was also just great hanging out with the people who worked on it. Meeting the people who edited it and worked after all the shooting was wrapped. It's such an amazing group of people… equal parts fun, business and all talent. Can't wait till we start shooting again!!!
And I guess on that note I've got to get back to another pin… erm pen. I'm at work. Sigh.
Have a great day!!!