If you ever hear me complain about money please smack the right side of my face ever so gently (that's my bad side - don't touch the left that's m'moneymaker) because as I speak there is a mountain of clothing sitting in my room awaiting laundering. Scratch that. Make it 3 mountains. A full range of mountains composed of shirts, undies, sexy doo dads and assorted capes and I reason myself out of taking the clothing to a professional to have them cleaned because it costs too much. And washing them myself is completely out of the question since I have very little free time on my hands and who wants to spend that time washing clothes?? It takes a good 2.5 - 3 hours to launder duds! Time that could be spent navigating the Gap Trail in my room! So what do I do? I shop. I buy something new for work the next day or something for an audition when I have 12-13 perfectly good options buried at the bottom of my laundry bag.
Now that's what I call lazy!
Liz was the one who dubbed my mess Clothes Mountain. Many a laugh was had speaking in our old prospector voices warning hikers of the dangers of "stocking pass" and "v-neck gulch." (Seriously I do a great old prospector voice. Ask me about it. I mean I won't do it for you but I'll confirm that the information I've just provided you with is true.)
So I'm taking the first step to fixing this problem: I'm admitting it. Yes. I admit I have a problem with keeping my life in order and more specifically my clothing. I admit I have clothes that I haven't touched in a good 5 years but hold on to "just in case I do another show where I need a petticoat." I admit that clothes mountain sometimes scares me in the middle of the night when I look over and think it's a little person version of jaba the hut.
If admitting it is the first step then perhaps then next obvious step is to believe that a power greater than me will restore me to sanity. (This AA stuff really works on everything guys. I'm just saying.) I guess in this case the power greater than me is Christopher Wash & Fold. I believe in you guys and your powerful starching ways.
So now I must make the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of them as I understand them. Now this part could get a little tricky because I'm not sure I can turn my will AND my life over there. Sure, they can have control over my life…but my will? What if they decide it's time for me to die? Imagine the death that would come for me! Dried to death! Steam cleaned to oblivion! This is sounding more and more risky as it goes on!
I think next I need to list the people I've wronged or offended. So that's pretty much anyone who's ever been in my room. We'll start with Matt because he's dealt the brunt of the filth. Liz is the obvious next choice and then, going alphabetically: Amanda, Eliza, Erin, Giulia, Jeff H., Jeff K., Jeff M., Jen, John, Kate, Katina, Margot, Shelly, Sue, Wendy… just to name a few. Sorry you guys. I'm sorry my clothing hurt or offended you.
Ug this is exhausting. I'm tired of making this list. I'd rather be doing anything but this right now. ANYTHING. Even…
(streaming light through clouds, angelic singing)
I've done it! I've broken the chain! I know how to quit drinking! I mean… do my laundry. Yeeaaah that's the ticket.
Thanks so much for your help Glennis. I don't know what I'd do without you and this personal intervention. You really do care about me sometimes even if you continue to go outside in that awful poncho.
12 steps, shmelve steps.
Have a great day.
PS - Is it obvious I really did grow tire of this post 1/2-way through? LAZY TO THE BONE.