Well, it's official. I went to the doctor today and I have bronchitis. So anyone who's seen me sing within the past two days and left with feeling that I am indeed the most amazing performer you've ever seen, you should now find yourself doubly impressed! I had bronchitis!
Doc listened to my lungs. A lot. Got me worried. He kept having me breath in, blow out, breath in, blow out and then say "EEEEEEEE" over and over (hey that's how I sound during sex!) and all I could think was "oh my god. I have lung cancer." Why would I think such a thing. Clearly I'm insane. Haven't we realized that?
After telling me it sounds like I have asthmatic lungs (!!!) he sends me upstairs to blow into this tube to measure the force behind my breath. It's more fun blowing out candles, I tell him, but he insists I blow into a plastic tube. Whatever party pooper. So I do. And it sucks (blows) and it's hard cuz I CAN'T BREATH but the doctor looks at my results and says I don't have asthma. Phew!
How many times can I be sick in one year, you guys!!?! And my boss has no sympathy for me at all. Not an inch, not a smidge even though I'm sitting here hacking up a lung and I look like death.
Whatever!! I've got my z-pack and my musinex and you can eat a bag of snot, creep!! I hope this whole office gets Bronchitis.
Speaking of... my office is having a client appreciation party today and we spent $5,000 on flowers. Last year I got a 3% raise. EAT ME HARD, OFFICE.