There's a constant struggle at work and it's all goin down in brown town. i.e. The Bathroom.
I like to call it the Poop Battle.
It happens, we've all had to do it, and sometimes it's easy. But sometimes it ain't. And I'm not talkin "too much oatmeal," either. There are people who either take crazy dumps at work or make it hard for you to take one and I've given them all names.
This is the woman who wants to poop in solitude so she sits silently in the stall until everyone has left. I often become this woman and when faced with another "waiter" find myself in a TRUE poop battle. Who can wait the longest! I usually lose when my legs start to go numb and it becomes creepy that there are two grown women sitting on toilets at thier place of business waiting to take a dump. So I get up and leave, going upstairs to another bathroom to, hopefully, poop alone.
Noisy Neillies are usually of the older variety. No shame, no worries, whatevs, poop it up. They head in the bathroom and no matter who is in there, and who they have to face after they come out of the stall, they take a crap and let it fly. And it's LOUD. Squirting, tooting, squeaking, dumping, plopping, STRAINING, GRUNTING. It's a regular symphony! I sincerelly hope I never become a Noisy Nelly but I have a sneaking suspission I will.
These are the people who just can't wait to poop alone and so, to avoid becoming a "Noisy Nelly" procede to flush every time they let one loose. It's not fooling anyone, but I don't think they care.
I'm pretty sure there are people who have such juicy poop that it sounds like they are peeing. That is pretty disgusting but, come on, we're being frank today. We're being FRANK!!
Hummer Magee's find so much pleasure in dropping one off at work they whistle or hum throughout. One woman in my office hums "Everything's Coming Up Roses" every time she poohs. I think it's really funny because if she were pooping into the dirt everything WOULD be coming up roses!!
Stankertons have the stinkiest poops ever. That's it. They just stiiiiiink. Oh and sometimes Stankertons light matches which is nice but almost makes it that much funnier. Why is pooping so funny, people!
Deer Johns are people who have rapid gun-fire poops that sound like they are pooping deer pellets. This, I also find really funny.
Ok, I think that's it. I'm sure you all have more, so feel free to post them!