Glennis' Anatomy, episode #5

Glennis' Anatomy
Episode #5
"Don't Fear the Cheap-er"

Exterior shot: Glennis' office building (Theme music!)


Interior Shot, Glennis sits at her desk nevously composing an email.


Glennis
(Interior Monologue)
Distinguished Ladies & Gentleman...

(delete delete delete delete)

Hey everyone! What's up!

(delete delete delete delete)

Dear everyone in the law firm,

(oh jesus delete delete delete)

Wassup my bitches!!!

(thinks about it)

(keeps thinking)

(DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE)

(worries about keystroke tracking abilities)

Glennis (continued...)
(out loud)
Subject? (types) MY MARATHON

Yes, the rumors are true.
I, the very un-athletic Glennis, am running a marathon.
I SAID A MARATHON. Wow!

(Humor? Am I sure I want to try and be funny? Do lawyers get jokes?? Oh just do it! It's for a good cause!)

In October, 2006 no less! Just 4 short months away.

I'm running the Nike Women's San Francisco marathon as part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training and raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. A good friend of mine, Brys, had Leukemia as a child. He thankfully beat it, but I remember how hard it was for him and his family. I would love to help completely wipe out the pain and suffering associated with these diseases!

I'm writing today for your support in the form of a donation. Any little amount would be great. Most of my friends have donated $5-10 but because so many of them did, I've already raised $2,400 in on & off-line donations!! In order to participate in the marathon I need to raise at least $3,900 but I'm setting my goal at $5,000. Why not reach for the stars?

If you would like to make a completely tax deductible donation you can go to my personal web page here: http://www.active.com/donate/tntnyc/GlennistheMenace and make a secure credit card donation... that is COMPLETELY TAX DEDUCTIBLE. [deductible! ductbile! uctible! ible... is there an echo in here?].

Or, you can stop by my desk (right outside [name removed to protect the innocent]'s office) with a check made out to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and I will send it to the good people at the L&L Society.

As I said, any little amount truly does help.

And if you'd like to know more about this crazy endeavor, I'd love to talk about it. I'll be sure to pass around pictures of me finishing the race in October. (Also, if any of you out there have run a marathon in the past I'd love some advice. Team in Training is wonderful about training us for what's ahead, but you might have additional pointers that could make a big difference).

Thank you so much for your support!!

Glennis
(extension removed for PROTECTION)

Glennis (continued...)
(Yeah. OK. That was good. Now I just have to press send. OK. Awesome. Just have to press send. Why am I so nervous?! They are all just normal people, and of course Cancer is important to them. Just press send. Do it! Do it! Gitterdone! Stop it. You know I hate when you say that.)

Cut to: Glennis' cursor as she presses "SEND."

Glennis breathes a sigh of relief. She sits back in her chair.

Glennis
Awesome! Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for the donations to pour in!


(sitting sitting sitting. waiting. sitting. waiting.)

Glennis
I should check my email! Must have at least a few by now! It's already been an hour! (Glennis checks her email) Hmmm... nothing. Oh well... it's early. Maybe people are just figuring out how much money they can give to fight cancer! Boo cancer! Yay rich lawyers donating $$ to cancer!!


(sitting. singing along quietly to "Work It" by Missy Elliott which just came on the internet radio. sitting. waiting. sitting. checking clock.)

Glennis
Wow, ok. It's been 3 hours. I bet I've gotten a few now. (Glennis checks her email) $5! All right! I mean, it's just $5... but still... that's pretty good! Right on. Oooh...another one. $100! Wow! That's awesome! $100!! AWESOME!! Man this is gonna be so cool... I bet I reach my fundraising goals today!

Cut to: Glennis' cubicle door.

Super-nice Secretary
Hi Glennis! I wish I could give you more but this is all I can spare right now. (She hands Glennis $10)


Glennis
Are you kidding me? This is awesome! Thank you so very much!!


Awesome Secretary
No Thank you! You are the awesome one, Glennis!! A whole marathon! You're gonna get SO many donations from the office today. Exciting!


Glennis
Thanks so much, I really think so too. It's such a great cause. Have a great day and thanks for the donation!

Cut to: Glennis logging the donation, tucking it safely away and writing the super awesome secretary a thank-you card.

(sitting some more. some more waiting. more. more. even more.)

Glennis
Wow, it's 3:00. No one else has responded!

No... that can't be! My email must be broken. I'll call I.T.!

Cut to: Glennis picking up and dialing.

Glennis
Hello I.T.! I was just wondering if the email problem has been fixed?
(pause)
Oh, there is no email problem? Everything's coming through? Oh well. OK. Thanks.
(hangs up)


Glennis
Well that's ok. At least I got $115! That's $115 I didn't have this morning. Beat it, cancer!
(Glennis does a karate chop high kick)


Cut to: Glennis' Boss standing in the doorway.

Retardo Bosso
Glennis! Come in here for a second. I need to "talk to you."


Glennis
(inner monologue)
Oh shit. What did I do? Crap... did I forget something? He sounds like he's in an ok mood. Did he find my BLOG!?! Oh shit... what did I write about him! OH GOD I knew that was a bad...


Bossy-face
Glennis, I got a call from the Manager of the firm. You can't help cure cancer.


Glennis
I'm sorry?

Blah-ss
You can't send out personal emails soliciting donations for YOURSELF. Come on, champ! You know that! (chomp, chew, chew)


Glennis
Please don't call me champ. Ok, I wasn't really aware. Sorry about that.

Buttface
No problem!! Now go get me lunch.


Glennis
But you're already eating.

Barfss
Glennniiiiiissss!


Glennis
Fine.

Glennis walks back to her desk looking forlorn. She sits down and checks her email again. Nothing.

Glennis
(Interior Monologue)
What a bummer day! I really thought I'd get some more donations! Sorry cancer, you win this time. But we'll meet again! Oh yes we will! And when we do!!...

Weird Attorney
Glennis?


Glennis
Oh you startled me!!

Really weird, Birkenstock wearing Attorney
Oh because I snuck up on you?


Glennis
Ummm... yeah... that's it. Anyway, what's up?

Hippie dippie Attorney
I'd like to make a donation to your marathon.


Glennis
No way, awesome! Thank you!

Cut to: The Attorney holding out a $20 bill.

Glennis
Wow! Thanks so much. That's really so nice of you!

Attorney
No problem. Um...Can I get $10 back, maaan?


THE END

(NO... SERIOUSLY.)