The Importance of Posting Things

Some things for your consideration:

#1: I found a new commercial I love/hate. I can't decide if it's the worst commercial of all time, or the best. It's for a product called, "Head On." The entire commercial goes like this: "Head On! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Head On! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Head On! Apply Directly to the Forehead!" Brilliant or Re-todded?



#2: STILL NO ELLEN REJECTION LETTER!

#3: Just in case you are confused, here's a graph my co-worker made to clarify the sign-in/out times on our system. I hope this doesn't confuse you.


#4: This video is PERFECT. Just watch the beginning minute or so. It's just TOO GOOD.


#5: I have battle wounds from running! This is from my sports bra. I also have a purple pinkie toe. Oww. And I ran 10 miles on Sunday. Woo hoo!!


#6: I need your help! Please vote on your favorite design from below. Just reply in my comments with your favorite letter that corresponds to the picture you'd most likely wear as a t-shirt. Thank you loves!

A. Lawnmower


B. Robot


C. Roger Rabbit


D. Can Opener


E. Shopping Cart


F. Sprinkler


G. Worm


H. Humpty Dumpty


I. Moon Walk


J. Running Man


Have a great day!!

Glennis

Possibly? Maybe? Perhaps?

So today (I start a lot of sentences in, "So.")... So anyway... today I got a message from another girl, Anne, who also submitted a tape to Ellen and she had this to say:

"Hey! I am the "Anne" who posted a message about your Ellen video on your blog. So [Anne starts her sentences in, "So" too] I just wanted to let you know that I got my "Unfortunately..." letter from Ellen yesterday. So I'm hoping you did NOT get that letter and that you're still in the mix. Through my nerdy google searches for audition videos, I have found about 6 or 7 that are not posted on the Ellen website, and I'm not kidding when I say yours is the best I've seen so far. So I really wish you the best of luck. Let me know (if you can) if you hear anything - b/c I'm totally rooting for you."

First of all, so SWEET! I watched her video and she's totally adorable and used the SAME SONG I DID (Jacko's "Don't Stop...") so she deserved it just as much as I do.

I checked my mail today and I didn't get a letter. I'm going to check my mail with a PURPOSE from now until I get a letter... or until they call me to tell me I got the job. Fingies crossed, you guys!!!

Very excited. Holding out hope. Also, still holding out for a hero, just in case you're wondering,

Love always,

Glennis

I Heart Commercials, NY

As any young, hip, with-it, twenty-something today, I'd love to give my 2 cents on movies out there; what you should see, what you should skip, what you should see so you can make a point by walking out mid Keanu Reeves monotonelinedeliverymeepmopmoop (I mean, seriously? The Boat House? He's seriously still doing non-science fiction movies that require emotion?!?). But, unlike my savvy 'haiku review' friend, a writer I ain't. At least not by movie reviewing standards. Technically, I am a writer as I write stuff almost every day. Emails, blogs, hate mail to myself. ("Glennis! Pick up the towels after you take a shower you dirty ho!")

But one thing I do know is a good commercial. Or a bad one, at that. So let's talk commercials, people.

A lot of my least favorite commercials are on in the morning while I watch NY1 (speaking of NY1 did you guys see Roger Clark this morning talking about the city wanting to reduce the number of fast food restaurants? Brillz. First he interviews some weird looking bald dude about it, then says, "do you remember the movie 'Mannequin'?" Then he calls himself fat, then Pat tells him to go eat a hamburger. I mean... I can't get enough! Are the NY1 head honchos watching this stuff!!? If so, we love it!)

Anyhooters...

My first least favorite commercial I've already discussed here. The car service with 4 ladies trying their hardest to be "Sex & The City" types. It's literally on every 1/2 hour, every morning, of every day. The saddest part about the commercial, I've come to realize, is that it was almost definitely a non-union gig so the ladies are probably getting zilch. Oh no wait... the saddest part is how it makes me want to stick sharp things up my nose. Is that the saying?

Ok so my next least favorite commercial is by Direct TV. A man working at the call center is on the phone with what we can only assume is a very satisfied customer. The employee says something like, "Yes I got it, I'm opening it now Mr. Henny. Oh. Wow. It's a tv made out of popsicle sticks." He's got this really nasty "I hate you and I hate this TV and I hate life" attitude and when he asks another co-worker what she got (she happily holds up her sweater with a remote control on the front) he then shoo's her off and gets all annoyed. You asked her, bitch! I hate this commercial because the dude is WAY too pissed off. It just doesn't make sense. Are you telling us that if we love Direct TV so much we want to send you a gift you're going to hate us? Well I don't know about you, readers, but I say NO THANK YOU, DIRECT TV!

My next least favorite commercial is one that my boyfriend absolutely LOVES. I'm sure, if you're in NY, you've seen it. It's to help NYers quit smoking and it shows a man taking a shower, then cleaning out his voice box hole in his throat. The voice over is all in that robot, mechanical voice and he's still got his Spanish accent. I hate the commercial because I love it so much. Watching someone clean out their throat hole with a q-tip? Are you kidding me? Heaven on Earth! I wish I was kidding. Honestly, I feel a little dirty that I love it that much.

"Nothing will ever be the same again. Not even the simple things."

A commercial I LOVE is also for some sort of TV service (must not be that good if I can't remember what it's for). A girl is carrying groceries into her house and the man who lives next door says, "My mom has a red car like that." The girl replies, "Really??" all excited. Then the dude goes, "But she doesn't have red hair like you." The girl says, "My mom does." It's real creepy flirty and perfectly done. Then the guy says, "Welcome to the neighborhood." And they go in their houses. Cut to: later that night. The girl is in her room, by her bedroom window and about to take off her bra when she looks out to see what? THE GUY FROM NEXT DOOR ON HIS ROOF WATCHING HER! She screams and closes the curtains and the guy yells, "NO! MY TV WENT OUT! MY TV WENT OUT! My TV went out" as the rain pours down and he clutches the stupid satellite on his roof that caused this whole mess. LOVE. IT. I love when things are a little creepy like that.

A few more things before I go.

You know when you're eating a fruit salad and you save one piece of fruit you really love (like a strawberry, kiwi or pineapple) till the very end so that can be your last bite and you'll have that lingering awesome taste in your mouth? And you eat the whole salad, including the stupid cantaloupe (does anyone even LIKE cantaloupe anymore?? I nominate (the teaches of) peaches as the new cantaloupe!) and you're so excited because your last bite is just sitting there waiting for you to enjoy it. It wants you to eat it! It's ready to be consumed! And so, very gingerly, you take that last piece of fruit on your fork and place it in your mouth. And it tastes like SHIT. Screw you salad!

You win this round... but oh when we meet again!!!

Also, let's discuss this "Fabulash" mascara I keep hearing about. Love the word (FABULASH. FAAAAABULASH. Marcy and I literally said that every other word for a weekend.) but I'm skeptical. Every time I try a new brand of mascara and stray from my good old pink and green, I'm sorry. BUT, Fabulash is fun to say and it does kick my pink and green to the curb, so I thought, "what they hey, I'll give it a try." And boy was I sorry! Fabulash?? More like Crapulash! Pink and Green... will you ever forgive me? Let's make up/out.

So in review:

Glennis' Anatomy, episode #5

Glennis' Anatomy
Episode #5
"Don't Fear the Cheap-er"

Exterior shot: Glennis' office building (Theme music!)


Interior Shot, Glennis sits at her desk nevously composing an email.


Glennis
(Interior Monologue)
Distinguished Ladies & Gentleman...

(delete delete delete delete)

Hey everyone! What's up!

(delete delete delete delete)

Dear everyone in the law firm,

(oh jesus delete delete delete)

Wassup my bitches!!!

(thinks about it)

(keeps thinking)

(DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE)

(worries about keystroke tracking abilities)

Glennis (continued...)
(out loud)
Subject? (types) MY MARATHON

Yes, the rumors are true.
I, the very un-athletic Glennis, am running a marathon.
I SAID A MARATHON. Wow!

(Humor? Am I sure I want to try and be funny? Do lawyers get jokes?? Oh just do it! It's for a good cause!)

In October, 2006 no less! Just 4 short months away.

I'm running the Nike Women's San Francisco marathon as part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training and raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. A good friend of mine, Brys, had Leukemia as a child. He thankfully beat it, but I remember how hard it was for him and his family. I would love to help completely wipe out the pain and suffering associated with these diseases!

I'm writing today for your support in the form of a donation. Any little amount would be great. Most of my friends have donated $5-10 but because so many of them did, I've already raised $2,400 in on & off-line donations!! In order to participate in the marathon I need to raise at least $3,900 but I'm setting my goal at $5,000. Why not reach for the stars?

If you would like to make a completely tax deductible donation you can go to my personal web page here: http://www.active.com/donate/tntnyc/GlennistheMenace and make a secure credit card donation... that is COMPLETELY TAX DEDUCTIBLE. [deductible! ductbile! uctible! ible... is there an echo in here?].

Or, you can stop by my desk (right outside [name removed to protect the innocent]'s office) with a check made out to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and I will send it to the good people at the L&L Society.

As I said, any little amount truly does help.

And if you'd like to know more about this crazy endeavor, I'd love to talk about it. I'll be sure to pass around pictures of me finishing the race in October. (Also, if any of you out there have run a marathon in the past I'd love some advice. Team in Training is wonderful about training us for what's ahead, but you might have additional pointers that could make a big difference).

Thank you so much for your support!!

Glennis
(extension removed for PROTECTION)

Glennis (continued...)
(Yeah. OK. That was good. Now I just have to press send. OK. Awesome. Just have to press send. Why am I so nervous?! They are all just normal people, and of course Cancer is important to them. Just press send. Do it! Do it! Gitterdone! Stop it. You know I hate when you say that.)

Cut to: Glennis' cursor as she presses "SEND."

Glennis breathes a sigh of relief. She sits back in her chair.

Glennis
Awesome! Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for the donations to pour in!


(sitting sitting sitting. waiting. sitting. waiting.)

Glennis
I should check my email! Must have at least a few by now! It's already been an hour! (Glennis checks her email) Hmmm... nothing. Oh well... it's early. Maybe people are just figuring out how much money they can give to fight cancer! Boo cancer! Yay rich lawyers donating $$ to cancer!!


(sitting. singing along quietly to "Work It" by Missy Elliott which just came on the internet radio. sitting. waiting. sitting. checking clock.)

Glennis
Wow, ok. It's been 3 hours. I bet I've gotten a few now. (Glennis checks her email) $5! All right! I mean, it's just $5... but still... that's pretty good! Right on. Oooh...another one. $100! Wow! That's awesome! $100!! AWESOME!! Man this is gonna be so cool... I bet I reach my fundraising goals today!

Cut to: Glennis' cubicle door.

Super-nice Secretary
Hi Glennis! I wish I could give you more but this is all I can spare right now. (She hands Glennis $10)


Glennis
Are you kidding me? This is awesome! Thank you so very much!!


Awesome Secretary
No Thank you! You are the awesome one, Glennis!! A whole marathon! You're gonna get SO many donations from the office today. Exciting!


Glennis
Thanks so much, I really think so too. It's such a great cause. Have a great day and thanks for the donation!

Cut to: Glennis logging the donation, tucking it safely away and writing the super awesome secretary a thank-you card.

(sitting some more. some more waiting. more. more. even more.)

Glennis
Wow, it's 3:00. No one else has responded!

No... that can't be! My email must be broken. I'll call I.T.!

Cut to: Glennis picking up and dialing.

Glennis
Hello I.T.! I was just wondering if the email problem has been fixed?
(pause)
Oh, there is no email problem? Everything's coming through? Oh well. OK. Thanks.
(hangs up)


Glennis
Well that's ok. At least I got $115! That's $115 I didn't have this morning. Beat it, cancer!
(Glennis does a karate chop high kick)


Cut to: Glennis' Boss standing in the doorway.

Retardo Bosso
Glennis! Come in here for a second. I need to "talk to you."


Glennis
(inner monologue)
Oh shit. What did I do? Crap... did I forget something? He sounds like he's in an ok mood. Did he find my BLOG!?! Oh shit... what did I write about him! OH GOD I knew that was a bad...


Bossy-face
Glennis, I got a call from the Manager of the firm. You can't help cure cancer.


Glennis
I'm sorry?

Blah-ss
You can't send out personal emails soliciting donations for YOURSELF. Come on, champ! You know that! (chomp, chew, chew)


Glennis
Please don't call me champ. Ok, I wasn't really aware. Sorry about that.

Buttface
No problem!! Now go get me lunch.


Glennis
But you're already eating.

Barfss
Glennniiiiiissss!


Glennis
Fine.

Glennis walks back to her desk looking forlorn. She sits down and checks her email again. Nothing.

Glennis
(Interior Monologue)
What a bummer day! I really thought I'd get some more donations! Sorry cancer, you win this time. But we'll meet again! Oh yes we will! And when we do!!...

Weird Attorney
Glennis?


Glennis
Oh you startled me!!

Really weird, Birkenstock wearing Attorney
Oh because I snuck up on you?


Glennis
Ummm... yeah... that's it. Anyway, what's up?

Hippie dippie Attorney
I'd like to make a donation to your marathon.


Glennis
No way, awesome! Thank you!

Cut to: The Attorney holding out a $20 bill.

Glennis
Wow! Thanks so much. That's really so nice of you!

Attorney
No problem. Um...Can I get $10 back, maaan?


THE END

(NO... SERIOUSLY.)

I Dream of Dancing

So last night was awesome.

#1 my man was back from LA and I always get so excited to see him again. Even though he was only gone for 3 days this time. And even if he's only gone for 1-2 days, it takes me a little while to "get used" to him again. It's not like I'm being rude and punishing him for leaving, I swear. I just look at him and go "who ARE YOU" for a second and get kinda silly and shy. Then I'm done and return to regular programming. i.e. kicking ass and kissing him in public!

#2

Got to see Radiohead at MSG. I love Radiohead so much and their concerts are always kick ass!! But this time it was a little less "!!" cuz they kept playing new songs. Normally I'm all for that, love to hear the new stuff, but I think it was too much new stuff. Like my H put it, "they lost momentum." I agree. But it did lead me to my #3...

#3
While watching Radiohead last night and dancing (in one spot very subtly) and hearing this amazing music and the lights and all the people grooving together I realized that I need to get a real, permanent space for Dance Dance Party Party. Now I know what you're saying, that's crazy. But you are a Nay Sayer! Yes you are! Because it can be done. I'm saving my beans. I want a space that's like a club but for working out so there are dressing rooms to change in. And I want an AWESOME sound system and lights. And Liz Black will decorate it like a 70s rec room. And it will be AMAZING. So if anyone has any leads on commercial space that fit the bill, please please let me know.

Oh and that leads me to #4 (not about last night either but it's on this list I'm making): I designed some DDPP t-shirts. They are very rough ideas, but again the amazingly talented Liz Black helped me with the idea and I think it's amazing! I've yet to get it approved by my DDPP co-hort, but I just can't contain my love for them anymore. I must post them!! Enjoy!!