Thursday, May 17, 2007

My Dirty Secret

I have a dirty, dirty secret guys. It's not a small secret either. Well, it's not really a big secret if you want to be all technical about it. I guess you could call it a medium secret.

And that right there IS the secret.

That's right. I watch Medium on NBC. Not only do I watch this terrible show among terrible shows, I record it. Weekly.

If you look through my DVR scheduled recordings you'll find awesome things like "The Real World" and "My Super Sweet 16" and "Dr. 90210" but nothing is quite as shameful or awesome as Medium. At least the other shows I can explain away by pretending I'm obsessed with drama, spoiled twats or plastic surgery. There is absolutely nothing I can say to redeem myself after someone learns that I watch Medium. In fact, it's paused on my TV right now awaiting my sweet little finger to hit that play button. I need help.

First of all I started watching it because I was all "right on Patricia! you go girl! a woman in her 40s (?) starring in her own show this day in age? You go guuuurl." And Patricia was great in True Romance, right guys? But there's just something that doesn't translate when she acts exactly like she did in the awesome hotel room murder scene (SCREAMING!SOMUCHSCREAMING!) but as a wife and mother of 3. Call me crazy. And yet... I can't stop watching. There is something about Patricia Arquette that makes her a terrible and wonderful actress all at the same time.

But it's not just her acting that makes this show retarded...there was one episode that just about killed me, you guys. I swear to you I sat watching just in awe of how terrible it was. The gist of the scene was that her body had been taken over by a really rich, snobby ghost of a woman who woke up in bed next to her (Patricia's) husband and freaked out and then left and went to her house and blahblahblah. Basically the woman had died and took over Patricia's body. But the hilarious part was that every 3 minutes or so they'd play the song "Just Like a Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae. Do you know which one I'm talking about? Not important. It literally could have been any song because the hilarious part was that they played it over and over and OVER AND OVER throughout the whole show. I mean I know this is not coming across the way I want it to but holy LORD you guys it was hilarious. It'd be like this:

"Did you have a bad dream?"
"Yeah. Someone was murdered."
"I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."
JUST LIKE A STAR BLAHBLAHBLAH, JUST LIKE A STAR BLAHBLAHBLAH

...two minutes later...

"Can you pick the kids up from school?"
"I thought it was your day to do that."
"The District Attorney needs me to stop by his office."
"Ok, then."
JUST LIKE A STAR BLAHBLAHBLAH, JUST LIKE A STAR BLAHBLAHBLAH

Oh god, guys. It was SO SO FUNNY. I could not stop laughing. I started betting with myself on when it would happen. I won a lot of money from me that night.

So there it is. There's my dirty medium secret. I watch MEDIUM. Get over it, you jerks! What, like you don't watch "Thank God You're Here"?

I love you all. Have a great day!

Love,

Glennis

1 comment:

Liz said...

Okay, Parquette is the reason I watched this show for so long. Yeah, Parquette. I guess I could call her Parquet (silent T) like the floor of the old Bohstin Gahdin. Parquet it is. She is inspiring cause shes got funky teeth and some junk in the trunk AND a hot-in-real-life husband so like, you go girl, blah blah - but this show is so hilarious. Agreed. Mad TV happened to spoof it and it killed me. Parquet kept waking up in sweats next to her husband who seems vaguely English to me but I can't really tell, and she was rattled by visions. I think it may have been the Mad TV prosthetic teeth that made the sketch though. Anyway. Yeah. It's no wonder I didn't know you watch Medium, it's a dirty secret we ALL share.