New Site

I've finally grown tired of wrestling with html and hosting sites and have decided to go with the ease of iWeb. Aside from a few glitches here and there it's pretty fun and simple. SO! You can still access my website at www.glennismcmurray.com but if you view it on IE it might look weird (one of the glitches I'm working on) and if you get an error message you might need to clear cookies. Lame, I know.

But it's worth it because it's a brand new look with tons of pictures and a new blog! I'll no longer be posting here.

xoxo

Glennis

This is my dad, Tom.


My poor, sweet daddy has early-onset Alzheimer's. He's only 63.

My dad was the king of cheesy jokes and gave me my sense of humor. His favorite thing to say after a bombed attempt at a joke was, "Hey Glennis? Nice try." My dad cared about the environment and biked everywhere he could in our small town in Colorado. He recycled, had a composte pile and grew his own vegetables. He also grew and smoked a lot of weed and he voted for Nader because he knew in his heart he was the best man for the job. He and my mom got married in a field and a friend of theirs said, "Abracadabra!" My dad might not have always been around but he did the best he could with what he had, and he helped make me who I am today. If my dad could still have a conversation with me we'd have so much to talk about. He'd be so proud of the person I've become and what I've accomplished. But life isn't fair and pretty soon my dad won't know who I am, let alone what a similar person to him I've become: the awesome daughter of an even awesomer man.

I'm taking part in the Alzheimer's walk on Sunday with my sister, Kelsey. If you have a few extra dollars please consider donating it to the Alzhiemer's Assocation by clicking this link.

Thank you.

My Solo Showlo

Hey guys!

This Thursday, the 11th of September, I'll be doing a solo show at UCB. Hope you can make it.

Glennis Does Some Characters and Shit (working title)
9/11/08
7:00pm
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Avenue
Reservations here: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/652
$5.00

I hope no one lines my show with dynamite. Too soon?

xoxo

Glennis

The Dawn of Glennis

I finally got my shit together and did an overnight sleep study (I'm pretty sure my closest compadres and lover - singular - were tired of hearing me say "I'm tired.") last night. And I was. ALL THE TIME. Well, I technically still am but I feel like this is a new day! I took one step closer to becoming normal. No more hazy days!

This is what you look like if you do a sleep study. It's VERY uncomfortable. I get results back in two weeks.


Another thing you should look forward to... My character show at UCB. The 11th of September, 7pm. Stay tuned for more info and a title.

xoxo

Glennis

Revamp!

Hey guys! I totally revamped my website. Enjoy!

www.glennismcmurray.com

xoxo

Glennis

Pandas Tonight

Tonight @ 9:30pm
I Eat Pandas: We Classy
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Ave
$5.00

My eye is almost all better so I'll literally see you there.

xoxo

Glennis

Sound & Vision

Right now. AT THIS VERY MOMENT. AS YOU READ THIS I have blood floating around in my right eye. Moving as I move my eye this way and that. Swirling around as I look up and down and clouding my vision so that everything is seen through a bloody, liquidy milkshake.

How did this happen, you may ask?

By singing, friends.

That's right, dudes. On Wednesday night during an I Eat Pandas show at UCB I sang so hard, rocked out so much, kicked so much ass that my body was like "we've taken enough! we can't take no more!" and so, during the last note of the last song I kicked it up a notch ("squeezing the old buns" as we "pros" call it) and burst a blood vessel in my right eye!

It happened just before the lights went out after the 15-minute musical so I think the burst vessel in my field of vision stood out even more. I walked over to the clock with blood rushing from to my head, trying not to pass out and freaking out because I couldn't move the black line in the middle of my eye. And I couldn't freak out audibly because we still had the 5-minute musical to do. SO. I reset the clock, acted as normal as I could and hoped for the best and, because I have the bestest comedy partner around, I knew we'd be ok. We got through a clunky 5-minute musical where I refused to sing a single note and when we got off stage I immediately started doing a girly freak out to Eliza.

I went to the doc yesterday and they saw the blood floating in there (as it had left the vein and the layer further in and was now closer to the center of my eye). They did a sonogram, looked in my eyes over and over, dilated them, poked them, and at least 5 or 6 docs looked in my eyes with bright lights that made me feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin. They concluded it was from singing and that it would clear up itself within a month. Or more. Who knows, really? All they told me is if the blood doesn't clear up (and they said it moved closer and closer to the front of the eye so does that mean I'll have a beat-red eye for a while? I should have asked that...), that if it doesn't clear up I may need surgery. Gulp.

The point is:

Yes, this is insanely annoying and makes my depth perception terrible.
and
Yes, I have 4 shows next week, two of which will be doubly difficult with a huge wig and heels.
BUT...

This is still the coolest injury I've ever gotten. How hardcore am I?

Love,

Glennis "bloodeye" McMurray

DEAL

Hey world? Guess what? You're gonna have to start dealing with the fact that when I Eat Pandas does something people be gettin' boners up in this bitch.

Best Week Ever lady boner provided by the lovely Sara Schaefer:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/08/01/what-klondike-should-do-for-a-klondike-bar/

Hoootio Hooooooooooo

Love,

Glennis

Rejected

Eliza and I made a video (along with the help of filmmaker/photographer Anya Garrett - www.anyagarrett.com - and super talented actor/comedian Nate Lang) for the Klondike "What Would You Do" competition. The rejection letter, among other things, said that videos are rejected when they "include acts of violence or acts that appear to cause harm."

Enjoy.



Love,

Glennis

The Hat is On

Lately, as I've probably written here half a billion times before, I've been trying on the "NO FEAR" hat. It's hard. It really doesn't fit perfectly yet, but sometimes I can pull it off. Like when I'm wearing leopard pants. Totally matches.

Recently when I was in LA I said to dear Eliza, "Hey! If we go to Disney I'll ride a roller coaster!"

Anyone who knows me well knows those are two of the last things I want to do. A) I hate Disney and B) I am deathly afraid of roller coasters. DEATHLY. Like, I think I will die on them. But I decided that by saying it I would be held responsible to do it (especially since her response was, "YEAH!? HOLY SHIT! OK!") and would therefore have to follow through or be forever deemed a huge pussy. Well, I missed out on Disney but I did indeed ride a baby roller coaster on the Santa Monica Pier. I shouted "oh god! oh god! oh god!" over and over and I thought Eliza was going to piss herself she was laughing so hard. We were both crying and howling with laughter at the end of that ride. Totally scary, totally awesome and totally worth it. (Thanks, E!)

Find me back in NY and my other dear friend, Corrine (who was BORN with the "no fear" hat on!), has convinced me to take a trapeze lesson at Pier 40 (what's with this shit all being on piers!?) by the Hudson river. Again... no idea why, the day after I fly back from LA, I'd want to take a TRAPEZE LESSON but that hat was on my head as soon as my alarm went off. The key is to just pretend like you're going to do something else. I tell my body we're going to eat (because that's my favorite sport) and it's so dumb I never chicken out anymore!

The bottom line is I totally trapezed.

And I have it on tape.

Enjoy! (And thanks to Corrine for the awesome job taping me!!)



Go "No Fear" hats!!!

xoxo

Glennis

The Story of How I Met Roger Daltrey and How Little it Meant To Me At The Time

The story begins in Los Angeles, where most stories begin, unless they begin somewhere else.

I was on vacation with THE EX (bum bum BUUUUM) and we got tickets to see his pal, Eddie, in My Fair Lady at The Hollywood Bowl (whoa what up name dropper). The show starred, you guessed it, The Who's Roger Daltrey as Alfred P. Doolittle. Now at the time... yes, I knew who he was and, like, I totally knew the some of the The Who the songs. "Whooooo are you. Who ooh. Ooh ooh." But fuck if I cared that he was in the show. I said it. Seeing Roger Daltrey on stage meant about as much to me as a puppy watching a man re-grow his hands. And that's fuckin' hard.

I'm getting off track.

Roger Daltrey.

Right.

After the show ended we went back stage and I met THE Roger Daltrey. He said my name. He shook my hand. He was quite charming, quite British and feigned interest in meeting me quite well. And yes he was short. And after we met he drove away in a Mini Cooper.

I went to LA last week and while I was there I DROVE A MINI COOPER, TOO.

I'm just saying, guys. Life is weird.

And I'm an asshole for not being more excited about meeting Roger Daltrey.

Love,

Glennis

Pretty Girl!

Here's to having far too much time on my child-sized hands!



Love,

Glennis

New Video!

NOW WALK IT OUT!!!



Love,

Glennis

Panders

Have you still not seen an I Eat Pandas show? Come see what all the kids are whoopin and hollerin about! Us!

(Well, us and Coke Zero... people are still really excited about that stuff.)

I Eat Pandas in We Classy
Monday, June 16th
9:30pm
UCB Theatre
307 W 26th St @ 8th Ave
$5.00
I shit you not. Only $5.00.

I Eat Pandas - Better than Coke Zero.

xoxo

Love,

Glennis

Holy balls

You guys the creator and EP of Celebrity Rehab (aka the best show ever) just emailed me saying he liked my Shelly the Shark video and that he was going to SHOW IT TO SHELLY. What!? I think his exact words were, "Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your Shelly The Shark impression ... I'm going to show that one to Shelly tomorrow -- it's spot on and totally hilarious."

I'll be in LA in July and I swear to god you guys... meeting her would be amazing. She kicks so much ass.



Love,

Glennis

Close, But No Cigar

I Eat Pandas took off this past weekend to perform in one of our favorite places to date: Charleston, SC. The mix of Southern hospitality, palm trees, adorable stores and The Have Nots! (the improv group who are responsible for our presence there and the entire improv scene in Charleston) is a rare combination and you can mark my words we'll be back! Our shows were all nearly sold out (with the last one completely packed) and we performed with a brand new pianist from Chicago who we'd not only never met before but never played with! Jon Wagner is an all around great guy and great pianist and he really stepped up to the plate for our shows!

So yes, it was a great weekend.

And then today I got a google alert for a review of our show. Now let me just say that I'm open to what people have to say about us. Comedy is totally subjective, improv is not for everyone, musicals may not be your thing... I get it. We've never gotten bad press (most of our frustration comes from people assuming we pre-plan or write the stuff we do) and this review wasn't a negative review of our show by any means. In fact most of it is pretty sweet, if not a bit bizarre.

Until the last line.

I'll skip ahead for you (and then post the entire review below):

"In short, in a world where women are just not smart or funny, Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner manage to come pretty close."

I don't even know where to begin with that comment. When I initially read it I thought it must be a typo, right? There's no way A WOMAN would write something like that, is there? And I honestly still have trouble believing someone would write that without thinking twice. You are a woman writing a review of a comedy show for the Charleston City Paper. That must make you pretty smart, right? If not a genius then at least a competent, capable WOMAN, right? I mean no, we're not talking rocket science here but I'm no scientist and I consider myself pretty smart. Levels, people. And on top of that I have to think you thought your opening line, "Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner may have old lady names, but their musical improv is as young and fresh as it gets." was pretty funny. Otherwise you would have stuck to something bland and ho-hum like "Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner are a two-woman musical improv group." Sure it gets the point across but it doesn't have the humor of old lady names in it! (I honestly do think that's so bizarre it's funny. I'm not being condescending.)

So why, Meaghan Strickland, would you write such a thing?

I've been in these situations countless times. People... WOMEN... have said to my face "it's really great that you're a funny women because women really aren't funny." Blanket statement. Super douchie. And chances are (even though that is clearly not true) you aren't informed enough to say something like that. You haven't seen every female comedian out there. You wouldn't say something so dismissive and disrespectful about another race, would you? So why is this ok?

Oh but she said we "come close" so I guess it's not so bad, right?

Listen, if you are a woman who doesn't think women are funny (or smart?) let me just say this: As a female comedian I can attest to the fact that it's fucking hard to get our voices heard and appreciated the way men can. And most of the time "funny" has nothing to do with it. There are no shows on TV right now where the woman is the zany character who gets to have all the fun and the man plays it straight. That sucks. And honestly I kinda feel like every time a woman says "women aren't funny" I should work that much harder to get a TV show where my husband cleans up after my wild antics and my kids are in a crazy band with a dog named John BONE-ham playing the drums (NBC? Is that you at my door?). And I guess I do. But I also feel like... FUCK! If that's how you STILL FEEL after all the shit going on right now with women in comedy then I don't know what to do. So I just shut up, do my show and hope that will change your mind.

I know. Who cares what one person thinks. Blanket statements about one class, race or gender are never right and I know the truth so who cares, right? And if she had said this to my face you never would have heard about it but the fact that this has gone to print, is online and people are reading it makes me mad.

So, Meaghan, if you are reading this (and I hope you are) that was a shitty thing to write. If it was a typo then, lady, you gotta get someone to proof that shit. Writing on a blog like this I even worry about what I say and I only have like 6 readers including my mom!

But thanks for the kind things you did say, I guess.

Here's the entire review:

Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner may have old lady names, but their musical improv is as young and fresh as it gets.

In January, during the Charleston Comedy Festival, the musical improv duo I Eat Pandas blessed the Holy City with its presence. Pandas proved to be one of the major hits of the fest, performing sold-out shows for super-enthused crowds.

Immediately after performing here, I Eat Pandas took home the 2008 ECNY Award for Best Improv Group. Coincidence? Perhaps not. The pair’s return to the Lowcountry for Piccolo Fringe suggests that Chucktown is their good luck charm, they’ve recognized it, and are back for more. But, perhaps we’re reading too much into things.

For whatever reason, I Eat Pandas has returned, and we should consider ourselves the lucky ones.

I Eat Pandas’ opening show was another in a series of grand slam Charleston performances. The audience laughed and clapped their way through the three made-up-on-the-spot musicals. Considering that much of the audience identified themselves as repeat attendees, such audience affirmation becomes even more significant: it wasn’t just the novelty of musical improv that got the crowd going, but what the ladies were singing and how well they did it.

However, what really makes the performance isn’t the singing, it’s the exchange between the two gals. Despite the years of familiarity, they somehow managed to repeatedly make each other laugh, which is then doubly amusing for the audience. It’s both endearing and endlessly entertaining to watch two performers get a genuine kick out of each other.

Although technically not a part of the improv, and possibly demeaning to the art I Eat Pandas produces, it must be said: Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner are awesome dressers. If you don’t like to laugh or listen to music (read: if you are a huge freak), the women’s wardrobe might be enough to spurn your attendance at the next I Eat Pandas performance. Both comediennes rock sweet sneaks and enviable bling.

It is almost unbelievable watching two people spontaneously compose 50 minutes worth of musical theatre. Watching the two improvers actually eat pandas may be the only more awe-inspiring activity available. In short, in a world where women are just not smart or funny, Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner manage to come pretty close.

Long time...No Me

What I've Been Up To

Hi guys! How's life?

As you can see I've been busy! But I missed you. Don't get it twisted! I certainly did! And I missed blogging - swear! And for a moment I considered changing blogs and killing this one (sorry hunny) because it reminds me of my old job (the same thing that keeps me from eating at those weird salad bar deli things we have in NY - the smell reminds me of "the job") but then I thought NAH. I'm too lazy!

So I'm back! A whole new chapter has opened up and you're on page ONE MOTHAFUCKAH!

And here, for your enjoyment is the most awesome thing I've found since I quit my job (among other awesome things that escape me right now. Also I'm kinda drunk.):

a) do you have a Mac?
b) do you use jabber via ichat?
c) good, then open ichat and go to "preferences"
d) click on "alerts"
e) next to "event:" there is a drop-down menu. Click on "message received."
f) now click on "announce when event occurs" down there at the bottom
g) and last, but not least, have a trusted pal or companion write dirty things to you.

"Pee pee pooh pooh" is my favorite so far. "Vaginay," which is not a word, sounds hilarious and the Steven Hawkings-like voice doesn't seem to notice its absence from the dictionary. I'd like to thank my beautiful friend Brandon Snider for "pee pee" and "pooh poohing" for about 10 solid minutes while I laughed like a lunatic and called out to my roommate to listen. Best part was when we sort of forgot that this was happening and she started telling me something semi-serious (as opposed to laughing like assholes) and then we heard the voice say "Brandon Snider says - Fart."

Just, I mean... can you please... just please...try your best to make this happen, people. IT'S AWESOME.

And I am 5.

xoxo

I love you all.

All 4 of you who still read this.

Love,

Glennis

But What Am I?

I hemmed and hawed about what to send as my "farewell" email today at work and decided on this (with the above as my subject line):

Today is my last day in the firm.

Just like Pee Wee Herman in his Big Adventure...

I'm off to find my bike.

PEACE

-glennis

I hope you all find your bikes, too.

Love,

Glennis

New Slang - '08 Edition

I just coined a few new phrases and I'm sharing them with you!

Prrrthetic: When you do something really pathetic but it ends up making you look adorable. Example: I learned the lyrics to a bootie-blasting rap song that we play before I Eat Pandas so I could look awesome. Do I? Indeed I do. Prrrrr. (thetic) Also, I want to be on a TV show but not because I want to be famous but because everyone on TV shows have iPhones. And I want an iPhone. Pretty prrrrthetic!

Be-bong: "Beyond" for stoners. Dude... that last piece of pizza was BE-BONG good.

Out-RegisandKathyLee: When something is so outrageous it's OUTREGISANDKATHYLEE. Am I old? I am right? Cuz I didn't say OUTREGISANDKELLY. (Matty helped me coin that one. I give props where props is due!)

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Oh and if you want more mind bending comedy like that come to my show tonight! In 1.5 hours! It will be be-bong good!

I EAT PANDAS in: WE CLASSY (same show, different name)
Tonight at 9:30pm
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Avenue
$5.00

xoxo

Glennis

I've Got a Lot of Living To Do

Dear Office,

Wow.

I don't know how to say this.

We've been together for so long! You are a part of me! You're where I come to get some serious TCB done! It's going to be so hard to leave you... and yet. I must.

Hey, Office... Remember the time I stepped away from my desk to make a few copies and came back to 1-2-3-4 (Sumpin' New) by Coolio blasting on my iPod? Ha! Classic Glennis. (And don't mess, I saw you dancing to it when I got back to my desk, Office!)

And remember the time I made coffee and forgot to put the pot underneath!? Who does that!!? You were right there for me, letting that scalding hot coffee pour over you. Never once yelling at me or making me feel incompetent.

You kept me warm in the winter and insanely cold in the summer.

You never trapped me in your elevator where I would have definitely gone into labor because wouldn't that just be the time?! Hey, thanks for that, Office.

You'd often leave free food out in conference rooms for me when you knew I was having a tough time with money!

You've taken care of me for 7 years! But now it's time for me to break away and take care of myself. I'll be "TCM" right, Office? ...right?

And so, dear Office, to quote one of our favorite singers,

I...



Love,

Glennis