Glennis: The Meal

Every night, as I sleep, I am feasted upon. It's as if my apartment was a restaurant, my bed the plate and me the main course. All you can eat until dawn! (There's a very real possibility that I am feasted upon 2nd, Matt first, which would make me the dessert which, if we're being totally honest, is a little more accurate.)

I mean, I really can't blame the bed bugs for feasting on me. I am pretty delicious. Not that I'd know! But hey, who hasn't accidentally swallowed some of their own blood? From picking on a scab. On their knee. Don't judge me!!

Um...

Like I was saying - I really can't blame the bed bugs for feasting on me. And in some ways I'm very appreciative of the way they operate. For one thing, they wait until I'm fast asleep to feast which is very considerate! That way I don't have to know what's going on or feel the sting of the tiny creatures sucking the very life from my body. It's really very considerate. And I also have to give them props for not attacking my money maker! No, not my butt, pervs... my face. (Although sometimes my butt says stuff of higher quality than my face. I digress.) Not once have I had a bite on the kisser. So, really, I have to thank them for that as well.

I am, however, a little tired of the bites. I'm pretty allergic to them. And, though I appreciate the avoidance of my face, the bites on my feet - toes specifically - are pretty uncomfortable. As I type I have two on my toes, one on the top of my foot and one on the arch and another on my calf. Not very fun when wearing shoes, dear bedbugs!!

Now listen: I truly don't mind being a feast for any of god's creatures. If they didn't multiply so damn quickly and cause itchy, red welts I can't think of a reason I'd mind! As I said - I am pretty tasty. But, dammit, I am allergic and they do multiply and it's about time these fuckers were eradicated! And so we have a 2nd round of extermination coming in on Thursday to soak our pad with chemicals which give me a sore throat and a cough. That's gotta be healthy, right?

Now here's a very real fear that I must share with you. Bedbug ghosts. Do they exist? Will they haunt me for wiping out their family, who was probably brought into our home by us or someone we know and love? Will they carry teeny-tiny bedbug chains to haunt my attic (my hair)? Or will they try to learn to pick up a penny and then show up at my pottery wheel to make a vase with me? Are they going to hire a sassy black woman who speaks to the dead to come to my house and tell me, "ditto"? Does everyone get the movie I'm trying really hard to reference?!? No matter how cool a story it would make (which I'd tell if The Moth ever had a "Bedbug Haunting" themed night) I do not want.

Booooooodbug!

But we're getting off the subject now. The point of this diatribe is that A) I am delicious, B) I need to stop picking my scabs and C) I am praying to whatever is out there that these bedbugs are wiped out. I feel bad, but hey. I canna take no more!

AH! AH HA! As I type this Matt found a bedbug on our curtain! Getting bolder are we, fuckers? Coming out in the daylight!? I SEE HOW IT IS.

Oh it is SO ON, you little bastards! This is war! I don't know what that means because there's not much more I can do aside from sleeping in a full berka but, hey, if that's what it takes to deprive you of your tasty Glennis platter then SO BE IT! Access: denied!

(Seriously, bedbugs suck so hard. Don't come over to my house. Or hug me. I will give you bedbugs. I'm disgusted with myself.)

Don't let the bedbugs bite! HAR HAR HAR.

Love,

Glennis

Wedding Weekend Recap!

This past weekend my little sister, Kelsey, got married, you guys! Normally, I can't even finish that sentence before someone says, "you're next!" which is why I'm glad I'm writing this on my blog. No interruptions. Let's focus on the task at hand, people. One marriage at a time, thank you!

This wedding was, if I do say so myself, the best wedding I've ever been to. And it wasn't just because I was maid-of-honor, though that really did add to the overall awesomeness of the wedding. (I'm also available for hire even if I don't know you. I smell a movie plot!)

Leading up to the wedding, Kelsey and I had many a discussion about how dad might do. How long he'd last, if he'd get overwhelmed by the noises and people and general atmosphere. We planned on doing the father/daughter dance early in the evening and had our Aunt on stand-by to take him home when he seemed like he'd had enough. We also had a nurse with us from the home just in case he panicked or needed any sort of extra attention. We didn't at all expect him to be the life of the party!

Alzheimer's is a strange disease. Sometimes you forget that he's still in there and can understand a lot more than you think he can, especially in my dad's case, and that it might be a bunch of factors, in addition to the Alzheimer's, that are adding to his quiet nature. I think more than anything my dad remembers who he used to be, how smart and talented he was, and he hates that he isn't still able to communicate the way he wants to. It's hard to keep him in the present and help him to forget the embarrassment that goes along with the disease, but when you can accomplish that, let me tell you - it's amazing.

Dad knew exactly what was going on that day. The way he looked at Kelsey... it was beautiful. So much pride and joy and complete awe that this beautiful bride was his daughter. Walking down the aisle - yeesh. That was rough keeping it together. Dad was crying, I was tear-streaked (yay for pictures!) and Kelsey was just begging him to keep it together. It was pretty amazing. But there was still the reception which was 2 hours away. We had no idea how he'd respond to that.

Dad was absolutely and totally amazing. He was in the center of the dance floor dancing up a STORM! And I know it wasn't just me who felt how special that was. Often times, when I visit him in the home, he seems to be disappearing into himself. He's afraid to speak and, when he does, it's very stilted and frustrated. On that dance floor he was a different person. He was having the time of his LIFE. Even when modern, loud, bass-ey dance music would start up he just kept on dancing his little heart out. Clapping along, connecting with everyone, not a care in the world.

At one point Matt went up to him on the floor and told him how good he looked in his suit and he responded without losing a beat, "they forced me in this thing!" I came over a little later and said, "hey who's this guy dancing up a storm!? I don't even know you!" and he responded, "then get out of here!" It's the same old playful ribbing we used to engage in before he got sick. It was fabulous.

At the end of the night they had to drag him off that dance floor. He could have danced all night. He was amazing and I will never underestimate him again!!

Kelsey and Frank had a fabulous night as well, not a stitch was out of place. The whole day ran as smoothly as we could have hoped for. It was a gathering of family that have their differences, but for one night understood how important it was to recognize the love we have for each other. I don't think the night would have been nearly as special if dad hadn't been there.

Love,

Glennis

Doc Drama

My favorite genre of film, far and above any other, is a good, juicy documentary. I've also heard it said that the documentary is among the most manipulative of films and I am ripe for manipulation (when it comes to documentaries). In the past few days I've realized what an evil corporation Wal-Mart is (something I peripherally knew but not to what extent), how hard it was to star in Annie on Broadway in the 70's, how terrible some pig slaughterhouse practices are and just how much genetically altered corn is in our food. I don't care if it is manipulative - this shit makes you think!

After watching "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices" I vowed never to shop at Wal-Mart again. That's fairly easy since we don't have a WM in NY, but it also made me realize how important it is to go to Mom & Pop stores instead of big chains. Sorry, Poppa John's. You'll have to let some other attractive comedian stuff you in her face when she gets emotional.

And speaking of pizza... "King Corn," the documentary about how prevalent modified corn has become in our food system made me never want to eat high fructose corn syrup again. Especially since there are reports it contains mercury. What? Mercury!? But wait, what does Mercury do to our bodies? HOLY SHIT. No thank you! Did you know that corn-fed cattle is being poisoned by eating a steady diet of nothing but genetically-altered corn? And then we're eating that meat? Not any more, brother. Not if I can help it - and I can. (This also reminds me to mention the part of the movie where they have genetically-altered corn so that the new pesticide they've created to kill the weeds in the crops doesn't affect the corn. The weeds? Hemp. Guess what guys - we can use hemp for a lot of things that don't include smoking it. You're killing the wrong plants!)

This reminds me of another documentary I watched about a bunch of people living in the mountains of America who sit around feeding their kids Mountain Dew. Ironic. And terrible. Poor dumb little mountain folk rotting their teeth and brains with soda full of sugars and mercury. Mmmm. Mercury. No more soda for this girl!

Then I took in the amazing doc, "Life After Tomorrow" which pretty much just confirmed what I already knew - my future children will never be child stars. Nope. No thanks. The doc interviewed a bunch of the kids who starred in the touring company and Broadway production of Annie in the 70s. They had fame, and I'm talking eating-dinner-with-Muhamed-Ali-singing-for-the-President fame. And 20 years later what are they left with? One big chip on their shoulders. Sad but also amazing and totally re-watchable.

I tried to watch a documentary on the cruelty toward pigs before they are slaughtered and I couldn't even get through 13 minutes. I believe it was called "Death on a Factory Farm" so I really shouldn't have been surprised. I still shudder when I think about the things I saw in those 13 minutes. Poor little piglet! No more bacon for this girl!

The list of things I can eat is slowly shrinking and I think that's probably the best thing I've done in years. I was a fast food, diet soda, candy junkie. So my new diet is called "Eat With Your Brain Not Your Stomach, McMurray!" I'm sure it will change a few things including my skin and my body - so far I feel good and it's only been a day. Boom!

So I guess the next documentary I need to watch should answer the question my boyfriend brings up a lot. If the flouride in our drinking water is for our teeth then why are we swallowing it? I need to research this a little more but if anyone has seen a doc which deals with this let me know.

Oh and I'll just add one caveat to the aforementioned diet - the one thing I will not be giving up is coffee. And that's that. Athankyew.

Have a great day!!

xoxo

Glennis

Birthday Asshole

This past weekend I had the most amazing birthday party. It more than made up for the skating incident. I got plenty snockered and was surrounded by people I loved and, because I love my girl Britney Spears I get a little animated when her songs come on. And now, thanks to the fabulous Jay Bois, I have proof.

And so I give to you, dear Glesbian, The Birthday Dance. (aka - Glennis is an Asshole)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDe-XBJAL_A

Love,

Glennis

Skating Racists

My socks, they were striped.

And I had a frog balloon.

Then - skating racists.

I was in LA for an I Eat Pandas show last week.  It was also the week leading up to my birthday and, because I have a bunch of LA pals who couldn't be in NY for my party, I decided to have a roller skating birthday party - West Coast Style!  After a quick internet search, Eliza found World on Wheels on Venice Blvd. in LA and it was a GO.

My experience with roller skating is extensive and yet I haven't skated in years.  I used to be a pro.  And by pro I mean I had roller skating birthday parties in Farmington, NM as a kid.  I was actually really good!  I even beat the shortest boy in our class at a roller limbo contest.  And he was really short.  I haven't skated in years but I now own my own pair of pristine white skates with bubble gum pink wheels.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was really excited to skate.

Now here's how it went down, people.  We arrived promptly at 8pm, got our skates, Luci and Michael gave me a googlie-eyed frog balloon and we hit the rink.  The rink was down a short ramp, so the area where you got your skates and played air hockey was raised above it.  Those not brave enough to don the skates stood up there and watched.  But not us.  Not me and my awesome friends.  We don't watch the skate, we participate.

At first everyone was really helpful and awesome.  There was a chick in a pink sweatband and pig tails who was helping Sara Jo her first time around the rink.  And then I noticed two things - A) aside from my group of friends everyone on the rink was a great-to-excellent skater and B) a majority of the crowd was middle aged and black.  I noticed it and then thought about how skating was probably pretty big in the 70s and that's why everyone was so good.  I wanted to be that good again and so I started pushing myself to get better.  I mean, this was a birthday party and my friends were mostly hanging in the middle talking, but when I get something stuck in my mind I get kind of crazy about it.  So I pushed myself to go faster and, aside from a few little brushes with other speeding skaters, I was doing pretty well.

At one point I was skating on the outer lane and one of the really good skaters came over to me and told me that I was the fast lane and that I should skate closer to the island in the middle where people took breaks.  I moved closer to the middle, but I vowed to work my way up to at least skating as well as the people in the outer lane.

Eventually the lights turned down, the disco ball lit up and it was pure disco heaven.  I built my confidence level with each lap and eventually forgot I had been at all uneasy on skates.  It was awesome!  Around and around I rolled.  Humming along to the music and really just happy as could be.  One lap around I noticed Luci standing up near the air hockey table and where I'd tied my frog balloon.  I caught her eye and waved.  She waved back and just as I passed her I felt two hands on my back and I went down.  Hard.  I immediately looked behind me to find out who had fallen - assuming someone had grabbed me on their way down - but there was no one there.  I looked up at Luci and she was just turning her head toward me so I realized she hadn't seen anything.  I stood up against the wall and tried to regain my composure but I was starting to realize that I had been pushed and I was really shaken.  A woman skated up to me and said, "You need to get off the rink.  You need to get out of this lane" and then skated away.  I rolled over to the island and sat down - trying not to cry.  Eliza skated over and said that a woman had come up behind me and pushed me down.  I was shocked.  She pointed her out to me and the woman was probably about 50 years old and I had never seen nor made contact with her before that point in the night.  Unbelievable.

After realizing what had happened we decided to make our way off the rink since it was pretty clear we weren't wanted.  At this point the skaters had doubled and getting off the rink was an accident waiting to happen.  And what an accident it was.  My dear friend Claire, as she was carefully trying to make her way off the floor, was smashed into at full speed by a man skating backward.  Claire hit the floor, broke her elbow and needs surgery to fix it.  I know, right!?  WHAT THE FUCK.  Two guys helped her up but were grabbing her arm as she cried out in pain that she thought it was broken.  By the time she was off the floor she was in tears and couldn't feel her fingers.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Claire is a tough cookie.  I Skyped with her today and she looks great.  She's going to try and get the rink to cover her medical bills with liability insurance (she doesn't have health insurance), but if they don't (and if we can't sue the crap out of them) Eliza suggested a fundraiser to help raise money for her bills and I couldn't agree more.  Poor Claire!

For the rest of the night and the rest of the next day I could not help but think about that woman who pushed me.  It reminded me of the 3 girls who tormented me my Sophomore year of high school.  Just because they had heard a rumor and believed it.  I just don't understand something like that.  I'm angry/sad/insecure and I'm gonna take it out on you.  Maybe the roller incident wasn't a hate crime in the racial sense, but it sure felt like one.  You don't push a stranger down from behind if you've got love in your heart.  I'm pretty sure of that.  And I know that her comeuppance will be her own guilt eating away day after day until she dies, sad and alone surrounded by bags of her own feces, but it's hard to be ok with that.  I'm so fucking sick of assholes raining on your parade because you're happy.  Why does it matter to you if I'm a happy person?  Why?  I'll tell you why - because you're not.  Why don't you deal with that and leave the rest of us alone.

We all have a choice about how we act, feel or respond in any given situation no matter what we have had happen to us or are currently going through.

Just be nice to each other.  OK?

Love,

Glennis!

Taking Over The Net

Hey all you Glesbians!

Thought there was enough Glennis to last a lifetime on the old web? Well you were wrong! We were able to stuff a few more tasty morsels in there and still have room for all that sheep porn you so love and need.

First up...

Check out the documentary that was done on I Eat Pandas. If you know me, and I think you do, I am a huge fan of documentaries. I live for the moment a new doc appears on iTunes or Showtimes/HBO On Demand. (Well, that and a perfectly cooked french fry.) True, ours is only about 4-minutes long, but a documentary it is, still! I was unsure of how it would turn out and, even though they showcased a lot of Eliza at her stupid day job (that has little to do with our creative process), I think it turned out pretty spectacularly.

Second...

I Eat Pandas' promos for The Tudors on Showtime are live! If I haven't written about this before, we were hired to write and star in promos for their steamy hit show. The first two seasons are up and we'll have a new one for each episode of Season 3. Woo hoo! www.poptudors.com

In other Glennis news - I just returned from Rhode Island where we helped welcome our new nephew James Michael McCarthy into the world! He is, if I do say so myself, the most perfect little baby I've ever seen in my life. It was especially exciting for me because I really feel like I'm a part of the McCarthy family so it was sort of like the first baby in my family, too. I just couldn't stop staring at his perfect little face. Good job, guys!

And in not so good news - we have bed bugs. Yep. That's what nights performing in dingy clubs throughout NY will do to you. I thought the bites I was getting were spider bites, but after reading more into it I had to accept the truth. Bed bugs again. I had them about 4 or 5 years ago and they were easy enough to get rid of. I'm hoping we caught them early enough that, with some consistency, we'll be able to eradicate them in our household for good!

If all else fails we'll just move. But seriously, we're looking to buy a place. If anyone has leads on a hot piece of ass, let me know.

Hope you're having a wonderful week, dear readers. Stay bed bug-free, please.

xoxo

Glennis

Stress Buster

If you look up "stress" in the dictionary there is probably a picture of me beside it. I am a tightly-wound, nail-biting, teeth-gnashing, shoulder-scrunching ball of stress. I've had shingles (adult chicken pox - very painful! Very rare in people my age.) and burst a blood vessel in my eye while singing on stage (and kept performing! you know this. you read my blog.).

Tomorrow I'm driving to Ohio with my sister and our friend a RN, Corrine, to pick up my 64-year-old father with Alzheimer's to bring him to a nursing home in Long Island.

You can imagine my level of stress today!! It's not just the drive or the fact that my father is now incontinent (thank god for Corrine!), it's that I haven't seen him in a while and my real fear/stress is that he won't remember me.

And so I'm trying to think of and do things that relieve that stress so it doesn't build up and cause my legs to be sucked up into my butthole. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. Drinking contest
2. Eating contest
3. Judging a contest for baby ducks, kittens or turtles (wearing clothes!)
4. Sit next to a fat, sleeping man on the train - zone out to the sounds of his heavy breathing
5. Call my old landlord to tell her what a cunt she is
6. Laugh (at the less fortunate)
7. Remodel my kitchen using a sledgehammer and chainsaw
8. Getting high contest
9. Get hit by a bus, go into coma, wake up rested
10. Punch a hole in something (I'm looking at you, door)

In reality I'll probably just curl up and watch the DVD of Pinnochio my sweetie just brought home for me.

Wish (upon a star) me luck tomorrow. I'll be letting the GPS be my guide to a stress-free trip.

Love,

Glennis

L.A. Girls

My ladies - I just bought L.A. Girl Flare nail polish in neon pink for $5 from Urban Outfitters and it dries in about 30-seconds. It doesn't LAST that long, unfortunately, but when the touch-ups take less than a minute, who cares!

And speaking of LA Girls... I Eat Pandas is heading back to LA for more madcap fun Arpil 6-10! We have a show at Comedy Central Stages on April 7th at 8pm. And the best part - the show is free!! Good lookin' out, Pandas.

Photo by Anya Garrett

And that's all for now.

Love,

Glennis

I Lied

I couldn't even make it a year before I came running back to you, half-naked, wild eyed eating chicken, dear blog! I missed you. Let's never break up again.

Love,

Glennis

New Site

I've finally grown tired of wrestling with html and hosting sites and have decided to go with the ease of iWeb. Aside from a few glitches here and there it's pretty fun and simple. SO! You can still access my website at www.glennismcmurray.com but if you view it on IE it might look weird (one of the glitches I'm working on) and if you get an error message you might need to clear cookies. Lame, I know.

But it's worth it because it's a brand new look with tons of pictures and a new blog! I'll no longer be posting here.

xoxo

Glennis

This is my dad, Tom.


My poor, sweet daddy has early-onset Alzheimer's. He's only 63.

My dad was the king of cheesy jokes and gave me my sense of humor. His favorite thing to say after a bombed attempt at a joke was, "Hey Glennis? Nice try." My dad cared about the environment and biked everywhere he could in our small town in Colorado. He recycled, had a composte pile and grew his own vegetables. He also grew and smoked a lot of weed and he voted for Nader because he knew in his heart he was the best man for the job. He and my mom got married in a field and a friend of theirs said, "Abracadabra!" My dad might not have always been around but he did the best he could with what he had, and he helped make me who I am today. If my dad could still have a conversation with me we'd have so much to talk about. He'd be so proud of the person I've become and what I've accomplished. But life isn't fair and pretty soon my dad won't know who I am, let alone what a similar person to him I've become: the awesome daughter of an even awesomer man.

I'm taking part in the Alzheimer's walk on Sunday with my sister, Kelsey. If you have a few extra dollars please consider donating it to the Alzhiemer's Assocation by clicking this link.

Thank you.

My Solo Showlo

Hey guys!

This Thursday, the 11th of September, I'll be doing a solo show at UCB. Hope you can make it.

Glennis Does Some Characters and Shit (working title)
9/11/08
7:00pm
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Avenue
Reservations here: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/652
$5.00

I hope no one lines my show with dynamite. Too soon?

xoxo

Glennis

The Dawn of Glennis

I finally got my shit together and did an overnight sleep study (I'm pretty sure my closest compadres and lover - singular - were tired of hearing me say "I'm tired.") last night. And I was. ALL THE TIME. Well, I technically still am but I feel like this is a new day! I took one step closer to becoming normal. No more hazy days!

This is what you look like if you do a sleep study. It's VERY uncomfortable. I get results back in two weeks.


Another thing you should look forward to... My character show at UCB. The 11th of September, 7pm. Stay tuned for more info and a title.

xoxo

Glennis

Revamp!

Hey guys! I totally revamped my website. Enjoy!

www.glennismcmurray.com

xoxo

Glennis

Pandas Tonight

Tonight @ 9:30pm
I Eat Pandas: We Classy
UCB Theatre
307 West 26th Street @ 8th Ave
$5.00

My eye is almost all better so I'll literally see you there.

xoxo

Glennis

Sound & Vision

Right now. AT THIS VERY MOMENT. AS YOU READ THIS I have blood floating around in my right eye. Moving as I move my eye this way and that. Swirling around as I look up and down and clouding my vision so that everything is seen through a bloody, liquidy milkshake.

How did this happen, you may ask?

By singing, friends.

That's right, dudes. On Wednesday night during an I Eat Pandas show at UCB I sang so hard, rocked out so much, kicked so much ass that my body was like "we've taken enough! we can't take no more!" and so, during the last note of the last song I kicked it up a notch ("squeezing the old buns" as we "pros" call it) and burst a blood vessel in my right eye!

It happened just before the lights went out after the 15-minute musical so I think the burst vessel in my field of vision stood out even more. I walked over to the clock with blood rushing from to my head, trying not to pass out and freaking out because I couldn't move the black line in the middle of my eye. And I couldn't freak out audibly because we still had the 5-minute musical to do. SO. I reset the clock, acted as normal as I could and hoped for the best and, because I have the bestest comedy partner around, I knew we'd be ok. We got through a clunky 5-minute musical where I refused to sing a single note and when we got off stage I immediately started doing a girly freak out to Eliza.

I went to the doc yesterday and they saw the blood floating in there (as it had left the vein and the layer further in and was now closer to the center of my eye). They did a sonogram, looked in my eyes over and over, dilated them, poked them, and at least 5 or 6 docs looked in my eyes with bright lights that made me feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin. They concluded it was from singing and that it would clear up itself within a month. Or more. Who knows, really? All they told me is if the blood doesn't clear up (and they said it moved closer and closer to the front of the eye so does that mean I'll have a beat-red eye for a while? I should have asked that...), that if it doesn't clear up I may need surgery. Gulp.

The point is:

Yes, this is insanely annoying and makes my depth perception terrible.
and
Yes, I have 4 shows next week, two of which will be doubly difficult with a huge wig and heels.
BUT...

This is still the coolest injury I've ever gotten. How hardcore am I?

Love,

Glennis "bloodeye" McMurray

DEAL

Hey world? Guess what? You're gonna have to start dealing with the fact that when I Eat Pandas does something people be gettin' boners up in this bitch.

Best Week Ever lady boner provided by the lovely Sara Schaefer:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/08/01/what-klondike-should-do-for-a-klondike-bar/

Hoootio Hooooooooooo

Love,

Glennis

Rejected

Eliza and I made a video (along with the help of filmmaker/photographer Anya Garrett - www.anyagarrett.com - and super talented actor/comedian Nate Lang) for the Klondike "What Would You Do" competition. The rejection letter, among other things, said that videos are rejected when they "include acts of violence or acts that appear to cause harm."

Enjoy.



Love,

Glennis

The Hat is On

Lately, as I've probably written here half a billion times before, I've been trying on the "NO FEAR" hat. It's hard. It really doesn't fit perfectly yet, but sometimes I can pull it off. Like when I'm wearing leopard pants. Totally matches.

Recently when I was in LA I said to dear Eliza, "Hey! If we go to Disney I'll ride a roller coaster!"

Anyone who knows me well knows those are two of the last things I want to do. A) I hate Disney and B) I am deathly afraid of roller coasters. DEATHLY. Like, I think I will die on them. But I decided that by saying it I would be held responsible to do it (especially since her response was, "YEAH!? HOLY SHIT! OK!") and would therefore have to follow through or be forever deemed a huge pussy. Well, I missed out on Disney but I did indeed ride a baby roller coaster on the Santa Monica Pier. I shouted "oh god! oh god! oh god!" over and over and I thought Eliza was going to piss herself she was laughing so hard. We were both crying and howling with laughter at the end of that ride. Totally scary, totally awesome and totally worth it. (Thanks, E!)

Find me back in NY and my other dear friend, Corrine (who was BORN with the "no fear" hat on!), has convinced me to take a trapeze lesson at Pier 40 (what's with this shit all being on piers!?) by the Hudson river. Again... no idea why, the day after I fly back from LA, I'd want to take a TRAPEZE LESSON but that hat was on my head as soon as my alarm went off. The key is to just pretend like you're going to do something else. I tell my body we're going to eat (because that's my favorite sport) and it's so dumb I never chicken out anymore!

The bottom line is I totally trapezed.

And I have it on tape.

Enjoy! (And thanks to Corrine for the awesome job taping me!!)



Go "No Fear" hats!!!

xoxo

Glennis

The Story of How I Met Roger Daltrey and How Little it Meant To Me At The Time

The story begins in Los Angeles, where most stories begin, unless they begin somewhere else.

I was on vacation with THE EX (bum bum BUUUUM) and we got tickets to see his pal, Eddie, in My Fair Lady at The Hollywood Bowl (whoa what up name dropper). The show starred, you guessed it, The Who's Roger Daltrey as Alfred P. Doolittle. Now at the time... yes, I knew who he was and, like, I totally knew the some of the The Who the songs. "Whooooo are you. Who ooh. Ooh ooh." But fuck if I cared that he was in the show. I said it. Seeing Roger Daltrey on stage meant about as much to me as a puppy watching a man re-grow his hands. And that's fuckin' hard.

I'm getting off track.

Roger Daltrey.

Right.

After the show ended we went back stage and I met THE Roger Daltrey. He said my name. He shook my hand. He was quite charming, quite British and feigned interest in meeting me quite well. And yes he was short. And after we met he drove away in a Mini Cooper.

I went to LA last week and while I was there I DROVE A MINI COOPER, TOO.

I'm just saying, guys. Life is weird.

And I'm an asshole for not being more excited about meeting Roger Daltrey.

Love,

Glennis