Wedding Weekend Recap - Part 2 (of 1,000 Weddings)

Last week my lovah and I went to Portland, OR for one of his best bud's wedding. This is seriously like wedding 80 of 1,000 - I just haven't written about the others. (They will be written about but right now all I have the strength for is the most recent.)

Portland wedding was amazing. The scenery - breathtaking. The guests - little packages of awesome. The partying - terrifs. One aspect of the partying was especially terrif. It involved only myself, Matt and our awesome friend Pete. One starry night we sat outside Pete's room on his patio looking for UFOs and drinking ourselves silly. Eventually, as it tends to do exactly every 13.2 minutes (like clockwork), nature called. I, being the classy lady that I am, got up to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. The two gentleman stood up, because they've got class as well, to excuse me and I gracefully sauntered in to the room to powder my lady parts.

Or that's what I had hoped would happen.

Instead, I stood up and walked right into the glass door. It's just my way, y'allz.

I sank to my knees (to keep the pee in) and started laughing so hard I don't actually believe I took a breath for 60-90 seconds. Matt fell off his seat, laughing, crying, holding his sides. We couldn't breath, we couldn't speak, all we could do was laugh. I don't even think anyone could ask if I was OK, but clearly I was as I was laughing hysterically. Next thing I know I hear a stream of what sounds like urine and I turn to see Matt 10 feet away peeing in the bushes. He could no longer hold it and was not about to pee his pants. I turn to where Pete is standing and he's just stone-faced and says, "I need to collect my thoughts" and walks inside. Well, first he opened the sliding glass door and THEN he walked inside.

HIGH LARIOUS

It was classic Glennis, really.

And that's what I took away from Portland wedding. (Among many many other amazing things which I am not sure I can go into right now. Seriously - SO TIRED.)

Another wedding this Sunday! Let's hope I can keep my everlovingcrap together.

I love you all more than you'll ever know.

xoxo

Glennis

BananaDream

I used to have insanely vivid dreams that I felt like I'd lived and still to this day I'm not quite sure I haven't. I remember every single detail. What I was wearing, who I was with, what the walls looked like - Everything. Last night I had another of those dreams.

BANANADREAM!!

There were some traveling aspects in last night's - I was in a cab going to a location that the cab driver couldn't find, etc - but most of the dream took place in a party. The high point was when a friend of mine, John, fell down some stairs and was SLICED IN HALF. He was at the bottom of the stairs one minute and then next standing next to me with a visible gap between his top and bottom halves saying, "it looks a lot worse than it probably is." We were all concerned but also thought that it would probably be OK. The party continues and I'm hanging out with a female friend of mine and, as we're standing near the warming trays (for the food that will be served in this large and dank mansion party) she admits that she pushed him down the stairs. And that our friend who broke her arm at the last party was pushed by her as well. The rest of the dream was trying to get back to my boyfriend to tell him about his friend who'd been sliced in half (our cell phones weren't working).

I hopped on the subway and I wasn't wearing shoes. I got off at 34th street and it was in ruins. It looked more like a dump site than a subway station and it was partially outdoors. I walked over piles of trash toward the exit and when I got there I was standing at the ocean. Cars were driving from the street into the water and disappearing. The tide was rising and I knew I had to get out of there but I couldn't get back up to the subway platform.

And then I woke up.

I have a feeling some of the craziness in the dream is due to the fact that I have just the tiniest bit of anxiety about my show tonight. I'm not stressed in any sense other than I'm a perfectionist and I want it to be, you guessed it, perfect. Only by my standards of course - but I have very high standards.

I should also note that this is the 2nd dream I've had in my lifetime where someone was cut in half and was breathing and talking like nothing had happened.

And on that note - why not come see my solo show tonight!

Paralyzed by Glennis
5 characters whose lives have been effected by living in fear.
Thursday, September 24th @ 7pm
The UCB Theatre
307 W 26th St @ 8th Ave
$5.00
Reservations: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/178



Love,

Glennis

Front Page Fun

Check out the video my darling and his cohorts made for the Crunch fitness contest. Who's that adorable girl talking about MP3 players?? Why - that's me!


http://www.crunchgymshorts.com/?ref=mf#/featured

Happy Fall!

Glennis

Two Things

Here are two things that happened recently that you NTK (Need To Know) about me.

First - I finally took my laundry in the other day. It was 30 POUNDS. That's a lot of dirty ditties, y'all! So I'm lugging it down the street by hand because A) I like the challenge and B) I didn't have time to take my cart back home after dropping it off. So I'm LUGGING it down the street and this dude sitting in a rape van says to me, "hey baby, that's a heavy bag." I, of course, ignore him and start to cross the street. He then says something else - which I didn't hear, but assumed was in the same vein (douche) - so I turn around, give him my Claire Stare* and said, "SERIOUSLY!?" and whipped around to continue my trek to the laundry. It was hot as balls, I was carrying 30 lbs of laundry and I just find cat calling lame. So I drop off my laundry and as I'm walking back he's still sitting there and he says to me... wait for it...

"I didn't mean to offend you."

BOOM! Claire Stare in action!!

Second - and this is gross so if you don't like gross stuff STOP READING NOW.

So, I'm eating lunch with my dad. We're not at a fancy place, just a diner, but still - we're in public. So I'm sitting there and my ear is itching. The inside. And I know it's gross to scratch your inner ear in front of people, but dudes - it's driving me nuts. So I give in and use my talons to dig around a bit in my right ear and when I pulled my nail out there was THE GROSSEST PIECE OF WAX EVER on it. I swear it had a face. AND HAIR. I'm not even kidding. And dudes, I clean my ears out a lot. Almost obsessively. Probably too much. So I'm not kidding when I tell you that this piece came from the depths of Glennis. Probably my brain. In fact - it might have been my conjoined twin! I was SO grossed out! And of course I couldn't stop looking at it and playing with it. Am I totally turning you off from me, guys? I'm sorry, but it was awesome and I need to share awesome things with you.

OK I think that's it. I'm in Boston recording voice overs for Carnival Cruise Lines - pretty soon when you call 1800-CARNIVALCRUISE (or something) you can hear MY VOICE! Yeah boyeeeee.

Check ya later, stinkbutts!

xoxo

Glennis

*The "Claire Stare" (TM GLENNIS MCMURRAY 2008) got its roots from the fabulous Claire Huxtable. You can use the Claire Stare to tame drunken girls, douchie guys and sometimes rabid dogs. It's very powerful. CLAIRE STARE!

A Few Recommendations

I'm headed to VT this weekend for some family time with the McCliments, but before I go I have a few recommendations for you.

First - my hair. You can't see it right now, but it looks fabulous. Well it doesn't look fabulous right now because I just woke up, but trust me it normally looks AWESOME. My friend Andrea is no joke, hands down the best hairstylist I've encountered in NY. I've been in NY for 11 years and grew up with a hairdresser for a mother... trust me. I also love to look good. So sit on it. And then call Andrea. She works out of her adorable home and is very reasonably priced.

HAIR by Andrea Palumbos

http://www.yelp.com/biz/hair-by-andrea-palumbos-brooklyn

andrea . palumbos @ gmail . com

Next, my amazing friend Adira is going to be so huge you guys. Check out her new music video for her song "Fingerblast". She's on tour right now, but when she's back you should see her show. You will leave with stars shooting out your back side. She's that fun.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5d588621cd/adira-amram-fingerblast
http://www.adiraamram.com/

Next - do you like websites? I have one. I just updated it. Check it out!

http://www.glennismcmurray.com

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some major relaxing to do in VT. And by relaxing I mean drinking my face off at my cousin's pub.

x's and o's

Glennis

Dream Role!

This Friday night my brand new show hits the stage! Dream Role is the dream-child of myself, Katina Corrao and Sara Jo Allocco which gives performers the opportunity to perform the role they've lusted after but will never play based on age, race or gender. Come see your favorite actors and comedians take the stage for their one and only chance to peform their DREAM ROLE!

Featuring:

-Kate Tellers (Gravid Water)
-Baron Vaughn (NY City Center's "Damn Yankees")
-Eliza Skinner (I Eat Pandas, AMC's "Life Coach")
-Jeff Hiller ("Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson" at the Public Theatre)
-Jessica Allen (Ms. Jackson)
-Shawn Hollenbach (Closet Cases)
-Adolpho Blair ("Across The Universe")
-Kathy Deitch (Broadway’s “Wicked”)
And featuring a very special "Dream Role Anthem" performed by your hosts!!

With accompaniment by the amazing Frank Spitznagel!

Friday, July 31st - 7pm
The Creek
1093 Jackson Ave.
LIC - First stop on the 7 Train
Free!
http://creeklic.com/directions/

Hope you can make it!

Love,

Glennis

PS - Want to be a part of a future Dream Role cast? Write to us at submitadreamrole @ gmail dot com.

The Striptease Bus Is Coming

My pals Billy and Adam from Harvard Sailing Team made a hilarious video and they asked me to be in it. Check it out as I do a really sexy (scary) striptease.

And check out www.billyandadam.com for more of their videos!



Love,

Glennis

I just want you to know,

A Little MJ Love

It's not much, but here's a video I shot with a bunch of pals back in 2006 as my audition to be Ellen's new DJ. I, of course, used an MJ song because there are no better songs to jam to on the planet.

Enjoy.

RIP, Michael. Thanks for the sweet, sweet jams.



Love,

Glennis

PS - Please don't call me.

NY Stories

I am enjoy these a lot. If you haven't already watched, might I recommend comedian Jesse Popp (a friend of mine and a great person and stand up!) and The Singing Waitress from one of my favorite dives in the city - Marie's Crisis. A piano bar in the West Village that I used to frequent so often the piano player would see me come in, mouth, "give me 5!" and then would call me up to the piano to perch on a stool and sing a Gershwin number. Maggie has been the waitress there for years and years and she is one of the sweetest ladies on Earth.

I love little peaks into other people's lives. And this way it's totally legal!

xoxo

Glennis

Paralyzed by Glennis

This, my dear readers, is the poster for my new solo show: Paralyzed by Glennis! All the characters featured in this show have had their lives affected by living in fear.

I have operated from a place of fear for most of my life. Yep, it's true. I know you probably just fell off your chair because I'm such a loving and fabulous gal, but a lot of negative emotions are rooted in fear. This will affect your life, especially if you have no idea that that's what is going on. Jealousy, anger, denial - all forms of fear. I don't want to get all preachy but you get the idea.

One of my many obsessions is watching (mostly TV) shows about people who self-sabotage. I am fascinated by it. I think self-sabotage is the number one result of fear. I'm afraid to be happy/fabulous/rich/famous/smart/funny/etc. so I'm going to do everything in my power to keep myself from achieving those things. The ways in which people self-sabotage are infinite, but the end result is always the same and I can tell you one thing - it's not happiness. Some people just naturally operate from a place of love, but others have to fight to get through the shit-storm of fear to find happiness. And I love when they do because it reiterates my belief that no one wants to be miserable.

I'm taking a chance putting something I strongly believe in out there like this, but what's the other option? Letting my fear take over? I've tried that route and all it brings is misery and regret.

I hope I see your lovely and loving faces there. I really do.

LOVE,

Glennis

Fancy Pandies

Pandies as in Pandas as in I EAT. That's right, folks - if you haven't already heard about it through the Facebook grapevine, I Eat Pandas has gone extra fancy. We've pumped up the awesome to 2,000 (on a scale of 50) and we're kicking it all super hot style for you, the audience. Because without you we'd just be two super hotties and a kick-ass pianist talking to ourselves.

How are we fancier?

Well for one - we've stopped stealing. Eliza and I are, among other things, master thieves. We have a huge warehouse at the exact half-way point between our two houses and it's overflowing with cars, furs and diamonds. True, the cars are Fiats, the furs are squirrel and the diamonds are all set in Hello Kitty pendants, but all of it: stolen.

We're also fancier because we're getting grills put in our teeth. These grills:



Oh, did I forget to mention we're also becoming Vampires? We aren't stupid - we've noticed a trend in Vampire popularity lately and we're catching that train to stardom. The only difference in our case is we don't drink blood. Give us a nice bloody mary, thank you very much.

But the #1 fancy thing we've done of late is join forces with WET (Women's Expresive Theatre, Inc.) to move our show from the basement of a Gristedes to a fancy off-Broadway theatre. Can you dig that?!

We have two mo shows:

Mondays, June 22nd and June 29th at 9:30pm
DR2 Theatre - Union Square
103 East 15th Street
Btwn Union Sq East & Irving Place
$5.00

To add to the fancy they provide patrons of our show with free snacks and drinks. Stella, wine, cheese, crudite... none of these words we even uttered pre-fancy!

And so I think it needs to be said - here's our one chance fancy don't let us down.

See you at the DR2!

xoxo

Glennis

Totes Profesh

I apologize if you've already read this on my Facebook feed, but it bears repeatin', y'all.

This morning I had a voice over job at a studio which already has a spotty track record with this gal. I was almost late for a job the other day because the casting director kept me in the room for 15 minutes saying 3 lines 20 different ways. Infuriating, dudes! But, hey... I booked the job so I really can't complain, riyeet?

So I show up this morning and the receptionist, who is one of those scary ladies you don't want to piss off by saying, "hello" the wrong way, is already huffing and puffing. I timidly tell her I'm there and take a seat and then it starts. She gets on the phone and starts yelling at someone. She is dropping F-bombs left and right not even attempting to cover them up for, you know, any clients that might be around. I am appalled by her lack of professionalism, but I'm also intrigued. I also can't help but listen because I CAN'T LEAVE. So I gather from her conversation that she's pissed about someone whose child is in the hospital. I think they accused her of not calling or checking in on them and she keeps repeating, "I tried to call! She knows me better than that! She can fucking call ME if she wants to talk." It was... sad. What made it increasingly hilarious was the fact that she had Lady Gaga's Poker Face on REPEAT. No joke, guys, from 10:30am - 11:15 and then from 1!:30 - 12:20 I sat there in terror as the scariest receptionist on Earth (TSROE) yelled and jammed simultaneously.

How does she keep her job you might ask? I might ask that too if I wasn't so damn frightened of her. She did answer the office phone a few times which made it even more hilarious since she switched on a dime into her "profesh" voice. The thing that made it most confusing was that everyone who seemed to work there just walked past completely unfazed by her screaming into the phone. Fucking sick kids! They make me so angry, too!!

I finally got the OK to leave and I booked it out of there faster than she could drop another F-bomb.

And this, my friends, has been an insight into a day in the life of yours truly.

x's and o's

You fuckers.

Glennis

PS - I will never listen to Poker Face again. Count on that.

Girls Kick It

I know this is old news, but is there anything better than Beth Ditto?



No. No there is not.

Kick ass, ladies!

Glennis

Obsessed with Obsessed

Have you ever felt dirty? No, not dirty... filthy. Like really just gross and filthy and disgusting? Like you're all bro I am COVERED in germs. And then you start to think about how dirty you are and that makes you want to wash your hands. 100 times a day. And then that's just not enough because guess what the grossest thing is? Grosser than dirt even? POOP. And guess who poops? EVERYONE. And that fuckin' grosses you out, but guess what? You still have to pooh! I mean unless you don't eat and how long can that possibly last. So you poop and then guess what? It's even more disgusting than you imagined and so you take a shower. But you just can't get clean! One hour, two hours... logic tells you a shower should do the trick and yet you still feel disgusting! That awful poop! It came out of your butt! Your butt is dirty!! And so what do you do THEN? Why you'd scrape out your bowels with a toothbrush of course!

Y'aaaaall! Am I freaking you out or what? That shit is not made up either. It's just one of my latest obsessions: the A&E show Obsessed which follows people struggling with OCD.

BEST_SHOW_EVER

Imagine if thinking about germs lead you to the point where you're cleaning yourself out so thoroughly that are hospitalized not once, but twice for blood transfusions. I know, guys. I know.

And as gross and upsetting (and wicked nasty!) that is - I totally get it. My brain gets obsessed with stuff pretty easily and, according to Matt, I love to use the word "obsessed" to describe things that people are not in fact obsessed with. (Getting the same flavor of ice cream two times in a row and then mentioning that you love said flavor = obsessed.) I am obsessed with Obsessed.

When I was younger I remember I used to play the piano on my leg and if I didn't play the same notes, the same amount of times on each hand it would drive me crazy. I also become totally obsessed with songs and have to listen to them over and over until I'm sick of them. You might be saying, "yeah G, I do that too" but you'd be wrong. I do it to the point where I don't want to listen to the song and yet can not stop myself. I can not stop myself. Thankfully I don't scrape my eardrums out, y'all!

But seriously, yo, I think we all have some sort of OCD don't you? Sure as shit. Oh yeah I also sometimes say the same word over and over in my head until I can't not say it. Some of the words I find on repeat in my head are: Cornucopia, Dewitt, Arbitration and Class Action. Weird that most of them have to do with the law... I guess the law has a lot of fun words to say which is ironic because the law is anything but fun. Yeah you can try to sell it to me as much as you want, lawyers. Not buying.

But I digress...

The other 1/2 of the show featured a mathematician who was obsessed with working out. It seemed to me he had something like 5 gym memberships and he'd spend 8 or 9 minutes in each gym and work out upwards of 50 times a week. The funniest thing, and you should take notice of this if you watch (and why wouldn't you watch?) is that he had terrible form when working out. And he worked out in street clothes... I mean clearly changing is going to take even more time out of your day so why bother. I've seen guys like this at my gym and I could never figure it out. Now I know your secret! I felt especially bad for this guy because he had been doing this for something like 16 years. How do you break a 16-year-old habit?? Over you knee, y'all. Over your knee.

So my questions for you are - what are you obsessed with and WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS - go watch that show!!

(You can watch it here.)

Obsessively Yours,

Glennis

PS - I just realized how obsessed I am - look at what I called our I Eat Pandas Facebook group!

Word, LA. Word.

Hey guys! What up!

I'm sitting at LAX waiting for my delayed flight to un-delay and get me back into the arms of my lover. NYC. What is it about you?

I missed NY and all it's convenience (subways), but I thoroughly enjoyed driving around in my sweet ride for a week. I rented a mid-sized from Hotwire.com and when I got there the agent directed me to Section 2 and said, "pick a car." Did I go for the PT Loser? Snoway. Did I go for the Ford Snoozion? Nadachance. Did I see a hot Mustang sportsies with my name written all over it? Bazingo!


Souped up version of my ride.


Here's a question for the masses: why is my area at the airport the prime spot for people to stand and make phone calls and B) why does it smell like farts?

(Answer - I farted.)

So let's start from the beginning with the flight to LAX. Sat next to one of the most agitated men I've ever encountered. Sir Sighs-A-Lot. Christ dude, we all know flying sucks, but really? Annoyed by someone closing the bathroom door? Chill OUT homey! I spent the entire flight worried he'd snap and rip my head off my poor little frame. But, friends! Justice was served when, upon landing, he sneezed and his gum flew from his mouth to the pages of the book (on "Depression Era Economics") he was reading and stuck there. Talk about ANNOYED! Two words, dude. SUCK. IT.

I decided to get my ass in gear this trip so I worked out like a mofo. Firsts I ran on the beach which, need I say, is flippin' hard! I fell. Once. Ok, twice. Second time on purpose because the first fall was so fun. Then on the second day I went for a hike on Runyon Canyon. Runyon reminds me of Funions which I love to eat and are the opposite of working out. Side note. So I hiked up the Canyon and had a celebrity sighting. LC from The Hills! What!? I know. Kind of lame, but also kind of thrilling. Don't ask me why, friends. Don't ask. Anywhozits, I made it to the top before realizing that the earrings I had so vainly adorned myself in that morning (earrings on a hike? who am I, Claire's Boutique?) had fallen out of my jacket pocket. Some dog probably ate them because they were not to be found. I spent a good $6 on those earrings, folks. They will be missed. (And, to clarify, they were taken off because I walk with such a stride the back and forth motion became too much for my gentle lobes to take.)

On Tuesday night I went with Skinner to see one of the fliest groups on either coast at Largo: Magnolia Memoir. Headed by our Pandas West-Coast pianist, Alex Burke. The man has so many skillz he could pay off our national debt. The group was beyond amazing and Pandas was thrilled to have a few of them in the audience of our show on Thursday night. Friends sharing talent with friends. Warms my cockles (and balls).

Wednesday night I did a little something you might have heard of called STAND UP, BITCHES. Yep. Kicked it old school style on the stage at West Side Comedy and did a pretty good set if I do say so. And I do. 3rd time doing stand up! What? Killed it.

Thursday night was the reallybigshew! Pandas at UCB! We had a nice line outside the theatah and our crowd really ate up every tasty morsel we threw at them. Our suggestion was "Pony" and, now: a recap.

30-minute musical featured me as a woman named Phyllis who wanted her daughter, Claire, to call her Mommy. Claire was understandably hesitant as Phyllis killed Claire's birth mother and tried to raise Claire as her own - buying her love with Ponies. Phyllis met Eliza's 2nd character who was a horse-trainer haunted by the death of one of his students. He took the blame where Phyllis, who should have, did not. They met at a bar and learned a lot from each other. And drank a lot. Phyllis and Claire ended up in each others arms and lessons were learned.

15-minute musical featured me as a British pony lived in the land of magical ponies only - all the magical ponies disappeared because, why else, no one believed!! Eliza's pony character sent me back to the land of humans and convince one person to believe in magical ponies. British pony found herself in a cooling duct in an office building where Eliza's 2nd character, Bob, a cold, heartless businessman, took conference calls. British pony convinced Bob to believe and brought him back to the land of magical ponies...where they tried to kill him. Bob stopped believing and the ponies started disappearing again. And for the life of me I can't remember how it ended. WHAT!? Shit. It was good, trust me.

5-minute musical featured both our characters as merry-go-round horses trying to realize their dreams. Eliza's pony killed mine at the end and we burned to the ground. It's what we do.

And now here I sit at LAX waiting to get this bitch in the sky. Overall, the trip gets two snaps and a booty smack. Damn good time had by all!

Except the part where I threw up in my car. That was kind of shitty. But, hell man, what's a good time without a little vomit?

GLENNIS OUT!

Mommies Day!

For all you new mommies out there, check out my pal Susan's adorable clothing line!

Hello, Banjo!

The clothes are insanely cute and I'm buying some for Matt's neice and nephew. Shhh. It's a surprise and they love the internet. (I'm kidding, they can't even read. Dummies!!)

Or, if you're not having one, why not pick up something for someone you know? It's never too early to give that little bump a gift and NY has baby fever!

Happy soon-to-be Mother's Day!

Love,

Glennis

Parody Mondays

Since I've been having a rough couple of weeks and because song parodies make me so happy, I've decided to put my itunes on random and write song parody (titles) to each of the songs that come up.

Give Me One Gleason
A song about how the world needs another comedy talent like Jackie Gleason.
Original song: Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman


Tangled Up in Poo
(that's for you, Skinner)
A song about getting poo on your hands and finding it on your clothes throughout the rest of the day.
Original song: Tangled up in Blue by Bob Dylan


Don't Dream It's Grover
A song about how you'd rather date a slightly retarded puppet than your current boyfriend.
Original Song: Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House


Where Do Broken Farts Go?
(that one's for you, Lizard)
A song about a gas bubble who can't decide whether to become a fart or a burp.
Original song: Where Do Broken Hearts Go by Whitney Houston


Apprias(al) of Cory
A song about Cory Feldman's monetary worth.
Original song: Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi


I Wanna Pee Or Hover
A song about having to pee but wanting to read what your co-worker is twittering about.
Original song: I Wanna Be Your Lover by Prince


Here, You Cum on Big Ben
A song about wanting to cum on Big Ben.
Original Song: Here You Come Again by Dolly Parton


Pony Trappers
A song about the egregious pony trapping crimes being committed every day in pony land.
Original Song: Phony Rappers by Tribe Called Quest


You'll Always Give me Rabies
A song about wild raccoons.
Original song: You'll Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey.


And finally...

Ran In Lotion
A song about running a marathon while covered in lotion. It's a work in progress.
Original song: Man in Motion by John Parr


That's all.

Love,

Glennis

Debate

I've been having the following debate with myself off and on for the last hour or so:

"I only wore this shirt for like 2 hours a couple of days ago. Can I get away with wearing it again to avoid sifting through the plastic bags to find another?"

Only - replace "shirt" with "underwear".

Hooray for my apartment!!

Love,

Glennis

Fascination Street

When we moved into our sweet little (bedbug infested) apartment in Williamsburg, our first order of business was to check out the local restaurants. Natch. We decided it would probably be best to take a walk a few blocks in either direction of our apartment. This was August of last year so there were people out in droves. As we walked to the right, the old men across the street noticed Matt's shock of red hair and immediately called out to him, "hey! you're the cable guy!" Matt, as always, graciously waved back, confirmed their assumption and we went on our way.

The first place we happened upon was a little diner called the Garden Grill. We popped in for a bite and it was instant mayhem. Here were more fans of the cable guy! Our meal was instantly that much more fun/hilarious as the man behind the counter (the owners son, we soon came to find out) tripped over himself at the thought that he was talking to the one and only cable guy. We enjoyed our meal, paid (what? no free food!?) and left, but not before the owners son got Matt's autograph and his website address promising he'd come to a show. Pretty nice!

The next time out of our apartment the old men were sitting outside again and, again, waved and shouted to Matt. This time there was a man on our side of the street yelling to an older, fatter man on the other side of the street. They had a good laugh, Matt kindly acknowledged them again and we decided this time to check out the diner directly across the street from us. The diner, we soon came to find out, that was frequented by a gaggle of old men. As we sat at the counter trying to enjoy our food, the largest, loudest of the old men carried on a conversation about Matt, but not including him in the convo. So it was stuff like, "I bet he gets bothered all the time! The Cable Guy! I bet he just wants to eat his food in silence! Why don't you fellas stop staring at him!" So... that was the last time we went there. Back to Garden Grill it was!

Every single time we go to the GG, the owner's son (the one on all the menus and the magnet which now decorates our fridge) says "hey! when are you performing! give me your website! CABLE GUY!!" to Matt and exactly ZILCH to me. Nothing. I can be standing IN FRONT of Matt and he'll still completely ignore me. Which, fine - I mean I get it. You are fascinated by someone who has been on your TV. Fine. But then one day as we were eating breakfast at GG, an older woman said, "are you the man from TV? Oooh I am going to tell my girlfriends I had breakfast with you! I mean, I know you have a..." and then she did one of those dismissive hand waves in my direction indicating that what she meant to say was "infectious disease." The nerve! And how do you respond to that? We both laughed a little - she laughed a lot.

Really, it's not a big deal that I'm ignored at Garden Grill. (I swear! Really! Why don't you believe me!!?) I just find it fascinating that to this day the oldies on our street are still completely in awe of having the cable guy on their block. I told Matt he should try and start a Ponzi scheme with their retirement money since they're so eager to be around him, and then he beat me with a sack of oranges for coming up with such a bad idea. Ahhh, true love!

This also just goes to show who Matt's target audience is: oldies. And gays. This didn't really prove my gay point, but trust me. The gay community is all over that red-headed god!

So the point is this: if you see a celebrity on the street, even if it's a man of commercial fame, say your bit to them and be on your way. I mean, I know older people have a pass because they're old and whatever, but it doesn't excuse common decency. And I know I'm going to sound a little bitter, but why not say hi to the person that they're with? What am I... I mean, ARE THEY... chopped liver??

Jadedly yours,

Glennis