Glesbo: Totes Profesh

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Totes Profesh

I apologize if you've already read this on my Facebook feed, but it bears repeatin', y'all.

This morning I had a voice over job at a studio which already has a spotty track record with this gal. I was almost late for a job the other day because the casting director kept me in the room for 15 minutes saying 3 lines 20 different ways. Infuriating, dudes! But, hey... I booked the job so I really can't complain, riyeet?

So I show up this morning and the receptionist, who is one of those scary ladies you don't want to piss off by saying, "hello" the wrong way, is already huffing and puffing. I timidly tell her I'm there and take a seat and then it starts. She gets on the phone and starts yelling at someone. She is dropping F-bombs left and right not even attempting to cover them up for, you know, any clients that might be around. I am appalled by her lack of professionalism, but I'm also intrigued. I also can't help but listen because I CAN'T LEAVE. So I gather from her conversation that she's pissed about someone whose child is in the hospital. I think they accused her of not calling or checking in on them and she keeps repeating, "I tried to call! She knows me better than that! She can fucking call ME if she wants to talk." It was... sad. What made it increasingly hilarious was the fact that she had Lady Gaga's Poker Face on REPEAT. No joke, guys, from 10:30am - 11:15 and then from 1!:30 - 12:20 I sat there in terror as the scariest receptionist on Earth (TSROE) yelled and jammed simultaneously.

How does she keep her job you might ask? I might ask that too if I wasn't so damn frightened of her. She did answer the office phone a few times which made it even more hilarious since she switched on a dime into her "profesh" voice. The thing that made it most confusing was that everyone who seemed to work there just walked past completely unfazed by her screaming into the phone. Fucking sick kids! They make me so angry, too!!

I finally got the OK to leave and I booked it out of there faster than she could drop another F-bomb.

And this, my friends, has been an insight into a day in the life of yours truly.

x's and o's

You fuckers.

Glennis

PS - I will never listen to Poker Face again. Count on that.

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Glennis-isms

Clair Stare (v) - Derived from the fabulous Clair Huxtable's show-stopping stare. As powerful as any words, fist or bullets and twice as effective. "Piss slowly dripping down his leg he knew at once that his airplane hijacking attempt had, once again, been thwarted by the Clair Stare."

Out-Regis-and-Kelly (adj.) - Used to describe someone's fabulous, sparkly outrageousness. "Not sure if the girl in front of her had fallen or begun a strange, errotic dance, she chose to classify her as out-regis-and-kelly."

Out-Regis-and-Kathy-Lee (adj.) - Used to describe someone's slightly off-putting, drunken or outdated behavior. "The party took a turn for the worse when they arrived and, in truly out-regis-and-kathy-lee fashion, upper decked every bathroom in the house."

Prrrthetic (adj.) - Used to describe a pathetic action that, somehow, ends up making you look adorable. "The prrr-thetic attempt to get him back fell short when the aerial photo of his face made out of cats was overexposed."