Have you ever felt dirty? No, not dirty... filthy. Like really just gross and filthy and disgusting? Like you're all bro I am COVERED in germs. And then you start to think about how dirty you are and that makes you want to wash your hands. 100 times a day. And then that's just not enough because guess what the grossest thing is? Grosser than dirt even? POOP. And guess who poops? EVERYONE. And that fuckin' grosses you out, but guess what? You still have to pooh! I mean unless you don't eat and how long can that possibly last. So you poop and then guess what? It's even more disgusting than you imagined and so you take a shower. But you just can't get clean! One hour, two hours... logic tells you a shower should do the trick and yet you still feel disgusting! That awful poop! It came out of your butt! Your butt is dirty!! And so what do you do THEN? Why you'd scrape out your bowels with a toothbrush of course!
Y'aaaaall! Am I freaking you out or what? That shit is not made up either. It's just one of my latest obsessions: the A&E show Obsessed which follows people struggling with OCD.
Imagine if thinking about germs lead you to the point where you're cleaning yourself out so thoroughly that are hospitalized not once, but twice for blood transfusions. I know, guys. I know.
And as gross and upsetting (and wicked nasty!) that is - I totally get it. My brain gets obsessed with stuff pretty easily and, according to Matt, I love to use the word "obsessed" to describe things that people are not in fact obsessed with. (Getting the same flavor of ice cream two times in a row and then mentioning that you love said flavor = obsessed.) I am obsessed with Obsessed.
When I was younger I remember I used to play the piano on my leg and if I didn't play the same notes, the same amount of times on each hand it would drive me crazy. I also become totally obsessed with songs and have to listen to them over and over until I'm sick of them. You might be saying, "yeah G, I do that too" but you'd be wrong. I do it to the point where I don't want to listen to the song and yet can not stop myself. I can not stop myself. Thankfully I don't scrape my eardrums out, y'all!
But seriously, yo, I think we all have some sort of OCD don't you? Sure as shit. Oh yeah I also sometimes say the same word over and over in my head until I can't not say it. Some of the words I find on repeat in my head are: Cornucopia, Dewitt, Arbitration and Class Action. Weird that most of them have to do with the law... I guess the law has a lot of fun words to say which is ironic because the law is anything but fun. Yeah you can try to sell it to me as much as you want, lawyers. Not buying.
But I digress...
The other 1/2 of the show featured a mathematician who was obsessed with working out. It seemed to me he had something like 5 gym memberships and he'd spend 8 or 9 minutes in each gym and work out upwards of 50 times a week. The funniest thing, and you should take notice of this if you watch (and why wouldn't you watch?) is that he had terrible form when working out. And he worked out in street clothes... I mean clearly changing is going to take even more time out of your day so why bother. I've seen guys like this at my gym and I could never figure it out. Now I know your secret! I felt especially bad for this guy because he had been doing this for something like 16 years. How do you break a 16-year-old habit?? Over you knee, y'all. Over your knee.
So my questions for you are - what are you obsessed with and WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS - go watch that show!!
(You can watch it here.)
PS - I just realized how obsessed I am - look at what I called our I Eat Pandas Facebook group!