Friday, March 19, 2010


Guess what decisions I'll never make?

1. To do cocaine cuz guess how I know I'm NOT gonna die.
2. To make my child a star.

I am staying in Oakwood Apartments in LA and the cup runeth over with youth being wasted away. I don't normally go so black and white on things, but putting your child in the biz is, at least in my book, majorly shittastic. I just want to scream at these mothers, "are you nuts? Have you not seen ANY show on E! News? Have you not seen 'Life After Tomorrow' about the crazyballs Annie girls? Did you not hear of the death of one Mr. Corey Haim which happened TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU?"

I've, so far, seen kids with 6-packs (and I'm not talking Situation-style abs), a kid by the pool in broad daylight drinking a 40 and to top it all off they're running around unsupervised in bathing suits!

Oh my god, I'm old.

I feel like stage moms think, "well, I fucked my life up... let's see if my kid can do it better" and that's just wrong. But I feel worse for the kids who are here with their showbiz siblings. The kids who have no desire whatsoever to book a national or guest on L&O. The Louise to their Baby June. Anyone?

I mean, who knows. Maybe I'm wrong and they'll all be come well-adjusted adults with billion dollar cars which they'll use to run me and my walker over, but I doubt it. All I know for certain is that I'll never, ever ever, EVER EVER EVER put my kids into show biz no matter how adorably they tap dance while juggling kittens. And let's face it, that's pretty fucking adorable.

Stay classy friends,


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