Quit feeling sorry for yourself!

Just in case us Americans had yet another day full of self-pitty due to our lack of career, body issues, unintelligence, bills, lack of career, overscheduling, nasty employer, performance anxiety, lack of career and yes, lack of career, Oprah provides us with a show chock full of reasons to love life!

Meet beautiful baby Vianna.

Oprah wants us to look into this sweet child's smiling face and remember the simple joys in life. No matter how stressful life may get, always stop to smell the roses and hug a baby. Right?






WRONG.

Vianna was born in South Africa to a homeless, drug-addicted mother in a prostitution hotel. At 5-month-old she was viciously gang raped by a group of HIV positive men (idiots in South Africa believe legend that sticking your infected dick into a small child will rid you of the disease) and was hurt so badly that "doctors were crying during much of the surgery."

Still feeling sorry for yourself?

Then please, I'd like to remind you of the story of a Romanian father who, because of the desperate poverty of the country, is forced to prostitute his own 14-year-old son.

Still moping?!

This is Grace.

Grace's story starts out the way you're expecting it to. When Grace was 15 she was kidnapped from her school by the Lord's Resistance Army in Uganda. She was then forced to walk barefoot from Uganda to Sudan and made into a little soldier. Pretty sad, right? Yeah well it gets worse. She was then foced to kill two 12-year-old boys trying to escape from the army. And she had to kill them with a smile on her face because if she cried, she'd be instantly shot. Oh, and she was also forced to sleep with older men who were the commanders of this army. Oh, but it gets much worse! Because Grace was so tired and dehydrated she fainted and the army leaders took her for dead and BURRIED HER ALIVE. She woke up naked, surrounded by dead people.

"Barely living, she woke at night, but had no choice to rejoin her captors. 'I was no longer myself,' she recalls. 'I was just a walking skeleton with rotting feet, because of the suffering I passed through.'"

One day she was left in some bushes alone as they were fighting and she managed to escape.

She tells her story and Oprah asks what she is doing now. She's going to school in Uganda and studying Journalism so she can expose this evil that is still taking place. Oprah asks what help (i.e. therapy) she's gotten to overcome these terrible events that took place in her life. Oh, Oprah. You're so funny.

So, if by now you don't feel like the luckiest son of a bitch walking the Earth, well then I guess Oprah and I should find ourselves new jobs. Or some more really awesome stories that spread the sunshine around.

I know I feel better.

Thanks, Oprah!