And a face. A big, big, BIG face.
If you missed last night's Katie Couric interview with Jennifer Wilbanks you missed an hour of EVIL.
Sweet Katie was even more angelic than usual as she interviewed this terrible woman and her husband, John Mason... who I can only imagine has black devil blood coursing through his veins as well.
Shocking details were revealed throughout the case, but at the root of this story that brought a nation to its knees was one thing that could not be denied. Incest.
"I still kiss my father on the lips," Wilbanks disclosed.
"Every night we say, 'I love you.'"
Quite true. And quite EVIL, Jennifer?
Couric decides to skim past that very touchy subject and so brings up the fact that Wilbanks was convicted of not one, not two but THREE evil shoplifting violations. I don't know about you, Crazybanks, but I was raised knowing that only evil people took things from stores without paying. I never took anything without paying, therefore I am not a crazy runaway monster evil bride.
Katie: "A $37 theft from Wal-mart. Later that year, $1,740 worth of merchandise from a shopping mall. In April of 1998, you were charged with taking $98 worth of merchandise from still another store."
Does Jennifer Wilbanks deny these claims? No. They are on record and that would be stupid. Instead, she incriminates herself even further by admitting she had other, cuter things on her "to steal" list.
Wilbanks: "I used to... tell everybody that they better check my bags before I leave to make sure I didn't have any of the babies with me."
BABIES Jennifer Wilbanks? Or is it Jennifer HITLER?
The interview not only exposed Hitlerbanks as a malevolent force but showed her stupidity as well.
Wilbanks: "I had a bottle of pills. Or I had the bus ticket."
I don't know how things work out there in Georgia, but in AMERICA our bus drivers can't be tricked into accepting a bottle of pills as bus fare. America got you again, NoGood-ifer
Toward the end of the interview Katie finally realized the woman sitting in front of her was not just a woman. She was much, much worse.
Couric: "Clearly, these demons don't kind of show up over night."
The nation can't argue with that, and I won't either.