You guys I got a mother effin speeding ticket this past weekend. But how Glennis!? You do not drive!! You live in New York! Welp, guys... I drove to North Carolina in a stolen vehicle (ok, it was rented but that makes the story better, right?) and while driving at around 12am I was pulled over going 83 miles an hour.
What happened first was I noticed flashing blue lights in my rear view mirror. Kelsey asleep in the back, Matt cozied up next to me, I muttered "fuck" and then "I'm getting pulled over." As I stopped the car I started yelling at Kelsey "give me my shoes! give me my shoes!" She was, naturally, confused so I yelled louder "GIVE ME MY SHOES I'VE BEEN PULLED OVER!" It's illegal to drive without shoes on, I think. And if it's not then I goddamn didn't want to risk it!
I hadn't been pulled over since high school. Granted I haven't been driving all that much since high school but still, it was a newish experience and not really to my liking.
What you should know is that moments earlier Matt had been driving. Without a license. And we hadn't put a 2nd driver on the car. But dudes... is it better to drive and possibly crash from exhaustion or let someone (without a license) drive? I ask you.
So I pulled over. The cop came up and asked me if there was any reason I was going 83 in a 65.
Any reason other than the fact that we'd left at 4pm on a Friday to drive 9+ hours to North Carolina to have "Christmas" with our dad?
"No. There was no reason. I'm sorry." I said.
He took my info and gave me a summons to appear in court. Anything over 80, he tells me, gets a summons. If I can not appear in court (which I can not) on the designated date then I must send in something and blah blah blah.
I then discovered the joy that is cruise control. Eat gas as it may it's a handy invention and when you let go of the wheel it's like you're not driving at all!! Anyone want to ride with Ms. McMurray? I thought not.
The best part of the story is that we forgot the summons in the car. The car that I returned yesterday to Jersey City. So now miss smarty pants speed demon has to go back to get it. What a dummy. What a large, stupid, dum dum dummy.
Other than that the trip went off without a hitch. Spent time with the family, drove through some sort of light extravaganza with sparkling houses and deer and golfers... hard to explain but pretty awesome and very Christmasy. Went to Old Salem and sampled their delicious pastries after driving to the top of Pilot Mountain. All in one day, believe it or not, and drove back home to good old NYC at 4:30am on Sunday.
Exhausted but still coherent I bartended for 5 hours with the promise that all tips would be donated to the Alzheimer's Association and we raised $200!! It was an awesome night but dammit if I wasn't a zombie when I hit the bed. Matt actually had to pull my shoes off me. I was that tired.
So, another ridiculous weekend complete I'm now back at work (at 10pm) writing this to pass the time so I can make up some time. My life is one consistent rush to tie up loose ends after another.
I'm off to Chicago this weekend for some shows and a Second City Workshop taught by Miss Skinner and myself. If you have friends out there why not send them the information below!
Hope you're having a great week.
I Eat Pandas comes to Chicago December 8th
Panda bears be warned - New York's favorite instant musical invades Chicago.
I Eat Pandas is not a carnivorous band of Panda-haters - they are a popular & critically acclaimed musical improv duo from New York City. On December 8th - 9th they'll bring their show to The Apollo Studio for only two performances.
I Eat Pandas is Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner - two NYC-based performers who create 3 spontaneous, sparkly musicals in under an hour. Using a large digital clock and unexplainable musical improv skills, they perform a 25 minute, 15 minute, and 5 minute musical all based on one audience suggestion. Since their first show 3 years ago at New York's Upright Citizens Brigade Theater they have played to sold-out houses and standing ovations all over the country. They were made a featured Critics Pick by Time Out NY's Jane Borden, who said,"You'll smile all the way home and sing their impromptu tunes in your sleep." The NY Daily News' Sean McCarthy went so far as to say "I Eat Pandas (is) the funniest improvised musical comedy duo either side of the Hudson." Alan Rosenberg of the Providence Journal wrote, "You can almost envision their work as being penned by some Off-Broadway luminary. Dilemma, humor, and resolution in a quarter of an hour-- all in time to music."
For the shows at the Apollo, I Eat Pandas will be accompanied by Mike Descoteaux of Second City. Opening the show will be a 15 minute stand-up set by Matt McCarthy. McCarthy is a regular on Comedynet.com and was recently featured in the Just For Laughs Festival's "New Faces" series.
Shows will be on Saturday December 8th at 10:30, Sunday December 9th at 6pm at the Apollo Studio Theater (2540 North Lincoln Avenue Chicago, IL 60614.) Tickets are $15 for adults, $10 for students. For tickets, please call (773) 935-6100.