Drunkin' Donuts

Oh Tara.


I mean... the girl is having fun. Which is more than I can say for myself most of the time. (If you think sitting in an office 10 hours out of my day is fun then you must think otherwise, friend.)

This picture is from one of my favorite websites: Gallery of the absurd. I mean really... could this girl BE more of a genius?

My Super Sweet Low Self Esteem

Never before have I EVER been rocketed back to my high shool days faster than while watching the abomination that is MTV's "My Super Sweet 16."

I record this show. I love to see how much people spend on their bratty little shits for an event that holds absolutely no significance whatsoever. What the hell is up with a big party for 16? You can't drink. You can't vote. You're probably going to get in at least a few accidents while driving and applying make-up. What the hell is so great about 16? Please, tell me.

So anyway. The show usually provides me with a good solid 22 minutes of gasps, "no way!"s and horified looks at the tacky dress they inevidibly choose.

But last night was a different experience all together. Amanda was on the scene.


DADDY!!

Watching this girl plan, spend and eventually bitch about her not-so-Sweet 16 put me right back in my fat-girl overalls at Durango High School all over again. Not only did she slightly resemble the Senoir who tormented me in high school, but I could almost feel her telling me, through the tv, to "put down the ice cream sandwich, fatty." (it was a skinny cow!)

What.

A.

Bitch.

I sincerely hope she stays in Central Florida so she'll never have to face reality without daddy handing you thousands of dollars for a sweet 16 dress you wore for approximately 45 minutes.

If you missed the show I probably don't need to say much more. Either you were this girl in high school or you knew her.

Ruby Slippers Missing!

Run girls!

Duff at the VMAs

I found this picture of Hilary at the VMAs when I entered a google search for "horse teeth."

I think she looks great!

Cafeteria Eyes

Texas Schools Launch 'Virtual Cafeteria.'

And with the news, school boys everywhere got a little less action.



Oh don't give me that look.

Like you never wanted to roll around in the mashed potatoes with your lunch lady.

...and Going

I'm not sure how I feel about this.



I received it as an email message.

Am I intrigued?

Creeped out?

In love?




I feel like a young lass again.


I know I'm young.


I know... I just meant I FEEL Younger.


Because I didn't WANT to just say that.


STOP IT.


No YOU Stop it.


I don't sound like that.


What?


That has nothing to do with this!


What are you even talking about.


Oh god, not the Vietnam story again.


I have to go.


Because I just have to!


This joke has gone on too long.


THE END

Is it possible to have a Package & a Camel Toe?

Yes. Yes, it is.



Upon closer inspection...


Yes it is.

Poor Ashlee

Cancel that trip to Ashgabat.


No, you will never live it down.

Yer not a-foolin' anyone

Dear Suits:


You can take the book jacket off, but we all still know you're a 40-year-old dude in a suit reading Harry Potter.

And that's....

OK




Sincerely,

Glennis

It's just one of those things

I'm gonna get deep for a second, so hold on.

A friend recently said something to me that changed a lot about how I think, feel, act... and it was pretty simple. She said she was taking a class with an improv GREAT (we're talking down-in-the-history-books GREAT) and she said something like, take what you need from improv and then use it in your life. not everyone should be or will be a great improviser.

Well jesus christ. Of course. Take what you can from it and use it in life. I don't have to be the best improviser there is and I'm not ever going to be. But I can take what I learned those years that I studied and performed and use it to do great things! And I will.

You guys, I'm pretty excited right now.



Things are good.

Vote!

I know you are all just DYING to help a sister get to LA so please, if you haven't already, go to www.fresh-films.com, click on "watch, vote & win" and then vote for "moments of grace" which is the bottom picture (a girl, me, holding a cello... looking sad.)

Also, did I mention this movie holds the record for having the SADDEST FACE EVER? Oh yeah. It's true.

Vote! Tell your friends!

And have a great day.

office etiquette

Am I the only one who thinks office email could stand some brightening up? Is it just my sunny disposition that makes me it's ok to end an email to a co-worker with a cute little smiley-face at the end? A smiley "button" if you will. A little "have a nice day, suit!"

And exclamation points. Are those a no-go with office emails? Bold lettering to show your excitment? Where do we draw the line?

I happen to think people know I'm excited and not yelling so I feel free to let the over-use of capitalzation in my emails RUN WILD!! MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

There's no story to go along with this, I just often end my emails with a little smiley face and wonder if people don't take me seriously because of it.

"Hey there Jane!!

Thanks so much for letting me know your boss would be out of the office until Friday. I hope he's catching some rays!! GOODNESS KNOWS I COULD USE SOME!!!

:)

Glennis"

Unprofessional?

Regardless and Iregardless... I'll continue to use them. If only to bring a little sunshine to the faces of my fellow employees.

LORD KNOWS THEY NEED IT!!! :) :) :) :) :)

Can you teach a monkey to smoke?

hahahahaaaa... yes. yes you can.

aha. haaaaa. hahahaha!



hahaha! oooooh.

Wantin' Rex (Godess)

"If I had my way"
by Glennis McMurray

If I had my way I'd be 21 and own these two puppies.

by Glennis McMurray

Russian + imigrant + sad + cello = award winning performance

Everyone, I'd like to please alert you of the future acting career of yours truly. I just won the lead (I like to say "won" to assure you that this is a competition... me against everyone else) in a short film that's part of this.

I shoot on Thursday and yes, I do play a sad Russian imigrant who plays the cello.

Also, did I mention I'm a comedian?

This is going to be GOLD.

Updates soon.

Lego my ego

What a cruel, sick world.

What kind of a twisted world do we live in when I, Glennis McMurray (the small and meak)



am put in an audition room with this... this... JUST THIS



I was discrifrumpinated. I was frumpscriminated. I was ignored!

Not to be a Horatio Horn Blower, but hey.. casting lady? Just cuz I MAY be having a bad hair day and just because I MAY be 15-20 lbs heavier than her and just because I don't grace the clouds with my incredible giantous stature... doesn't mean you can't listen to what I did this summer! You listened to her talk all about her marathons... blah blah blah (whimper). I have bad knees! Like... wha... I... I...

sigh.

She's totally a nice girl too.

I'm going to go eat some tear-soaked bagels.

Corn Ho's

Because I love hilarious and I love Lynn, here's a video featuring both.

No YOU have a lovely day, bitch.

Peece

Whore-porate Video

Please go to this website and click on "Click Here to see the Team-Cheer Video" on the bottom right of the screen.

Keep in mind while watching this video that ALL THE PEOPLE in the video are actual employees of this firm (save for the man with the whistle "cheering" all their awesome employees on).

I honestly wish I'd made this video because it made me cry. I cried for various reasons while watching, but mostly because I remembered that I saw this picture earlier.



But that uterus-melting photo is beside the point.

I really don't know what else to say about that video. I mean it really just sums up my hatred for the corporate world in one delicious 5-minute video.

Please enjoy it. Again. And Again.

Somewhere, Over the Rainbow?

I watched The Wizard of Oz on tv this weekend and for the first time realized just how amazing that movie really is. How perfectly cast is it? Tell me you don't want to marry a guy just like the Tin Man (post red plastic hearty-mabob transplant). And the witch? So scary. Remember how much you wanted to be Dorothy? (I'm talking to you, gay men) And the munchkins. The Munchkins!

After the movie they had a short interview with a woman from Filmaid International. I'm really into this thing, you guys. They travel to refugee camps across the globe and show films like The Wizard of Oz to people in the camps.

I know...food, water, love... all that is desperately needed. But imagine living a life of solitude and sadness and then one day seeing Oz. Imagine the psychological benefits. Imagine how much joy it brings! So I donated to the organization and I think, if this is something you find as heartwarming as I do, you should too.

Click Here to Learn More

De Plane! De Plane!

Not to offend, but I'm quite aware that I have a very queer tattoo.

Queer? That offended you?

Sorry.

...gayballs tattoo.

Now realize, I got said tattoo at the age of 17. With mother in tow. In a red state. Ah. Are the pieces coming together now? I decided I needed a tattoo and I didn't know what to get so I got what really just summed me up on skin. I mean it really just encapsulated me and I was sure I'd never ever change and would never feel the need to mutilate the patch of skin that held said tattoo in order to remove it from sad, pathetic life.

I now tell people that the tattoo is ironic and I'm pretty sure everyone believes me.

Here's my tattoo:



NO. JK! JK!

Here it is for reals:


That's me in a hat. Oh my god it's killing me.

Sorry guys, here's the real tattoo:



Pretty gay, right?

I'd consider getting it removed but saw a show on tattoo removal and it takes up all your money and time and only ends up looking like this:


I hate roses, too.

So I've decided against it and will instead spend the rest of eternity in pants, yearning to sing "Papa" but knowing I must never, never ever ever, ever. EVER. again let that geeky thespian out of the closet. God forbid I end up with this:


(Can anyone tell me what part of our 2,000 parts that is??)