This morning I sat down with myself for a little interview. This is what I had to say.
Glennis
Good morning, Glennis.
Glennis
Good morning.
Glennis
Do you remember where you were the first time you said the phrase "24/7"?
Glennis
No. But I remember the first time I screamed it.
Glennis
Good one.
Glennis
Thanks.
Glennis
How do you feel about Nazis?
Glennis
They're ok.
Glennis
Really?
Glennis
Did you say "Nazi's" or "Donuts"?
Glennis
Nazi's
Glennis
Oh then I hate them.
Glennis
So you like donuts?
Glennis
Who said that?
Glennis
You did. You just said it.
Glennis
Weird.
Glennis
You just flashed your crotch.
Glennis
Did I?
Glennis
Yes.
Glennis
I guess I really do like donuts.
Glennis
Wow.
Glennis
...
Glennis
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go right now?
Glennis
I'd shrink myself down and go inside myself.
Glennis
That's impossible.
Glennis
That's what she said.
Glennis
That doesn't even make sense.
Glennis
It does if the guy said, "grow a dick."
Glennis
You're right. That does make sense.
Glennis
And two dimes make cents.
Glennis
Good one. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
Glennis
I'd be Native American so I don't have to shave.
Glennis
That's borderline.
Glennis
Racist?
Glennis
Yes.
Glennis
Edit that part out. Ask me again.
Glennis
If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
Glennis
I'd be black so I could be really good at...
Glennis
Are you going to say "sports"?
Glennis
Yes.
Glennis
Should I ask it again?
Glennis
Just computer animate me saying something non-racist.
Glennis
We don't have a budget.
Glennis
Why not.
Glennis
You're writing this on a blog.
Glennis
I see.
Glennis
Shall I go on?
Glennis
Clearly.
Glennis
What is your biggest regret?
Glennis
Not keeping in that earlier statement about Native Americans.
Glennis
In life? That's your biggest regret?
Glennis
Yes. Why, what's yours?
Glennis
I murdered a bag of kittens.
Glennis
How do you feel about getting out of here and getting a drink or something?
Glennis
You want to get a drink with yourself because you murdered kittens?
Glennis
No I'm just thirsty. You murdered kittens?
Glennis
Yes, I just said that.
Glennis
I wasn't listening.
Glennis
You're typing this.
Glennis
That's what she said.
Glennis
This interview is over.
Glennis
That's what she said.
Glennis
That actually makes sense.
Glennis
Can you find my remote control before you leave?
The End
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tagged the Hard Way
Eliza blog tagged me (which is how we play tag in the 21st century - no physical effort or human contant) and so now I post.
Three Things I Learned The Hard Way
1. Have a Plan
I moved to NY at the age of 18. Literally just picked up and moved. There is no way in HELL I could do that today but at 18 it was the most obvious thing I could have done. It was like putting milk in your fucking cheerios... DUR. NY was my milk. So I packed 5 bags, withdrew a whopping $500 from my accounts in Boulder (where I lived for a brief time after highskoo) and hopped aboard an east-bound flight to NY. In general I'd say I have really fond memories of that time even if it was HOLY BALLS, THE WORST IDEA OF ALL TIME. I lived with a 90-year-old who went insane, I slept in the closet of an apartment for a week then on the floor of my own bare apartment for 2 weeks, I learned to make a 6-inch sub last 3 days, I jumped turnstyles, etc... etc... etc... I called my poor mother crying more than a few times and really, this was all completely unecessary. I'm here to tell you that moving without a plan is a bad idea BUT, as you can see, I ended up ok and honestly I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world if they made me who I am today. Allz I'm sayin is I ain't about to do that shit again. Lesson learned!
2. Joint bank accounts are a recipe for disaster
You know those women you see on Oprah who were stuck in an abusive relationship because they had no way of getting out? That was me, kind of, and it sucks. I was engaged to be married at 21 years old and like a big retard I put every penny I earned into a bank account with the man I was with. Why? Because I loooooved him so muuuuuch and we were gonna be together foreeeeeever. COME ON. I didn't even believe that to tell you the truth! What if your ass gets dumped or something terrible happens and you are screwed? Huh? What then? What if your lovah says "see ya" and you say "gimme some dough" and he says "nope, you bought this and this and paid for this with OUR money so this shit is MINE." Yeah bitches what you gonna do then!? I'll tell you what you're gonna do - you're gonna sleep in your friend's closet for 2 weeks. Just fucking listen to me... there is absolutely no reason all of your money needs to go into a joint account. Put 1/2 in... Put 1/4 in... whatever... just leave some in your private, personal account so you don't have to grovel for a few dimes when the shit hits the fan. I learned this shit the HARD way and I'm never making that mistake again. Lesson learned!
3. Go pee when you have the chance
I don't know what my fucking problem is but I never go pee when there's a bathroom right there at my disposal. I always so "I can wait!" and then I end up almost pissing myself 1/2 way to my next destination. What the frig, G? Use the bathroom! It's free! Anyway, yeah I've peed my pants before so that lesson was clearly wasted on me. I can't think what "the hard way" would be if I still haven't learned after PISSING MYSELF ON A SUBWAY PLATFORM. Perhaps having The Star Spangled Banner play while neon arrows shoot out my bum to point at the ever-expanding stain on my pants? Perhaps. Lesson pending!
And now, my dearest readers, I tag the following people:
Liz Black
Carolyn Castiglia
Becky Yamamoto
Ann Carr
Jen MacNeil
Matt Sears
Hope you all learn from MY mistakes and have a great day!
Love,
Glennis
Three Things I Learned The Hard Way
1. Have a Plan
I moved to NY at the age of 18. Literally just picked up and moved. There is no way in HELL I could do that today but at 18 it was the most obvious thing I could have done. It was like putting milk in your fucking cheerios... DUR. NY was my milk. So I packed 5 bags, withdrew a whopping $500 from my accounts in Boulder (where I lived for a brief time after highskoo) and hopped aboard an east-bound flight to NY. In general I'd say I have really fond memories of that time even if it was HOLY BALLS, THE WORST IDEA OF ALL TIME. I lived with a 90-year-old who went insane, I slept in the closet of an apartment for a week then on the floor of my own bare apartment for 2 weeks, I learned to make a 6-inch sub last 3 days, I jumped turnstyles, etc... etc... etc... I called my poor mother crying more than a few times and really, this was all completely unecessary. I'm here to tell you that moving without a plan is a bad idea BUT, as you can see, I ended up ok and honestly I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world if they made me who I am today. Allz I'm sayin is I ain't about to do that shit again. Lesson learned!
2. Joint bank accounts are a recipe for disaster
You know those women you see on Oprah who were stuck in an abusive relationship because they had no way of getting out? That was me, kind of, and it sucks. I was engaged to be married at 21 years old and like a big retard I put every penny I earned into a bank account with the man I was with. Why? Because I loooooved him so muuuuuch and we were gonna be together foreeeeeever. COME ON. I didn't even believe that to tell you the truth! What if your ass gets dumped or something terrible happens and you are screwed? Huh? What then? What if your lovah says "see ya" and you say "gimme some dough" and he says "nope, you bought this and this and paid for this with OUR money so this shit is MINE." Yeah bitches what you gonna do then!? I'll tell you what you're gonna do - you're gonna sleep in your friend's closet for 2 weeks. Just fucking listen to me... there is absolutely no reason all of your money needs to go into a joint account. Put 1/2 in... Put 1/4 in... whatever... just leave some in your private, personal account so you don't have to grovel for a few dimes when the shit hits the fan. I learned this shit the HARD way and I'm never making that mistake again. Lesson learned!
3. Go pee when you have the chance
I don't know what my fucking problem is but I never go pee when there's a bathroom right there at my disposal. I always so "I can wait!" and then I end up almost pissing myself 1/2 way to my next destination. What the frig, G? Use the bathroom! It's free! Anyway, yeah I've peed my pants before so that lesson was clearly wasted on me. I can't think what "the hard way" would be if I still haven't learned after PISSING MYSELF ON A SUBWAY PLATFORM. Perhaps having The Star Spangled Banner play while neon arrows shoot out my bum to point at the ever-expanding stain on my pants? Perhaps. Lesson pending!
And now, my dearest readers, I tag the following people:
Liz Black
Carolyn Castiglia
Becky Yamamoto
Ann Carr
Jen MacNeil
Matt Sears
Hope you all learn from MY mistakes and have a great day!
Love,
Glennis
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Weekend Bust Out!
This past weekend Matty and I decided we'd had enough of NY and all it's conveniences at our fingertips! We were going to rough it! Take it to the streets! Live in canvas tents and romp nude through the woods!
... or just drive up to Providence and back. But oh was it ever close to the experience I just provided!
Friday we set off in our fancy shmancy Zipcar (with a very convenient pick-up location 3 blocks from my house) in the snow. Boy was there ever snow. But our little Mazda "Mandi" handled like a dream. A good dream. Not a nightmare. Don't get it twisted.
We set on up the Henry Hudson Parkway to I-95, me in the drivers seat Matty rocking out to something on the radio, when Matt picks up the water from the center console and says, "this water is cold!" and takes a big gulp. Imagine everything from this moment on in slow motion...
I think: "That's cuz it's been in the car!"
Then: "...overnight!"
Followed by: "wait... where did he get water?"
My head slowly turns and I say, "Matty...where did you get that water?"
He looks down, mortified... "WHERE DID THIS WATER COME FROM!?!"
Oh man I almost crashed the car it was so funny/disgusting/hilarious/HILARIOUS. Poor Matt drank someone else's water - the previous Zipcardigan's water. WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHO THAT WAS!!?! Gross. Poor Matt! And the worst thing about it? It was raspberry flavored water. Nothing worse than flavored water in my absolutely certain opinion.
But we persevered! Switched seats 1/2 way through the trip when the weather got really bad and saw about 6-8 cars on the side of the road. A few were bad accidents, some were just slipnslides but one things for certain: it did not at all stop people from zipping past us at 60+ miles an hour as we puttered along (safely) in the slow lane. Idiots.
We arrived in Providence at around 5pm just in time, I thought, to attend DDPP Providence. I've never been to another DDPP before and I was super excited but the snow was way too much so they had to cancel. Bummer! But it gave us more time to spend with Matt's brother and sister-in-law and the cutest baby of all time: Grace Cassidy McCarthy. I mean COME ON... she is amazing. And do you want to know the absolutely best thing about this baby aside from her kick-ass attitude and huge brain?? She rocks out to Zeppelin. You heard me. The little squirt knows her music! While eating cheerios we put on a Zeppelin doc on the TV and she was ENTRANCED. Every time a song started she started rocking out. Amazing! If my kids love Zeppelin I'll die. Just DIE.
Let's see what else did we do. Rocked out my credit card at Target and got a new yoga mat. Tried to sled on a styrofoam boogie board (hilarious. please try it.). Oooh'd and aaah'd over the cutest baby ever. Sigh.
While at Target we purchased some $10 cds for our car ride home including a best of Beach Boys. Dammit you guys that music is amazing. So rich and deep and textured and all those other music terms they use to describe great music. We listened to Help Me Rhonda like 20 times and I remembered how much Little Surfer Girl makes me sad even though the lyrics are sweet. They don't write songs like these anymore.
Back in NY Sunday night we watched parts of the Oscars (even though I am so not into award shows) and Marion Cotillard made me cry. Matt and I set to the task of putting a reel together for a meeting I had with the Broadcast Dept at my agency Monday morning. We got a late start and by 2am I was stupid tired. Matt ushered me into the bedroom and stayed up until 5am finishing it. Ladies... that is a man right there. AMAZING. (Oh and he's my soon to be roommate... hollah!)
All in all I'd say our weekend was pretty darn close to perfection even if there was no nude forest romping to be had.
Hope yours was fab as well.
Love,
Glennis
... or just drive up to Providence and back. But oh was it ever close to the experience I just provided!
Friday we set off in our fancy shmancy Zipcar (with a very convenient pick-up location 3 blocks from my house) in the snow. Boy was there ever snow. But our little Mazda "Mandi" handled like a dream. A good dream. Not a nightmare. Don't get it twisted.
We set on up the Henry Hudson Parkway to I-95, me in the drivers seat Matty rocking out to something on the radio, when Matt picks up the water from the center console and says, "this water is cold!" and takes a big gulp. Imagine everything from this moment on in slow motion...
I think: "That's cuz it's been in the car!"
Then: "...overnight!"
Followed by: "wait... where did he get water?"
My head slowly turns and I say, "Matty...where did you get that water?"
He looks down, mortified... "WHERE DID THIS WATER COME FROM!?!"
Oh man I almost crashed the car it was so funny/disgusting/hilarious/HILARIOUS. Poor Matt drank someone else's water - the previous Zipcardigan's water. WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHO THAT WAS!!?! Gross. Poor Matt! And the worst thing about it? It was raspberry flavored water. Nothing worse than flavored water in my absolutely certain opinion.
But we persevered! Switched seats 1/2 way through the trip when the weather got really bad and saw about 6-8 cars on the side of the road. A few were bad accidents, some were just slipnslides but one things for certain: it did not at all stop people from zipping past us at 60+ miles an hour as we puttered along (safely) in the slow lane. Idiots.
We arrived in Providence at around 5pm just in time, I thought, to attend DDPP Providence. I've never been to another DDPP before and I was super excited but the snow was way too much so they had to cancel. Bummer! But it gave us more time to spend with Matt's brother and sister-in-law and the cutest baby of all time: Grace Cassidy McCarthy. I mean COME ON... she is amazing. And do you want to know the absolutely best thing about this baby aside from her kick-ass attitude and huge brain?? She rocks out to Zeppelin. You heard me. The little squirt knows her music! While eating cheerios we put on a Zeppelin doc on the TV and she was ENTRANCED. Every time a song started she started rocking out. Amazing! If my kids love Zeppelin I'll die. Just DIE.
Let's see what else did we do. Rocked out my credit card at Target and got a new yoga mat. Tried to sled on a styrofoam boogie board (hilarious. please try it.). Oooh'd and aaah'd over the cutest baby ever. Sigh.
While at Target we purchased some $10 cds for our car ride home including a best of Beach Boys. Dammit you guys that music is amazing. So rich and deep and textured and all those other music terms they use to describe great music. We listened to Help Me Rhonda like 20 times and I remembered how much Little Surfer Girl makes me sad even though the lyrics are sweet. They don't write songs like these anymore.
Back in NY Sunday night we watched parts of the Oscars (even though I am so not into award shows) and Marion Cotillard made me cry. Matt and I set to the task of putting a reel together for a meeting I had with the Broadcast Dept at my agency Monday morning. We got a late start and by 2am I was stupid tired. Matt ushered me into the bedroom and stayed up until 5am finishing it. Ladies... that is a man right there. AMAZING. (Oh and he's my soon to be roommate... hollah!)
All in all I'd say our weekend was pretty darn close to perfection even if there was no nude forest romping to be had.
Hope yours was fab as well.
Love,
Glennis
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Vogue - Strike a Pose
My caliber for talent, as far as photography skills go, is how hot the photog can make me look. On that scale I give Anya Garrett an A++ for the set of I Eat Pandas promo shots she took this past weekend. Amazing. Hire this girl before she's all famous and shit and you can't even look her in the lens anymore!
Enjoy...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sketchartists/sets/72157603945383039/
(She took some amazing headshots of me as well if you're at all interested here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sketchartists/sets/72157603945387631/ See? Genius! I look hot but not hotter than I really am! Wow... this therapy shit is really working. I'm so in love with myself you guys.)
xoxo
Glennis
Enjoy...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sketchartists/sets/72157603945383039/
(She took some amazing headshots of me as well if you're at all interested here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sketchartists/sets/72157603945387631/ See? Genius! I look hot but not hotter than I really am! Wow... this therapy shit is really working. I'm so in love with myself you guys.)
xoxo
Glennis
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)